Raw posts and updates from our writers with info too timely or uncategorizable for print. What, we said something stupid? Chime in, buddy.
The Daily Word in dog fighting, bee die-offs and racist principals
By Ty Bannerman [ Wed May 13 2015 12:06 PM ]
A year after an accidental release of radiation from WIPP, the Deparment of Energy has said the facility is now totes okay for storing waste plutonium.
Some people's first instinct when they see a bear is to chase it with a hatchet. Police would like to remind you that that instinct is wrong.
A man with an obscured face wants you to know a few things about dog fighting.
A Georgia High School principal blames Satan for the racial remarks she made during a graduation ceremony. Satan could not be reached for comment.
Two Florida hearse drivers have been fired after they made a quick pit stop to pick up some doughnuts. Which I guess you're not supposed to do when there's a corpse in the back of the car.
The Daily Word in radiation fines, poop-free beards and Deflategate
By Ty Bannerman [ Wed May 6 2015 1:56 PM ]
It’s Wednesday, May 6,
And an “abstinence only” high school’s student population is suffering from a chlamydia outbreak.
Oh, hey, remember Deflategate? It’s back.
One employee has been released from the hospital and another remains critical after an accident at Los Alamos National Labs.
New Mexico cattle have been mysteriously disappearing. Probably stolen by rustlers. I mean, aliens. Obviously, aliens.
A rapist on probation was thrown back into jail after it was discovered he owned a copy of the “Girl with the Dragon Tattoo” DVD.
And the Department of Energy has agreed to pay the state of New Mexico $73 million dollars in fines following a radiation leak at the WIPP underground waste facility.
Have a great day!
The Daily Word in taxes, divorce, and human head transplants
By Ty Bannerman [ Wed Apr 15 2015 11:07 AM ]
Good morning! It’s April 15, 2015
And it is Tax Day!
The Hugo Awards for science-fiction literature have become yet another cultural battleground as an organization called the “Sad Puppies” attempt to game the system away from rewarding “literary” works and those that portray “minority or victim groups,”
Getting a divorce can give you a heart attack, especially if you’re a woman,
UNM’s student government will be eliminating all gender specific pronouns from their constitution,
A pharmacist at a Georgia Walmart declined to fill a woman’s miscarriage medication because she “couldn’t think of a valid reason why you would need this prescription”
Arkansas police are installing spyware on lawyers’ computers,
And a man with a degenerative disease is “excited” to be first in line for a head transplant.
Have a great day!
The Daily Word in DANCE PARTY
By Ty Bannerman [ Wed Apr 8 2015 11:33 AM ]
I don’t know about you guys, but I’m pretty bummed out after watching that video of the cop shooting the dude in the back.
That’s why I’m taking extraordinary action and declaring that today’s Daily Word will be a special
Special secret magic! Play all these videos at once while posting them on your friends' facebook walls, and exactly %.5 of the world's misery will melt away!
The Daily Word in Colorado's famous green chile
By Ty Bannerman [ Wed Apr 1 2015 11:23 AM ]
Good morning, it’s April 1, 2015
And Colorado is trying to steal our chile,
Mayor Berry announced the latest bike-friendly improvement for our city: painting bike lanes turquoise,
A kid’s party at a Chuck E. Cheese turned into a brawl, which is totally understandable if you’ve ever been to a Chuck E. Cheese,
A former German policeman was convicted of murdering and eating another man, even though the man wanted him to, and also he was really hungry,
you can buy a special Voltron just for your cats,
Game of Thrones is coming back soon, so you’d better spend some time playing with the Game of Thrones Catch-Up-Machine,
And, of course, it’s April Fool’s Day, so uh, your shirt’s on fire.
Now it’s out.
The Daily Word in the crimes of Blanco Diablo
By Ty Bannerman [ Wed Mar 25 2015 9:22 AM ]
Good morning, it’s Wednesday, March 25
and drug dealer Eugene Crane, aka “Blanco Diablo” aka “The Boogie Man,” has been arrested for allegedly wrapping the body of one of his customers in plastic and then dumping her in an empty lot near Roller Skate City after the woman overdosed. Before dumping her, but after she died, he allegedly made time to join his family for dinner,
Geologists with the United States Air Force are set to begin construction on a well to extract poisonous chemicals from Albuquerque’s water supply. The well will be located in a church parking lot, right next to the basketball court,
the Atlantic’s Jeffrey Goldberg wonders if it’s time for “the Jews to leave Europe,”
a Detroit eviction crew discovered the corpses of two children stashed in a deep freeze inside of a vacant apartment. The mother of the children has been taken into custody,
in some of the least depressing news to come out of Iraq, ISIS apparently blew up Saddam Hussein's tomb,
a baby eagle hatched live on eagle-cam,
and a restaurant in Africa has closed down after attracting negative attention for their “no blacks” policy.
The Daily Word in St. Patrick's Day
By Ty Bannerman [ Tue Mar 17 2015 11:29 AM ]
Good morning, it’s Tuesday, March 17,
Brush up on the real St. Patrick here.
And if you seek authenticity, don’t forget to eat your parsnips!
Maybe you can find some at local Albuquerque restaurants that are celebrating Restaurant Week?
Meanwhile, the New York St. Patrick’s Day Parade is, for the first time, allowing an LGBT group to march. That’s right, one LGBT group is allowed to march, and it happens to be made up of employees of NBC, the network that threatened to boycott coverage of the parade if they didn’t.
Finally, dentists are excited about the holiday because so many people get into bar fights that result in the loss of teeth. So support your local dental clinic and mouth off to a drunken leprechaun tonight!
Best of Burque voting begins!
By Ty Bannerman [ Wed Mar 11 2015 12:53 PM ]
Attention residents of Albuquerque!
For over two decades, the Weekly Alibi has asked YOU to help us honor the very best that our unique city has to offer. Well, it’s that time again. From art galleries to vape shops; from best politician to best local band, this is your chance to let the world know what you love about Burque.
Just log in and fill out the ballot. It’s that easy!
The Daily Word in Breaking Bad pizza, iPhone hacking and court-mandated circumcision
By Ty Bannerman [ Wed Mar 11 2015 11:19 AM ]
Good morning, it’s Wednesday, March 11,
and the New Mexico senate has killed an anti-union bill,
Sandia Labs is trying to hack into your iPhone,
Breaking Bad fans keep throwing pizzas on some lady’s NE Heights home,
video game designers still don’t know how boobs work,
members of the University of Oklahoma’s SAE fraternity are sorry for being so racist,
and a Florida woman is running from the law because she doesn’t want her 4-year-old son circumcised.
Have a great day!
The Daily Word in Mt. Everest's poop problem, PARCC protests and National Grammar Day
By Ty Bannerman [ Wed Mar 4 2015 9:18 AM ]
Good morning, it’s Wednesday, March 4,
a “party bike” will soon be wobbling through the streets of Downtown Albuquerque, bringing up to 14 drunken pedalers to the pubs of there choice,
the man who invented Keurig coffee makers thinks the disposable single-use coffee packets are to expensive and bad for the environment,
APS is threatening to criminally charge students who protest the controversial PARCC test,
and its National Grammer Day, everybody! Check out Grammar Girls’ editing checklist here and then post all the errors you find in today’s Daily Word in the comments below. Whoever finds the most errors will win a heaping helping of smug self-satisfaction!
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Syd Masters and the Swingriders • Western at Arte de Placitas
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