Saturday, August 19, noon-9pm
It's Aug. 19, 2017. You're getting evaluated by a real medical doctor. You're making tie-dye. You're learning more about your medicine. You're supporting legalization of a useful plant. You're eating delicious food. Where are you? At the first annual New Mexico HempFest of course! Entry is totally free, and parking is a measly $1 per car at the Albuquerque Balloon Fiesta Park. You are roaming around enjoying live music from local bands, a Hemposium tent with exciting speakers, a kids' activity area and dozens of regional artists, farmers, educators, plus lots of tasty food trucks. You're with all your friends and family at this all-ages, family-friendly event and having an absolute blast celebrating New Mexico's hemp industry.
Wednesday, August 23 beginning at 6pm
The potential sale of Westland Development has spurred a battle, and the cries of protest are getting louder
James Aranda and Jaime Chavez are looking out over the West Mesa, on land that runs through their blood like the Rio Grande runs through Albuquerque. They are standing on Atrisco land, pointing out the boundaries of their heritage—the east bank of the Rio Puerco, the west bank of the Rio Grande, Pajarito Road on the south and St. Joseph Drive by St. Pius High School on the north. I smile when I realize what 82,000 acres means.
Bastard in the Flesh—If you like to support local filmmakers, or if you just have a really sick and twisted sense of humor, I suggest you get down to Burning Paradise Video (800 Central SW) this weekend. Beginning at 6:30 p.m. on Friday, Dec. 16, BP will be hosting a signing party for the new Science Bastard double feature DVD. The DVD includes two short films by local filmmaker Scott Phillips (The Stink of Flesh). “Science Bastard” and its recently completed sequel “Scream, Science Bastard, Scream!” are a pair of twisted superhero parodies that feature such delights as trepanation (look it up), go-go girls and hypnotic porn stars. Chalk this one up as a shameless plug, since your humble Alibi film editor stars as the titular Bastard. (One viewing of the films is more than enough to prove that “shameless” assertion.) Writer/director Scott Phillips will be on hand to absorb your abuse and costar Billy Garberina will be there showing off his sweatpants. Buy a DVD and we promise not to breathe on you.
Oily drama builds complex but cold narrative
Having nabbed himself an Oscar for penning 2001's drug war drama Traffic, screenwriter Stephen Gaghan has turned his ambitions up a notch to take on the task of writing and directing the structurally similar ensemble drama Syriana. Shifting his addictive subject matter from drugs to oil, Gaghan uses former CIA case officer Robert Baer's nonfiction book See No Evil as loose source material, spinning off a complex, interwoven set of (fictional) narratives that highlight various elements of today's international oil-based economy.
Epic remake of Hollywood classic is monstrously entertaining
There are times when remaking a classic Hollywood film is appropriate, and there are times when it is not. The intentions of the filmmakers are important. The degree to which the original is beloved is important. The amount of time that has passed between original and remake factors into it. In the end, though, history judges by the final product. For example, producer Dino De Laurentiis' silly 1976 remake of King Kong is pretty much an example of how not to do a remake. But, with the bad version out of the way, there's room for a good one.
“The Star Wars Holiday Special”
Long before Jar-Jar Binks took his first pratfall into a pile of poop, there was another disturbing tremor in the Force, like a million Star Wars fans crying out in anger and frustration.
The Week in Sloth
Hallelujah! Hallelujah!—Under the direction of Guillermo Figueroa, the New Mexico Symphony Orchestra and Chorus whips up a complete rendition of Handel's holiday classic, The Messiah, for two performances at UNM's Popejoy Hall on Friday, Dec. 16, at 8 p.m. and Saturday, Dec. 17, at 6 p.m., and one at the National Hispanic Cultural Center on Sunday, Dec. 18, at 2 p.m. Experience the story of Jesus in all its operatic splendor. Tickets range from $10 to $57. They're available online at nmso.org, by calling (505) 881-8999 or in-person at the Symphony Store (4407 Menaul NE).
Like eggnog and candy canes, the holiday season just isn't complete without The Nutcracker. The Ballet Theatre of New Mexico's version of this Christmas classic opens this weekend at the KiMo Theatre. Join Clara and her nut-cracking dreamboat in a winter wonderland filled with dancing snowflakes, entertaining sweets and the ever-lovely Sugar Plum Fairy. Runs through Dec. 24. Call for dates and times. The Saturday, Dec. 24, performance will be followed by the Nutcracker Tea, where kids can sample offerings from the Kingdom of Sweets and meet characters from the ballet. Tickets are $15 to $20 ($5 extra for the Nutcracker Tea). Discounts available. Order by calling 768-3544. Visit www.btnm.org for more information.
The Long Christmas Ride Home at the Cell Theatre
Along with all the carols, the shopping, the decorations and the fat, jolly old guy in the unflattering red suit, you can bet your last dollar you'll be subjected to a big pile of whining this Christmas season. Something about the holidays brings out both the best and the worst in us. Many people choose this time of year to write checks to charities, donate cans to food banks and generally direct a little extra kindness toward their fellow humans. Others get mean drunk and bicker idiotically for hours on end with their families. Some are so estranged from their relatives they skip Christmas altogether.
The county clerk's recent decision on voting machines provokes debate among area residents
Some concerned citizens waited with bated breath last week as the state's 33 county clerks made decisions that will impact many election processes to come. On Monday, Dec. 5, the officials were obligated to select one of three Help America Vote Act (HAVA) compliant voting machines for the disabled. HAVA, which was signed into law in October 2003, provides federal money for voter database systems, poll worker training, voter education (such as TV commercials) as well as enough funds for one American Disability Act compliant voting machine per polling place.
And so it begins. The first meeting of the 17th Council got off to a late start as a full house shuffled about with handshakes, welcomes and words of congratulation. First-time Councilors Ken Sanchez (District 1, replacing Miguel Gómez), Isaac Benton (District 3, replacing Eric Griego) and Don Harris (District 9, replacing Tina Cummins) expressed excitement over their new endeavors, while second-round Councilors Michael Cadigan (District 5) and Sally Mayer (District 7) thanked their constituents for another term.
Without proper attention, prostitution could be coming to your neighborhood
How big a problem does Albuquerque have with prostitution? I hadn't given much thought to that subject ... until I met Bill Cobb for a cup of coffee and an eye-opening education into the matter.
Health class in high school wasn't the most pleasant of times. It included routinely embarrassing moments, like practicing mouth-to-mouth resuscitation, naming male and female anatomy and repeatedly going over detailed descriptions of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). This was in addition to the even more embarrassing talks with my mother about sex and responsible behavior. According to the dictionary on my shelf, embarrass means “to cause someone to feel awkward or self-conscious.” Welcome to the motto of my adolescent life.
The Church of Stop Shopping is coming to town
Reverend Billy is leaning against the counter of a Starbucks in Northridge, Calif. Dressed in a white suit and clerical collar, his gelled, dyed-blond hair swept skyward in a John Travolta pompadour, he could pass for a real man of the cloth--until he opens his mouth.
Dateline: Germany—A soccer coach has been suspended for helping his team--by head-butting a player on the opposing team. The German Soccer Federation announced last week that Duisburg coach Norbert Meier could face a three-month ban and a fine. Late in a 1-1 tie match with Cologne last Tuesday, Meier and Cologne's Albert Streit got into a face-to-face argument on the sideline. The argument came to a head when Meier smashed his forehead into Streit's nose. Both men fell to the ground and were ejected from the game. “I blacked out and I apologize,” Meier later told reporters.
Get Your Squawk On—The second installation of the new Rocksquawk.com Concert Series will take place on Tuesday, Dec. 20, at Burt's Tiki Lounge at 8 p.m. Featured performers are When Darkness Falls, Kronic Obsession, The Unemploid, The Giranimals and The Gracchi. What's a rocksquawk, you ask? Log on to www.rocksquawk.com, then come to the show and find out. Doors open at 8 p.m.
... of Carlisle and Central, that is. The Albuquerque Blues Connection will play the first blues show in the history of Nob Hill's newest bar, Harlow's on the Hill, on Friday, Dec. 16, at 9 p.m. It's far from their first time on that stage, though. "The Blues Connection used to be a regular at Club R&B," says ABC bassist Steve Whitman, "so it's sort of momentous that we're back in the room again." Tickets are $6, or $10 per couple. Doors open at 9 p.m. (LM)
with The Black Furies and August Spies
Thursday, Dec. 15; Launchpad (21-and-over), $7: Nor-Cal residents Hella play music that you can brawl to. The sound of shattering glass is all that's missing from the mêlée of turbulent noise that so unambiguously characterizes what Hella has produced. The mishmash of tight snare drum, with its unrelenting speed and intensity, and spastic guitar along with "Castlevania" keyboard occasionally thrown in will have you feeling like a mouse in a dark, trap-filled basement. One gets the impression from listening to Hella that the twosome has been bestowed with enough musical skill to put together a formidable, more traditional band. Hella aren't grade-school kids playing as loud as they can—they're virtuoso crybabies with an axe to grind and an untraditional way of grinding it. From listening to a Hella record, it seems unlikely that their highly randomized "improvisations" could be reproduced for their live shows but, in fact, this is exactly what occurs. With no more deviation than any standard ensemble, the group duplicates their tracks with uncanny attention to details (however unsystematically arrived at the details may be). Open-minded listeners are encouraged to attend as long as they are not prone to epileptic fits.
The Alex Maryol Band with The Eric McFadden Trio
Get ready, Albuquerque. I'm letting you in on a little Santa Fe secret: Alex Maryol. If you don't know who he is—oh baby, you're in for a treat. The Alex Maryol Band has been playing Santa Fe for years: bars, clubs, Warehouse 21, the Thirty Ear Festival and the burning of Zozobra. He released his first CD, They Call Me Lefty, at 18, and has been named "Best Local Musician or Band You Don't Want to Miss—Even on a Tuesday Night" in the Santa Fe Reporter's reader polls three years running. In short, there are some major reasons why the Alex Maryol Band at the Launchpad this weekend is a big deal.
A few suggestions for atypical Christmas music
Christmas music is one of the biggest mysteries of the universe. Some of us, maybe even most of us, think it was specially designed to drive us over the edge during a vulnerable time of year. But according to the laws of capitalism, millions and millions love this smut. Otherwise, the Trans-Siberian Orchestra wouldn't return each year, and every high-profile recording artist wouldn't have lent their own spin to holiday songs.
Duran's Station on Menaul—You don't have to drive through a mess of construction and holiday tourists to get a chile fix at Duran Central Pharmacy in Old Town. The pharmacy's sister restaurant opened last Wednesday at 4201 Menual NE, in what used to be the fire station just west of Washington. In fact, Duran's Station takes its name from the old firehouse, and traces of it remain in the form of a beautiful red brick wall and a fire bell near the entrance. Finished concrete floors, salmon-pink seating, tasteful lighting and three tall glass brick windows update the space into a comfortable and modern dining room. When we went in for lunch, one of the managers stopped by to ask us how our meal was, confessing: "We had to get everything exactly the same before we could open. If the guacamole, anything, doesn't taste just like the first Duran's, we'll shut the item down for the day." We didn't think the food or service was quite up to the level of the original place, but c'mon, it was their first day. We'll be back for a few beers over dinner—two exclusive additions the new restaurant proudly offers. Try it for yourself Monday through Saturday, from 11 a.m. until 8 p.m. Call your order in at 830-0007.
Our hometown casa de carbohydrates
This world is made up of two distinct groups: the donut people and the bagel people. Donut people are into the cake, love the glazed and make those little white bags of holes an entire meal at 3 a.m. The bagel people are a different breed altogether. They are up at the booty-crack of dawn, salivating in intense anticipation of a toasty, chewy delight rolled in poppy seeds, sesame, onion or all of the above.
Fake your way to a trio of comfy desserts
There's something about winter that makes my domestic instincts kick into overdrive. Namely, I clean more than usual—which is to say, more than not at all—and I get the cajones to bake things I'd never consider at other times of the year. Buches de Nöel, cookies, bars, homemade high-protein chocolate cake. But here's a secret: I'm a terrible baker. I just don't have the temperament for it, nor the attention to detail, the exactness or the 400-level math skills it requires. Other cooks I know share the same attitude.
Time's a-wastin'. Get off your fat, lazy keister and start slappin' some plastic.
Can you hear that sound? It's the unnerving tick of your internal clock, warning you that the holidays are quickly approaching. Thankfully, the Alibi has once again busted its swollen hump to dream up multiple fool-proof shopping plans designed to make this holiday season as easy as possible for our beloved readers. In the words of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, "don't panic!" In this year's Last Minute Gift Guide, we've divided up our fair city into manageable geographic chunks so that you can complete your shopping and still have plenty of time left over for slurping eggnog and ogling cute elves (of the gender of your choosing).
Old Town is one of the best pedestrian shopping districts in Albuquerque, and Old Town merchants know how to do up the holidays right. Park your wagon in the neighborhood, and you can easily accomplish most of your holiday shopping in a single afternoon.
Holiday shopping is as dreaded to me as paying rent; it must be done, but I really don't wanna. To make the experience as pain-free as possible, I make a list, check it twice (maybe three times) and feel no shame about giving the same gift to many of my friends and family. If Nob Hill is your shopping district of choice, then your options are many and getting something for everyone on your list will be no problem.
Jimi Mod Spacepod (1, 112 Morningside SE, 804-2331) is a swankadelic vintage store specializing in mid-century modern furniture, with a special eye toward the space-age. Tin robots (original and reproduction) litter the store's many shelves. Odd old paintings of astronauts and spaceships plaster the walls. Funky, 2001-esque couches recline beside lava lamp-inspired blobs of Murano glass. Danish modern coffee tables jockey for floorspace amid a positively orgasmic selection of plastic fantastic lamps. If Tom Jones owned the penthouse in a casino on Mars, it would look a hell of a lot like this.
I followed Wyoming Boulevard like the great Mississippi River, navigating 'round rocky chains and impersonal megastores, searching every strip mall north of Montgomery for an oasis of great local gifting. Land ho!
The construction dust has barely settled at Riverside Plaza (Coors and Montgomery), but there is a smattering of local vendors there to help you stay out of Wal-Mart.
One of the most widely ignored areas for holiday shopping is the East Mountains, which is a shame, considering how many local artists and business owners take up shop within its scenic boundaries. There are far more shops along Route 66 and N. Hwy. 14 than most people realize, and all it takes to find some of the most unique stores in the area is a pair of eyes and a pretty ride. So step down off your high horse and raise your altitude—you'll be pleasantly surprised (and avoid the migraine-inducing mall crowds).
Gentlemen, Gold Street is a great place to shop for ladies, so this where our journey begins, and Glowing (1, 317 Gold SW, 243-GLOW) is the first store in the row. If, like me, the prospect of pregnancy makes you shudder, steer clear of this store because with it's über-stylish, high-end maternity clothing and baby paraphernalia you may begin to think the whole idea isn't so bad, after all. If you've impregnated someone this holiday season, you're pretty much obligated to go here for a gift certificate. (And if you want to impregnate someone, the lovely lingerie seller Seventh Goddess is right next door.)
The 2005 Santa Fe Film Festival returns with movies to spare
If there's one thing the movie industry loves, it's a sequel. So, for the sixth year in a row, the Santa Fe Film Festival returns to the City Different. The fest will run Dec. 7-11 with a diverse slate of films from around the world, an impressive roster of guests, and a full complement of parties, panel discussions and awards.
Low-key romance argues that books are better than movies
Authors often get bent out of shape when their literary masterpieces get translated from page to screen--which is why so many books find their way to the big screen after their creators are dead. Well, it's pretty safe to say that the Chinese-born, French-based novelist Dai Sijie is pleased with the current cinematic adaptation of his international bestseller Balzac and the Little Chinese Seamstress. After all, the film was written and directed by author-turned-filmmaker Dai Sijie.
Networks hand out final pink slips of 2005
The good news is that struggling NBC sitcom “Joey” won't have to go up against FOX juggernaut “American Idol” this January. The bad news is that the show is being yanked from the schedule for a serious “retooling.” Not good, considering the show was seriously retooled at the beginning of the season. (Perhaps now Joey will be a fry cook in Alaska?) The ejection of “Joey” from NBC's Thursday night schedule until at least March is one of the most high-profile failures of the Fall 2005 season, but it's hardly the only one.
The Week in Sloth
A Shadow of Our Former Elves—Santa's elves have had enough with slave wages and lousy working conditions. They'll be letting off a little steam in a late-night Christmas variety show beginning this weekend at Sol Arts (712 Central SE). With live music, flicks from Basement Films and surprises around every corner, A Shadow of Our Former Elves should be a welcome alternative to the staid conventions of more typical holiday entertainments. Fridays and Saturdays at 9:45 p.m. through Dec. 17. $5. Proceeds to benefit United Elf Workers of the World, Northern Branch. 710-7724.
Orpheum Art Center
A host of fine local artists will be opening their studios for a special holiday show called Wild and Sweet at the Orpheum Art Center (500 Second Street SW). Beyond the visual art, there will also be modern, belly, aerial hoop and burlesque dance performances along with comedy improv and short animation. Wild and Sweet opens Friday, Dec. 9, with a reception from 6 to 8:30 p.m. Open studios will be held Saturday, Dec. 10, from 11 a.m. to 5 p.m. and Sunday, Dec. 18, from 1 to 4 p.m. For a schedule of events, call 715-2602 or e-mail Courtney at email@example.com.
Love & Beauty at the Tricklock Performance Space
A few years ago, the Tricklock Company staged a play called Dandelion Clockwork, a bizarre comic horror show that, from what I remember, was quite a bit more horrifying than comical. I liked it well enough, but it didn't exactly bowl me over.
Every winter in Iceland, friends and relatives give each other a book. It is a national tradition, this exchange of literary presents, which means that all the books in Iceland are published around Christmastime.
The Sierra Club names the new urbanist East Downtown (EDo) redevelopment project one of the 12 best in the U.S.
Some things really do come back to life. Take the old Albuquerque High School, located at Broadway and Central, which, after a 30-year stint as a deteriorating building, has emerged as the focal point of the up-and-coming EDo corridor (located roughly between I-25 and the train tracks on Central, and Coal and Lomas on Broadway). Recently remodeled into stylish loft apartments, the project is now receiving national attention.
In October, The Free Lance-Star out of Fredericksburg, Va., ran an op-ed piece with the headline, "In New Mexico, season's always open for man, car and chopper." The writer, who lives in a rural area, describes a phone conversation with a friend who lives in Albuquerque during which the resident who supposedly lives in a good neighborhood hears a semi-automatic weapon being fired in the near distance. When he hears that "distinct popping noise" again he calls the police. The writer's friend returns to the phone and explains that our local gunfire situation is so bad that residents no longer pay attention to it.
After not quite one year in the State Legislature, one of the most important lessons I've learned is that we have, in our legislative processes, a powerful platform for the voice of the people ... though sometimes how that voice gets heard is not always readily clear.
In politics, success has many fathers, especially when it comes to big projects like arenas, baseball stadiums and building a light-rail system. Ask local leaders to show up at a press conference announcing a big new project and its like Fathers' Day at Furrs Cafeteria. Yet, ask them to sponsor funding (like a new tax) for one of these big amenities—and suddenly these projects become awkward, bucktoothed orphans.
Dateline: Ireland—Proof positive that, if there is a god, he loves the Irish: Fishermen on both sides of the Irish border netted an unexpected Christmas present, hauling in bottles and bottles of Irish cream liqueur from the ocean near the English coast. The bottles of Carolans Irish Creme liqueur were part of a consignment of 8,000 bottles lost last month when a container was swept overboard in a storm in the Bay of Biscay, between Spain and France. The fisherman's nets brought up the bottles still wrapped in special presentation packs that had been destined for the Christmas market in Spain. The presentation packs included not only the bottles of booze, but the glasses from which to drink it. Prawn fishing boats from such diverse ports as Dunmore East and Kilmore Quay in southeast Ireland, Clogherhead in the northeast and Kilkeel in Northern Ireland had reported catching the gift packs in an area off the English coast known as the Smalls. “We don't know how it got to be there,” John Chamney, export director for Ireland's C & C International drinks company, told AFP. “The liqueur was in a container that was swept off a ship in the Bay of Biscay. The container must have broken up when it hit the bottom, and then I suppose the Gulf Stream must have taken it. I haven't spoken to anyone who has sampled the booze but it would appear it is in perfect condition. The glasses hadn't been broken and the Carolans is very drinkable.”
Happy Trails, Cheryl— Cheryl Hooks, host of KUNM's "Ear to the Ground," panel member of the Albuquerque Music Association and champion of the all-ages music community in Albuquerque, is leaving New Mexico for a full-time on-air position in Arizona. "I'd like to say thanks to everyone in the New Mexico music scene," Cheryl said in an e-mail last week. "It's been a pleasure and a privilege to be a part of this community." I call say is, it's been a real honor working with the caliber of tireless local music advocacy that Cheryl has embodied through her work here in New Mexico. In parting, you can read Cheryl's "Crawl Out and Get Active" piece, here.
Get it on with ex-Fever Hot punky new-wave threesome Bang! Bang!, N.Y.C. evil bass-punk duo Mommy And Daddy, Burque's glam-bam thank-you-ma'ams The Foxx and maximus rockus via The Gracchi. Free on Saturday, Dec. 10, at Atomic Cantina. You must be 21 to ride this train. (LM)
with Oktober People, The Answer Lies and Tanuki
Every few years, I find myself driving through eastern New Mexico, looking for music: record stores, shows, even a--godhelpme—Hastings, if necessary.
Songsmiths with a penchant for similes
Former Madison, Wisconsinites and current Verbs members Seth Hoffman and Jacob Lowery came to Albuquerque over three years ago and settled in as the house band at Stella Blue. Over the course of several Tuesday night jam sessions at the club, Hoffman and Lowery joined up with mandolinist Christie Lipinskai, bassist Cory VanMinefee and drummer Vance VanDonselaar to create what Lowery candidly refers to as, "the only thing in my 16 years of playing music that I'm really proud of."
Thursday, Dec. 8, 10 p.m.; Burt's Tiki Lounge (21-and-over), free: DJ Swamp is stepping out from behind Beck's turntables with his recent hip-hop release, Never Is Now, and a solo tour. Yes, he played with Beck for four years, but he's not piggybacking off that fame; he's making his own. Never Is Now showcases Swamp's "turntablism" and rapping talents, and it sounds like what nü-metal should be aiming to achieve--a real collaboration of rap and rock. It's dark, hard rock with a kickin' beat and some majorly skilled scratching. In an interview with Alexander Laurence, Swamp said he was working as a street sweeper, even after winning the USA DMC Championship in 1996, until he posed as a reporter and dropped Beck a demo. Following in that "make my own opportunities" vein, Swamp wrote, produced, recorded and performed everything in Never Is Now. His life performance is self-produced, too—and it's much more than dark hair hanging in his face with an occasional hand gesture. He is a pyromaniac; well, a self-described "fire retard." He lights his hands on fire, breaks LPs--and then uses them as instruments--and, apparently, scratches his tongue with phonograph needles. Since it's low budget, he doesn't use flame retardant and has been hospitalized (though I don't know if Burt's allows fire displays of any kind during performances). In "Ring of Fire," Swamp calls himself "the inferno, burning down the show.” I think he's got a theme going here. So mod-clash dance partygoers: Be ready for a different reason to dance Thursday night. It's not the kind of DJ experience we often see in Burque.
Tuesday, Dec. 13; Atomic Cantina (21-and-over), free: Alain Whyte, Morrissey collaborator and current lead singer and songwriter for Los Angeles/London's Red Lightning, is bringing the stripped-down sound of his new three-piece to the Atomic Cantina. Whyte, who helped create such Morrissey faves as You Are the Query and Your Arsenal, has put together a power trio that draws much of its creative ammunition from bands like The Cult, The Smiths and U2.
We Have a Winner!—Congratulations to Jason Archuleta for correctly answering all the components of last week's food section quiz and puzzle! Jason emerges $50 richer in Wild Oats groceries and Belgian chocolates, and is the proud new owner of a FirmGrip Straight Peeler by Edge Resources. Way to go, bro!
Good food, no meat; good lord, let's eat
Vegetarian soul food? One of the nicest things about living in Albuquerque is the sheer variety of people, cultures and sweet, sweet grub. I had been hearing about the vegetarian soul food at La Siringitu for some time, so I decided to make a visit on a Sunday afternoon, just in time for their "gospel brunch."
Hey, egghead, have we got a treat for you. If you can complete these 20 questions correctly and turn them in sooner than anyone else along with a completed angry monkey puzzle (see facing page), you will be rewarded with a jaw-dropping jackpot of fabulous prizes, including a $15 gift certificate to Bookworks, a "mystery" gift certificate to Mecca Records, a whopping $100 gift certificate to the District, a box of Belgian chocolates from Wild Oats, an Alibi T-shirt, and last but certainly not least, an official Alibi flyswatter that will make you the envy of all your fellow eggheads.
Is your name Linthor, the High Unicorn of the Known Seven Realms of Strandall?
Is there only one of you?
Are you a horse, but gay?
Are you pure and good?
Do you have a mane of snowy white with lavender highlights?
Yes! But maybe no.
Do you game?
If you do game, do you have a Level 60 Night Elf Mage?
Are sweats your "uniform”?
Do you juggle or practice magic?
Do you Do the Dew?
Do you believe in fairies or unicorns?
Do you answer to a self-given nickname like Vinnie the Torch?
The entire staff of the Alibi took the following quiz, and to our dismay the answer is yes—yes, we are all going to hell. I, for one, don't care. It's going to be a party down there complete with delicious pelican meat.
Choose the answer that most closely applies to your guy.
1. You met him _______.
a.) in your dreams
b.) while on a bender
c.) on a dark and stormy night
2. When you go out on dates _______.
a.) his teeth sparkle and his ponytail gleams
b.) it's always slightly uncomfortable
c.) chicken fries are usually involved
3. He spends his free time _______.
a.) getting kittens out of trees
b.) working on his look
c.) kicking around the hack
4. Bedtime is the right time for _______.
a.) magic and tenderness
b.) moderate satisfaction
5. If he were an art movement he'd be ______.
a.) neoclassical; noble and tasteful
b.) impressionism; widely reproduced
c.) claymation; not even an art movement
6. His main form of transportation is ______.
a.) his pet pegasus
b.) a dune buggy
c.) your car
7. If he were an animal he'd be ______.
a.) a ferocious lion with a heart of gold
b.) a kitty cat
c.) dead, inedible chicken fries
8. His future plans include ______.
a.) mastering human flight
c.) Steel Reserve
9. He plans to accrue wealth through ______.
a.) his breakthrough concepts on human existence
c.) winning big on scratchers
10. Your relationship will be history when ______.
a.) he meets the long sleep of death
b.) like clear Pepsi, his charms fizzle out
c.) a blonde stripper named Krystal comes into the picture
A recent report shows that the Rio Grande is dirtier than we thought
The main physical circumstances of the Rio Grande seem timeless and impersonal. They assume meaning only in terms of people who came to the river.
Council president Brad Winter began the Nov. 21 meeting by presenting engraved Nambé ware platters to departing councilors Miguel Gómez and Tina Cummins. Cummins, who said she would be seeing the other councilors often but wouldn't miss council meetings, left shortly after.
The City Council will soon debate Albuquerque's nuclear weapons
You can bet that the pamphlets and the website information circulated by the Albuquerque Chamber of Commerce to prospective residents or business people interested in relocating here don't mention our weapons of mass destruction.
Three things you can do to continue the legacy of a civil rights icon
Sitting on the red cushioned bench, the sound of all the people singing filled the room like a thick, warm blanket. At that moment there was nowhere else I would have wanted to be—I was in a perfect state of comfort. The keyboards and the drums accompanied the voices belting out lyrics like, “Lord, do it for me right now.”
Dateline: Scotland—A real estate developer in central Scotland has had to scrap plans for a new housing development thanks to an alleged colony of fairies. Marcus Salter, head of Genesis Properties, says that a small group of villagers in St. Fillans, Perthshire, has protested his development plans, saying they would “harm the fairies.” Troubles began when Salter's company sent a bulldozer crew to begin work on the site just outside the village, overlooking the eastern shore of Loch Earn. Salter told The Times, “A neighbor came over shouting, ’Don't move that rock. You'll kill the fairies.'” Genesis Properties later received a series of phone calls saying their work was disturbing the local fairies. Salter tried to appease the locals by working around the disputed rock, upon which many locals believe ancient Pictish kings were crowned, but villagers continued to complain that the fairies would be “upset” by the work. “I went to a meeting of the community council and the concerns cropped up there,” Salter told reporters. The council was even considering lodging a complaint with the planning authority, likely to be the kiss of death for a housing development in a national park. “I do believe in fairies, but I can't be sure they live under that rock,” Council Chairman Jeannie Fox told The Times. Nonetheless, Fox believes the stone should remain unmolested. “There are a lot of superstitions going about up here and people do believe that things like standing stones and large rocks should never be moved.” Salter's new plans are to center the estate around a small park, in the middle of which will stand the disputed rock. He estimates that the fairy dispute has cost him some $30,000.
Art 'Round Every Corner—It's an especially groovy weekend for new exhibits here in Albuquerque. First off, over at Sol Arts (712 Central SE), there'll be a special comics extravaganza on Saturday, Dec. 3, to benefit Sweet Seven Thousands Baaad Assss Comics, a collective of Northern New Mexico writers and artists all of whom are interested in promoting the medium of comics. The event runs from noon to 6 p.m. For a mere $5, you'll get a full afternoon of entertainment including everything from music, poetry, film, video and caricatures to haircuts by the Blue Monkey School of Cosmetology. (I'm not sure what that's about.) For details, call 244-0049.
¡Zapata Vive! at the Jonson Gallery
In 1919, Emiliano Zapata—horse trainer, sharecropper and leader of the Liberation Army of the South—fell into a trap and was killed by Mexican troops. The only photographs taken of Zapata without his permission were of his dead body, dumped on the street by Venustiano Carranza's constitutionalists. Overnight, he became a martyr. Nearly a century later, images of Zapata are still used in art and political propaganda, often as a revolutionary symbol of the rights of the poor and voiceless.
All Over Albuquerque
Galleries across the entire city open their doors to the public this Friday evening for a citywide Artscrawl gallery tour. As always, this presents a fine opportunity to catch a bunch of smokin' hot new exhibits in a single evening while mingling with artists and gobbling a few snackedy-snacks while you're at it. Put on that top hat and tails, and hit the town. The tour runs from 5 to 9 p.m. For the full roster of participating galleries, call 244-0362 or go to artscrawlabq.org.
Tricklock Performance Space
The new production opening this weekend at the Tricklock Performance Space will provide audiences with a rare chance to see Shenoah Allen and Mark Chavez clothed in something other than pajamas. The comedy duo known as The Pajama Men have teamed up for a different kind of project in Love & Beauty, "a comic massacre" that evolved out of a Tricklock show from a couple years ago called Dandelion Clockwork. You will laugh. You will wince. You will wish you'd worn a plastic raincoat to protect your clothes from a rainstorm of blood and gore. Thursday through Saturday at 8 p.m. Sunday at 6 p.m. $15 general, $12 students/seniors. Thursday, Dec. 1, is a student rush performance. (Tickets are $8 with valid ID.) Friday, Dec. 2, is the catered opening night gala. (Eats and treats at 8 p.m. Curtain at 9 p.m. All tickets $20.) 254-8393.
Ski Lift Cinema—If you're a hardcore, mountain-thrashing, extreme winter sports enthusiast, then the name Warren Miller should ring a few bells. This weekend, Jeep and REI Sports will present Warren Miller's latest ski/snowboard opus Higher Ground. The documentary will play Friday and Saturday, Dec. 2 and 3, at the KiMo Theater. Show starts at 7 p.m. both nights. There will be displays in the KiMo lobby from regional ski areas just to whet your appetite. Tickets are $10 and are available at Ticketmaster, the KiMo box office and REI.
Bittersweet divorce drama leavens personal tragedy with private humor
According to statistics, roughly half of all modern marriages end in divorce. It would seem, then, that there are a lot of people wandering this Earth who can sympathize with a film that explores the repercussions of divorce. More, I would guess, than can sympathize with a movie about futuristic Marines battling demonic mutants on the surface of Mars.
Terror Beneath The Sea (1966)
I definitely have a warm place in my heart for old-school Japanese-American film collaborations. The Manster? Pure genius. Green Slime? Now that's quality entertainment. So when you throw mutant gill-men, secret agent-style hijinks and freakin' Sonny Chiba into that mix, well, now you're speaking my language. That's exactly what we get in the officially-released-for-the-first-time-ever Terror Beneath The Sea. And to top it all off, it was directed by none other than Hajime Sato, the same twisted bastard who brought us the acid-trip on celluloid known as Goke, Body Snatcher From Hell. (Loyal Alibi Midnight Movie Madness patrons are still recovering from that bad boy!)
“Entertainment Tonight” in syndication
Sometimes it's just time to bow out gracefully, to exit the stage with a bit of your dignity left. Johnny Carson retired just as his punchlines were teetering on the edge of self-parody. Jerry Seinfeld cut and run while his eponymous sitcom was at the top of the ratings heap. Hell, even “Star Trek: The Next Generation” warped out on a high note.
The Week in Sloth
The One Question IQ Test—What's the best album of all time, in five words or less? If you can answer this deceptively simple query correctly, you'll prove yourself to be the total musical genius you always thought you were. And if you reveal the identities of this week's three Sonic Reducer "Mystery Albums" (answers must include the artist's name, album title and record company of each), as well as the answer to our Flyer on the Wall Brain Tickler, you can also win an Alibi local music starter kit. That includes every album ever released by Socyermom Records (in the neighborhood of 15 albums, including the new Rock Outside The Box Vol. 2, and the much-coveted Ouch! compilation), three Detach Records releases, a Romeo Goes To Hell shirt and 25 local band buttons from rockstar clothiers I Heart Machine. We'll even throw in two tickets to Hella, a cool/weird electronic band off the Kill Rockstars label, who'll perform at the Launchpad on Thursday, Dec. 15. The first to e-mail the correct batch of answers (again: One Question IQ Test, Sonic Reducer Mystery Albums and the Flyer on the Wall Brain Tickler) to firstname.lastname@example.org wins the booty. Which is not as sweet as my booty, but it's still pretty fantastic.
The many musical chairs of Burque's most exciting new jazz troupe
If you really want to understand what it's like talking with the members of Jetpack Rental, just find the nearest 10 year old and give him a Red Bull, a candy bar and a twisted appreciation for music that borders on insanity.
Burque's original sisters of rock play their first hometown show in two years
Laura, Lisa and Gel are so goddamned cool. Which, according to the laws of physics, should make them catty and sarcastic, but they're not. The Eyeliners are sweet as sugar pie. They're also talented, road-scarred workaholics and their band, The Eyeliners, is a cornerstone in Albuquerque's hard-won legacy of great local rock and roll. I caught up with Gel, guitarist of the Eyeliners sisters, as they passed through Soccoro this summer on the Warped Tour. You can check them out right here in Burque, though, as The Eyeliners headline an all-ages show at the Launchpad on Friday, Dec. 2. They'll play with Stabbed in Back, The Visects and The Rumfits. Doors open at 8 p.m. A donation of nonperishable food items gets you in. Merry Xmas, boys and girls.
with Sleestaks, Mrs. Garrett and Deveat
Saturday, Dec. 3; Atomic Cantina (21-and-over), free: Seis Pistos are from Chihuahua, Mexico, where the locals' overwhelming musical preference lies in traditional ranchero songs and cumbias. But, given the increasingly borderless global society we all inhabit, that's starting to change: A performance at a 2004 Toronto music conference drove the point home when these Latin-alternative punks earned a near-perfect score of 99 out of 100. Ay-yay-yay!
I paid a visit to DJ Wataso while he was getting ready for his upcoming birthday show with CrazyFool and Felonious Groove Foundation at the District on Friday, Dec. 2. "How many people live in this tiny, one bedroom apartment?" I wondered aloud. "Three," he replied, not even looking up from his turntables. "How old are you all?" I asked, looking around his sloppy digs. "Come Friday, the product of our ages will be 225, while the sum is the same as the apartment number we're in, which is 31," he replied. "Well, are you the oldest?" I asked. "Why yes, I am," he responded. So, how old will DJ Wataso turn this Friday? (LM)
Ninja Sushi is Under New Management—Yun-Hee Kirson recently took over the Japanese restaurant that sits on the Northeast corner of San Pedro and Montgomery, while her brother, James Oh, is stepping up behind the line. Yun-Hee says James, a former Samurai Grill sushi chef, has a wonderful repertoire of new and traditional sushi creations to offer the restaurant. The pair plan to change the name of the restaurant to Midori—the Japanese word for "green," and a popular woman's name in Japan. Ninja Sushi is closed Sunday mornings and Mondays, and open for lunch on weekdays from 11:30 a.m. to 2:30 p.m. Dinner is served from 5 to 9:30 p.m. on weekdays, or until 10 p.m. on Fridays and Saturdays. Call 830-2507 to your order in.
Are you a bonafide gastronomical sleuth? Test your noodle with these food-based brainteasers and find out! Answer the trivia questions on the first page of the Food Section, then match each down-market beer with its corresponding slogan on this page. Mail both sets of answers to “Food Quiz” at 2118 Central SE PMB 151, Albuquerque, N.M., 87106. The first person to correctly answer the trivia and match the beer will win a fabulous pile of prizes, including two $25 Wild Oats gift certificates (a combined value of $50), a box of Wild Oats brand natural Belgian Chocolates and a FirmGrip Straight Peeler by Edge Resources.
1. What is the name of the reaction that causes onions to change colors when cooked and turns the natural sulfurs into sugars?
A. The Pavlov reaction
B. The Maillard reaction
C. The Brown reaction
D. The Anthocyanin reaction
2. The flavor of mushrooms is caused by this naturally-occurring acid:
A. sulfuric acid
B. salicylic acid
C. glutamic acid
D. lysergic acid
3. Green spots on potatoes are caused by overexposure to which element?
4. What percentage of beef cows in the United States are given growth hormones?
A. 40 percent
B. 50 percent
C. 70 percent
D. 90 percent
5. In what year were potato chips invented?
The folksy charm of a day on the farm
Where in this city can you find handmade local crafts and a hot, juicy steak sandwich in the same place? Hannah and Nate's is a Westside one-stop shop for both farm-cottage décor and killer sandwiches and salads. And if you catch her at the right moment, Megan the server will sing for your entertainment.