Christmas will be here before you know it, but that's no excuse to steal trees from dead people.

After seeing how much fun Albuquerque had with it, Valencia County is considering an abortion ban of its own.

North Carolina police have successfully captured Bubba the rogue goat. APD take note: they didn't shoot him.

109 gun related state laws have been passed since the Newtown massacre. 70 of them loosened restrictions.

Another Albuquerque restaurant decided that it could cut costs by not paying its employees the legal minimum wage. But it turns out that the Feds look down on that sort of thing.

Should the teachings of the church be allowed in the public square? What if it's the Church of Satan?

For those who have been too often stymied by the choice between playing a board game and handling dead rodents, here's the chess set you've been waiting for.

Pope Francis has been named Time's Person of the Year due to his incredible achievement of not being completely terrible.

 

Private eyes are you watching you. Reply or see more “I Saw You” ads at alibi.com/personals.

It was Thursday, 11·6·13. You were in line at Walmart wearing a gray sweat outfit, buying gift cards. I complimented your hair— you have a Mohawk—and regret not getting at least your name. I stopped shopping just to get in line before you left and still blew it. I hope you see this, you are amazing. I would love to get to know you!!

Can't stop kicking myself for not asking for your number. I asked if you and your friend were sisters, then you showed me her son's picture with an awesome-looking beard like mine. I loved the perfume you wore and your petite nature … contact me—maybe we could have coffee or something. LA is only 30 minutes from SF…

The Bearded Shy Guy…

We were both shopping at Sprouts. We're both redheads. While reaching for tomatoes, I noticed your beautiful gold cuff. I thought it was the sun, but you said it was Medusa, and that that was the face on the cuff. We talked for a while and I think I sensed something there—was there? If nothing else, I'd love to know where online you bought the cuff.

I saw you at Artisan Art Supply. It was a Tuesday. You were looking at acrylic paint while I was at the register. I can only wish I had more time to wander the store and explore the sights.

~Lady with sunglasses on her head. Silly, I know.

[link]

I park my truck on a hill and go into an art gallery. I am joined by three beautiful girls. The tall, loud blond is their leader. She ridicules the paintings for a while and we leave. As I follow them out, the proprietor pleads with me in a humorous Scottish brogue to please buy a painting for my wife. Before I can say anything, he answers for me defiantly: "No, of course not!" The girls wait for me outside, standing against a short chain link fence in the sun. I reenact the encounter for them. They all laugh. We now must cross a muddy river flowing in a deep ravine to get back to our cars. I lead the way, slipping down the muddy bank. I walk upstream for a while to rinse off the mud. My pale blue jeans are all wet but nearly clean. Back on the street, I am confused by the roads and am unable to find my truck. I enter a large glass building. Inside, I see that the doorways are like bulkheads on a battleship. I enter through a doorway at the end of a long a hallway and find myself in a large room with another bulkhead doorway leading out into the same hallway. Here, I am approached by Madonna, who has gained some weight. She leads me to her bed. I worry that someone will come through the door.

• Madonna is like a wergin (upchuck) [ Tue Dec 10 2013 1:11 PM ]