Headline OTD? “Mountain lion has left crawl space under Los Feliz home”

You’ve probably heard of fainting goats, but what about painting goats?

Larry Bob Phillips’ mural puts the R back in Albuquerque.

Marco Rubio and Hillary Clinton are running for president in 2016.

Hillary Clinton hasn’t driven a car since 1996.

A woman is pregnant with quadruplets at 65.

Scientists: Evidence of Bigfoot exists.

Tori Spelling was severely burned.

Michael Jackson prank called Russell Crowe for years.

Look what’s playing at the Guild this week. Their ad on page 66 of this week’s issue looks like it got chewed up in the digital lawnmower. Alas, ye. Now begone!

A couple of coked up transvestites were involved in a shootout near the NSA headquarters.

According to Amtrak, the Southwest Chief is still going to run through New Mexico, despite previous plans to exclude the state.

There was a shootout at Applebee's on Academy last night involving two rival biker "clubs." Witnesses refused to cooperate with investigators. It probably didn't go quite like this:

The “Daily Show” has a new host.

Selfie sticks have been banned at two of the nation’s largest music festivals.

Scientists and artists are working together to better discern patterns in digital data.

Here’s how our brains help us bounce back from a nasty breakup.

When it comes to Scientology and real estate, there’s no such thing as too big.

Recent DNA testing confirms infidelity in Richard III’s lineage.

Burritos of the stars.

Check out these animal mosh pits.

Warren Beatty turns 78 today!

A man was rolling a joint on the NYC Subway when he fell asleep.

A barfing bride strives to overcome her vomiting phobia before the day of her nauseating nuptials.

The average American wedding now costs $31,000.

Edward Snowden held a secret virtual meeting at SXSW.

In local news, a man shot his ex-girlfriend because the neighbor’s dog told him to do it.

Eccentric millionaire Robert Durst accidentally confessed to three murders.

Isolation and loneliness can have serious effects on your noodle.

Ron Jeremy turns 62 today! Here he is paying homage to Miley Cyrus.

With the help of skilled drivers, a few dozen homosapiens on the West coast of North America transported small metal statuettes back to their lavish dwellings in elongated automobiles.

Why was Joan Rivers left out of the 'In Memorium' montage of The Oscars?

How do they pick the Oscar Winners?

11 students at Wesleyan were hospitalized after overdosing on MDMA, also known as 'Molly.'

A driver crashed into an electrical pole that knocked out the power to Tingley Coliseum right before the Monster Truck Jam. The intentional crashes of the spectacle were unaffected.

Why were these weird food patents unsuccessful?

The already questionable reputation of Downtown Albuquerque is being tarnished by late-night brawls.

Poor little spaceport.

If anyone knows what will destroy human civilization, it’s Stephen Hawking.

Are You More Like Jennifer Lawrence Or Emma Stone? Take the quiz!

Peter Fonda turns 75 today!

ISIS chopped more heads and threatened to conquer Rome for some reason.

Weaponized weather control is a possibility and a concern.

Party down at Studio 54.

Earth’s oldest living people share their secrets of longevity.

Don’t wear one of these gun t-shirts in Albuquerque, is my advice.

Scientists have discovered how to see through walls.

Who is box office champ of all SNL stars?

As the flick turns 30, here are 15 things you didn’t know about The Breakfast Club.

Interplanetary reality show set to launch: If you need me, I'll be on Mars.

Does the thought of having to live without Fido someday tear you apart inside? You can now custom order a stuffed animal that looks exactly like your pet.

Russian girls gone wild, and it's not pretty.

This pretty model bit it twice on the cat walk and kept on smiling. Happy Birthday, Agyness Deyn!

Wish you were here: Postcards from lands far, far away.

Boldly going where no man has gone before; every child’s favorite bibliophile turns 58 today. Live long and prosper, LeVar Burton!

Here's a clip of Jimmy Fallon as Jim Morrison, performing the theme song of Reading Rainbow.

Exculpating evidence suggests no criminal charges will be filed in the Bruce Jenner traffic fatality.

Kanye tried to interrupt Beck’s Grammy Award accpetance speech.

I am so tired of all the complaining.

Go, Riverdale.

What would you pay for Abe Lincolns hair?

Learn how to escape from a moving car.

When you microwave humans the brains are always cold in the middle.

Goodbye, Tent City.

A shoplifter was shot on Menaul.

Happy birthday, Brian Donlevy.

You're probably cleaning your vagina all wrong.

Your Samsung TV might be spying on you. No, seriously. It's listening.

It's a sad day for Chinese food and fast locomotives.

New England has run out of places to put snow.

Blood type and brain function: something else to worry about.

Ozzy Osbourne's bat karma has caught up to him.

Darth Vader's toilet is free on Craigslist in Albuquerque.

The Patriots won the Super Bowl.

The Super Bowl commercials were bland this year.

Bruce Jenner is transitioning into life as a woman.

A new dinosaur was discovered in China.

An Albuquerque toddler shot his parents with a handgun.

Here are the rules for buying food with love at McDonald’s.

Tablets and phones might damage toddlers’ brains.

Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow this morning.

Here are five things you didn’t know about Groundhog Day, the movie.

A ‘Power Rangers’ actor is accused of killing his roommate with a sword.

Our next alibi issue is our special love issue and will feature sex toy reviews by members of the alibi staff. In the meantime, here are a few sex toys you may want to stay away from.

Vladimir Putin has resumed the war in Ukraine.

Back in December, the Russian court banned the music and artwork of Cannibal Corpse.

You can see Cannibal Corpse in the land of the free tonight at the Sunshine theater, along with Behemoth, Aeon, and Tribulation.

If you hear voices in your head you should talk back to them.

A “Death Test” at hospitals would give elderly patients a choice.

Three pet ferrets chewed a baby’s face off.

A baby in Arizona was born without eyeballs.

Eddie Van Halen turns 60 today!

A serious blizzard is hitting the Northeastern part of the U.S.

Blizzard of Ozz is a seriously amazing album that came out in 1980. It marked the debut of Ozzy Osbourne's solo project, and featured the late, great Randy Rhoads on guitar.

Here's how to tie a neck tie 30 different ways.

Prehistoric Shark Alert!

Sarah Palin claims to be interested in running for President in 2016.

Here are 5 of Sarah Palin’s most insane and incoherent moments.

And the most dangerous sex position is:

Today is Blue Monday, the saddest day of the year.

It’s also MLK Day.

It’s also the last day of business for Blackbird Buvette.

The Seahawks will face the Patriots in Super Bowl XLIX.

Liberace’s hologram is going on tour.

Tiger Woods’ front tooth is missing.

The Jesus Bandit remains at large in Hawaii.

There was live sex on stage at a Dead Kennedys concert.

There’s no such species as a black panther.

”The X Files” is coming back to TV with Mulder and Scully.

Here’s what guitar strings do.

You’ll be surprised by some of these amazingly cheap movie props.

Deep-fried batteries are the future.

You remember things better with your eyes closed.

More knockouts at Knockouts.

A strange diamond-shaped object appeared in the sky above Albuquerque.

The Walmart shooter remains at large.

Happy birthday, Dolly Parton.