We screwed up! We didn’t get Guild Cinema’s regular ad in this week’s print edition of Weekly Alibi. Here, now, is the ad that should have run, in all its glory. We’re sorry, movie fans!

Introducing the marijuana vending machine.

A Russian jet buzzed a US Warship in the Black Sea, threateningly.

Don’t miss tonight’s “blood moon” lunar eclipse.

Utah authorities found seven dead babies in a woman’s home.

“Seaweed.” Finally we can talk to dolphins.

Graphene will change our lives.

There’s a pyramid in North Dakota.

An abused Albuquerque toddler is hospitalized.

Ho Ho’s had a sewage problem, but they’re open again now.

Happy birthday, Rod Steiger.

Today at 5pm, the Albuquerque City Council meeting will exclusively consider the issue of public safety and APD violence.

Meanwhile, APD got their own rally of support on Sunday.

Rest in peace, Mickey Rooney and John Pinette.

There were earthquakes in Oklahoma.

Cops and firemen duked it out in a charity hockey game.

Watch what happens when an alligator bites an electric eel.

Oxygen injections make breathing unnecessary.

They’re making a Goonies sequel.

Scientists have given names to 15 more emotions.

New MU-MIMO chips will triple wifi speeds.

Someone is pooping on slides in Michigan.

The Supreme Court ruled that Elane Photography’s refusal to photograph gay weddings is discriminatory.

Happy birthday, James Garner.

Mayor Berry held a press conference to address APD protests and concerns of excessive force.

Improper logging led to the Washington mudslide.

A baptism ceremony was swept out to sea.

Elton John is getting married.

The healthcare deadline is here.

Ronan Farrow faces ratings woes.

Learn the proper way to eat Tic Tacs.

You can actually sell your crappy CDs.

How much pee in a swimming pool could kill you?

Learn to flirt scientifically.

Psychedelic drugs can relieve despair in terminal patients.

Happy birthday, Christopher Walken.

A Washington mudslide has claimed at least eight fatalities.

An O’Hare Airport train derailment has injured at least 32 people.

Rest in peace, James Rebhorn.

Rest in peace, Oderus Urungus.

Japanese manhole covers are cool.

Do you want to build a snowman?

There was a police shooting in Los Lunas.

A man was rescued from Rio Grande quicksand.

Check out Albuquerque’s future buses.

Happy birthday, Harry Houdini.

“Ask me about my growling!”

I wanted to enter Gomez in Best of Burque, but when I tried to send his picture in (to me) there was some kind of … photorazzle.boogerbomb thing I had to register on … and then the phone rang, and I spilled my coffee, and Dr. Cyclops was on and I just never got back to it. Does everything have to be so complicated?

No, it doesn’t. And it’s not fair we should miss out on so many photos of babies, dogs, cars and tattoos because of some complicated thing we set up a few years ago. My apologies to the 50 or so of you who jumped through the hoops.

Now you can just email your photos to bob2014@alibi.com by noon on Monday, March 24. We’ll put some of them in our Best of Burque issue, on stands Thursday, April 3. (Yes, I know it will actually be out on Wednesday April 2, but we like making that complicated, too. Don’t ask. It’s a weird little publishing thing.)

And remember, you still have until midnight tonight (Tuesday, March 18) to submit your Best of Burque votes, or even just change them around in case you just discovered a great new … furniture store or something.

Also, dog photos aside, we really do just count up the votes with no monkey business—so don’t call me complaining if your grandma’s nicknack nook didn’t win an award. It’s not my fault. Believe in us. Believe in the system.

Obama has sanctions for Russia.

George Michael gave up sucking on pot pipes.

IOS 7.1 has problems.

Rest in peace, David Brenner.

Happy St. Patrick’s Day. Let’s turn the river green.

Let’s try to have an ASMR episode today.

Don’t forget to remember to forget.

What puts the fire in the firefly?

Police shot a guy in the foothills.

It’s illegal to sleep in your car and to drive in your bed.

Happy birthday, Kurt Russell.

The music leg of SXSW 2014 is kicking off this week. What was it like 25 years ago? Take a look. (Thanks to our old pal and former graphic designer Ari for putting this on her Facebooks for me to steal!)

Did Flight MH370 disintigrate in midair?

A smoldering body was found in San Diego.

A Decatur woman with Alzheimer’s was living with her husband’s dead body for a month.

In Greeley, stoners can’t get haircuts at Hugo’s Barber Shop. LSD is probably okay, though.

There was an election and everyone voted for Kim Jong Un. Dennis Rodman won’t go visit him again, though.

Hipsters like obscure bands, then stop liking them when they achieve commercial success.

Mercury, the cat with no arms, amuses humans by walking upright.

Drug users are reportedly being extorted by people posing as DEA agents. Drug users who are approached by these fake agents should, um, contact the DEA immediately.

An Albuquerque man is in custody after police learned he had been holding his wife hostage in their home for the past four days. The wife escaped and called police from a neighbor’s house when the man went to get cigarettes. The man then hid from police in his mother’s house. Drugs may have been involved.

Tesla’s new battery factory might be in New Mexico. Deja vu.

Happy birthday, Chuck Norris.

Russia is becoming a real problem.

Who won at the 2014 Academy Awards? Did Devin O’Leary guess right?

Sleep and longevity are closely linked.

A baby’s brain tumor had teeth.

You should eat more bugs.

Iranian law allows for creative sentencing.

How’s that bitcoin thing working for you?

Watch a cute panda cub play with a ball.

Try this new deep-fried confection.

Springsteen does Lorde.

Pecans like this weather, at least.

Texting while driving is now illegal in New Mexico.

Rio Rancho votes tomorrow.

What’s happening today?

Happy birthday, James Doohan.