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news

The Daily Word in eyeball licking, Police Oversight Commission resignations and Captain Underpants

The Daily Word

It's Wednesday April 16

and three of Albuquerque's six member Police Oversight Commission have resigned, saying that they have no real power to do their jobs, that the City Attorney's Office has undermined them at every turn, and that the Commission is a 'mockery' in terms of oversight,

cleanup crews are moving toward the contaminated section of WIPP, very, very slowly,

and Governor Susana Martinez is being compared to Sarah Palin and eyed for a presidential run.

Meanwhile, a ferry boat sank off the cost of South Korea, possibly killing hundreds,

children are struggling to understand the unfathomable mystery of the Sony Walkman,

parents are complaining to libraries about the use of words like "pee-pee" and "Dr. Diaper" in the Captain Underpants book series,

and a man was arrested after licking a cop's eyeball outside of a bar called "Pisser's Palace."

Have a great day!

Personals

"I Saw You" on the Central Ave. Median

Who saw? Who was seen? Was it you?

“Charity creates a multitude of sins.” –Oscar Wilde | Reply or see more “I Saw You” ads at alibi.com/personals.

I was behind you in the checkout at Smiths on 4th on 4/14, 6pm

I was behind you in the checkout lane at Smith's on 4th Street. You looked up as I began to put my groceries onto the belt, you stopped for a minute, we looked at one another and smiled. Our eyes met several more times. I wished that you would talk to me. You finished checking out. When I came out of the store I saw you again putting your groceries into your white truck. We smiled again. I put my groceries into my silver Honda. We met at the basket return. I wished you had asked for my number.

MY BAD: I'LL BE MORE ATTENTIVE NEXT TIME

YES, It is MY BAD in that the fender of my classic Nash Metropolitan grazed you, however so slightly, while YOU appeared out of nowhere from the median of Central Avenue, sporting a cardboard placard emblazoned with "NO MORE EATING OF GUINEA PIGS BY SOUTH AMERICANS." Not hip to the current causes of rectifying injustices, and stalled at the next red light, I offered you a donation of five bucks toward your endeavors. YOU graciously declined the offer and said, "Shove it up your ass, dickweed.”

Very Sweet

You work at the Coop here on campus. You used to have longer hair than you do now (which btw works either way). Usually when I see you, I get super nervous. I wish I knew what to say. I don't think I'd ever have a chance but I'd just like to let you know, you are very handsome and seeing you when I do, is very nice.

Sincerely,

Not a creeper.

"Your Smell Made Me Well"

Whenever I see you, my mind flashes on a flood of memories: Mooshie saying I'd make a great Daddy; the sweetness of your mouth after our marathon kissing sessions; the silky-softness of your skin; waking to your golden hair in the morning sun; the oniony scent of your underarms; the slightly musky scent from under your perfect breasts; the yeasty scent from between your alabaster thighs; the hammy scent from between your marvelous buttocks. Without you I survive, I don't live. Come back.

Press Release

Statement From the Department of Justice Condemning Threats of Violence Against Police Officers

ALBUQUERQUE – Last week the Department of Justice announced findings that the Albuquerque Police Department has systemic failures that have led to a pattern or practice of unconstitutional use of force, including deadly force. Although these problems are serious and run deep, we have the commitment of the City to work together to bring about meaningful reform within the Albuquerque Police Department.

We have learned that fliers advocating violence against police officers are being disseminated in Albuquerque. The Justice Department condemns threats of violence against police officers, and encourages all sectors of the community to participate in the critical dialogue that will bring about the reform that will promote constitutional policing and will rebuild the community’s trust in its Police Department. The path to reform is through dialogue among the City, the Police and the many communities that make up Albuquerque, and the negotiation and implementation of a court-enforceable agreement.

Individuals who wish to have input into developing the reforms or who have information relevant to the Justice Department’s investigation into the use of force by the Albuquerque Police Department are encouraged to contact us by email at community.albuquerque@usdoj.gov or by calling our toll free number, (855) 544-5134, which is available for both English and Spanish speakers.

news

The Daily Word in Google drones, banning cars from the Santa Fe plaza and rumours of an AC/DC breakup have snowballed

The Daily Word

Albuquerque police and family members are looking for this mentally disabled kid who ran away from school on April 9th. He was last seen (by this writer) in the 4th and Central area yesterday evening.

Tuesday April 15th 2014: your taxes are due.

There was blood on the moon last night.

Google bought a drone company in Moriarty, New Mexico.

The mayor of Santa Fe wants to make the plaza pedestrian-only.

Pollution in China is affecting the weather.

Things are heating up in Ukraine.

Pulitzers were announced.

Dr. Kevorkian painted a lot of surreal and creepy pictures.

There is a smoke ring halo over England.

Munich has "official nudist zones".

It was a long way to the top in this dog eat dog world, but it now looks like the end of the highway for AC/DC.

news

The Daily Word in Russian jets, dead babies and the blood moon

The Daily Word

Introducing the marijuana vending machine.

A Russian jet buzzed a US Warship in the Black Sea, threateningly.

Don’t miss tonight’s “blood moon” lunar eclipse.

Utah authorities found seven dead babies in a woman’s home.

“Seaweed.” Finally we can talk to dolphins.

Graphene will change our lives.

There’s a pyramid in North Dakota.

An abused Albuquerque toddler is hospitalized.

Ho Ho’s had a sewage problem, but they’re open again now.

Happy birthday, Rod Steiger.

Weekly Alibi
 V.20 No.52 | December 29 - January 4, 2012 
cover
The Alibi reviews the year in arts, food, TV, film and news!
The year's most newsworthy news from around the city, state and country.
The tuneage your eardrums danced to during the last 365.
A feast of culinary hot topics from 2011.
The films that delighted and reviled in 2011.
The most eye-poppin' art of 2011.

Join our mailing list for exclusive info, the week's events and free stuff!
 

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    Old Man Markley
    Old Man Markley4.29.2014