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Music

Calling All Juggernauts

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Welcome Home

Hailing from upstate New York, Coheed and Cambria have been bringing variety to the prog/metal scene since the mid-nineties. They gained wide and well-deserved exposure after opening for Iron Maiden during their recent North American tour; an opportunity given to only the most talented and promising musicians in the rock/metal genre.

Claudio Sanchez, Coheed’s mop-headed front man and lead guitarist, seamlessly blends elements of pop and punk into their primarily prog rock sound. The result: compositions complex and technical, but not so much that they alienate the listener. Vocal harmonizing and other pop elements add a catchy, anthemic quality to the music without diluting the intensity of their massive metal force. All six studio albums are concept albums based on a series of sci-fi comics written by Sanchez, but don’t let this deter you. These boys are not mere D&D nerds. They are seasoned musicians with a knack for infectious hooks and clever lyrics. Even fans that aren’t crazy about their studio albums will tell you that a live Coheed show is unparalleled. Like many bands that come through the Duke, Coheed sells out stadiums in bigger cities and headlines international festivals, but we are fortunate to have them right here on our very own Sunshine stage Wednesday night.

If you are a rocker and you’re not pumped for this show, then you need to think about trading your car in for a station wagon, buying some loafers and shopping for life insurance. A night with Coheed and Cambria will alleviate your depression. It will cathartically mend your broken heart. It will breathe energy into the weak, tired parts of your life, juggernaut. The crowd will not be your usual metal pickle party. Get your ass off the couch, put on your tight pants, and come out to meet your destiny.

Coheed and Cambria will be blessing the Sunshine Stage Wednesday night supported by Between the Buried and Me, and Russian Circles.

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    Music

    Still Bonin’ in the Boneyard

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    Formed in ’79 while they were in High School, Fishbone were signed by a record label the same year they graduated. For over three decades, they have shared their unique punk/funk/ska hybrid with fans everywhere, breaking down racial barriers and earning street cred with punk rockers and rappers alike.

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      Timewaster

      “Not now—I’m drunk on Hanson ...”

       
      Image from hansonews.com
       

      As the tweenie boppers of the late ’90s began skipping the junior high dances in favor of smoking weed and watching Being John Malkovich, the tow-headed Hanson brothers faded into obscurity ... or so it seemed. The only Hanson ditty anyone remembers is the unforgivable scatty earworm that surely made Cab Calloway roll in his grave.

      Unbeknownst to anyone who's had a driver's license for more than a decade, the boys have actually released 11 studio albums and received three Grammy nominations, and will soon be releasing their own beer: MMMhop.

      No, really.

      Isaac, Taylor and Zac are all married now with little Hanson mouths to feed, and merchandising the heck out of the family name. The brew is set for release in 2012, but will the IPA be any good? Wouldn't it be tastier and less filling to rollerskate down memory lane with a can of of your favorite suds and a gander at similar schlocky nonsense?

        Music

        GWAR at the Sunshine tonight!

        God, what an awesome racket

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        GWAR performing "Womb with a View"
        Regardless of whether you're a metal head, a fan of gore and filth, or simply an appreciator of lowbrow humor, GWAR is a concert not to be missed. You'll laugh, you'll cry and you'll be soaked by a giant blood canon. The band has recently suffered the untimely death of guitarist Cory Smoot. His character, Flattus Maximus, has been retired, but the show goes on. GWAR not only offers a dirty, sticky performance, but they are actually pretty tight metal musicians. Oderus Urungus fearlessly leads "the earth's only openly extraterrestrial rock band" with his devilish, bovine charm and his awe-inspiring cod piece.

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        GWAR on Joan Rivers

        Ladies, this will be a total pickle party, so come with a posse. It is the only time you will ever see rockers wearing white. With any luck, I'll be the one in the wedding dress.

        The show is at the Sunshine. Doors at 7 p.m. Opening acts are Every Time I Die and Warbeast.

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        Music

        S**t, that's tight?

        Why Jack White is the newest ass-“Clown”

        Shaggy 2 Dope, Jack White and Violent J
        Shaggy 2 Dope, Jack White and Violent J

        In recent years, Jack White has surprised his listening audience with a diverse array of musical collaborations. He's worked with talents from vastly different genres, from Loretta Lynn to Alicia Keys. After the dissolution of The White Stripes, fans of White have been eager to see who he might work with next. It's safe to say no fan was, is, or may ever be ready for his collaboration with Insane Clown Posse. For those of you like me who thought Juggalos—the equivalent of "Dead Heads" on PCP that follow a rap duo with painted faces—were a myth created by your mildly inebriated roommate (until you saw Hatchet Man rattle-canned on your neighbor's pick-up), they are very much in existence. These devoted fans dress accordingly, and even drink Faygo—the Juggalo drink of choice.

        It appears that Jack White has produced ICP's new single, "Leck Mich Im Arsch," which samples a Mozart piece from 1782.

        Yes, the intellectual duo that encouraged its listeners to ponder the physical properties of magnets now has Third Man Records in its arsenal. The song's lyrics mildly praise Mozart as "dope for the most part," and urges the listener to "spread your butt cheeks" and prepare for a tonguing from a couple of no-good mimes. This news has cast a dark cloud over the day as it begs the question, Did someone lose a bet?

        Music

        The Closest You'll Get to the Sunset Strip

        L.A. Guns
        L.A. Guns

        L.A. Guns played a large roll in defining the glam metal scene in the late ’80s in Hollywood. Thanks to Headbangers Ball, the teenagers out here in the desert were able to get a taste of that glittery glory. I've seen the Guns live a handful of times over the years, and they still deliver a hot, dirty, balls-out show.

        These guys are not artifacts of the past. Seeing them live is not a guilty pleasure. It's just effin’ good. Air your stinky leathers out, tease up that purdy hair, and bring your damaged eardrums and your bad attitude down to the Launchpad Sunday night ... Oh, and you can French kiss your Monday morning goodbye. Rest assured it will be worth it. Not sure what to wear? Might I suggest the following:

        -Any combination of black leather and lace

        -Any number of bandanas tied to your hat, boot, or any body part

        -Anything that would increase your likelihood of seeing the back of a limousine ... or squad car

          In Memoriam

          Honoring the dead

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          No one wants to be remembered for drug-addled antics or for being booed off the stage for a drunken, mediocre performance. Here's a clip of Amy Winehouse at 20, sharing her gift with the world.

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            Music

            The City Kidds are alright!!

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            The Tesla show sold out last-minute at the Hard Rock on Saturday night. I was sulking alone with my Stoli & Tonic at the smoke-filled Center Bar when a middle-aged, long-haired rocker dressed in camo and white sneakers tried to scalp me a ticket. He wanted $50 but I talked him down to $20, and I was in!

            There were no expectations: Just another band I had never seen live that I needed to cross off my list. Little did I know I was in for an ass-kicking surprise.

            In 1986, after two years together, the band changed its name from City Kidd to Tesla and took the “Headbangers Ball” viewers by storm.

            Tesla was lumped in with glam metal bands despite its lack of spandex, hair spray or makeup. Like many talented bands of the era, they went down with the rock ship as it collided with a glacier known as grunge in 1991. After a brief hiatus, the band was resurrected in the early oughts, and is proudly on tour in celebration of 25 years together.

            With four out of five original members, Tesla sounded tight, looked amazing and had a vibrant stage presence. Say what you will about metal, but a live metal show will always deliver if there’s a solid drummer, lightning-fast guitarists, a vocalist with a vast range, and a sound engineer that can bring out the best in the music.

            Tesla’s older, harder songs were surprisingly face-melting, while the newer stuff was refreshing—reminiscent but not redundant. Though "Love Song" tempted us all to hug our drunken neighbor, the real shining star was "Paradise," an epic tear-jerker of a power ballad that brought out the lighters and filled a small chasm in my cold, bitter heart.

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              Technology

              Gifting Gab

              Donate your old cell phones to overseas troops

               
               

              In the past, I've had a few friends who made fighting with their boyfriends an art form.  I'm talking about the kind of fighting where they would scream and yell, throw themselves out of slowly-moving cars, destroy their boyfriends' cell phones and go storming off into the darkness.  I'm sure you know the type.  If you're not one of these soap opera stars of life, chances are you have at least one cell phone sitting in a drawer somewhere that you've retired for the newer, sleeker model. You know you'll never use it again (or break it). There are many people overseas serving our country that could take that tiny machine and put it to good use. Please do a stranger a favor.  You can donate your phones to any AFD fire station or APD substation. Delete all of the content on your cell phone prior to donating by going to this site. For the full 411, check out Cellphonesforsoldiers.com. If you're the type of person that hangs on to stuff just in case, keep in mind you can still go for lamps and dishes if you really need to destroy something to get your point across.

                news

                Poisonous Sea Snakes Invade BioPark

                ... Run!

                Indiana Jones would not be happy
                Indiana Jones would not be happy

                Like many of you, I find snakes as fascinating and seductive as I do terrifying. They can be unpredictable and intimidating in their exotic, alluring beauty.  Wait—are we still taking about snakes here? Anywho, it seems the BioPark decided it would be the ideal place to raise two venomous snakes rescued from an "accidental capture." Apparently, the snakes got tangled in with a fish shipment of some sort, and ended up in Cali. These snakes, dear cowboys and girls, are not your average rattlers. They are Hydrophis fasciatus, sea snakes from India considered to be among the deadliest species on planet Earth.  I imagine I'm not the only citizen of the Duke City that considers this a bad idea. The irony here is that these snakes are also among the more fragile of reptiles and almost never survive in captivity. Experts are on the case and reptile enthusiasts are aroused by the prospect of these two slinky scoundrels making the BioPark their long-term crib. Will this be a break-through for zoo keepers and serpent-lovers alike, or a deadly tragedy for some unlucky zoo-goer that most obviously could have been avoided? To snake lovers partial to the two-eyed variety, I say visit the BioPark this summer if you must, but be sure to bring your anti-venom.

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                    $50 Tattoo benefit
                    $50 Tattoo benefit6.1.2013