If you hear voices in your head you should talk back to them.

A “Death Test” at hospitals would give elderly patients a choice.

Three pet ferrets chewed a baby’s face off.

A baby in Arizona was born without eyeballs.

Eddie Van Halen turns 60 today!

A serious blizzard is hitting the Northeastern part of the U.S.

Blizzard of Ozz is a seriously amazing album that came out in 1980. It marked the debut of Ozzy Osbourne's solo project, and featured the late, great Randy Rhoads on guitar.

Here's how to tie a neck tie 30 different ways.

Prehistoric Shark Alert!

Sarah Palin claims to be interested in running for President in 2016.

Here are 5 of Sarah Palin’s most insane and incoherent moments.

And the most dangerous sex position is:

Today is Blue Monday, the saddest day of the year.

It’s also MLK Day.

It’s also the last day of business for Blackbird Buvette.

The Seahawks will face the Patriots in Super Bowl XLIX.

Liberace’s hologram is going on tour.

Tiger Woods’ front tooth is missing.

The Jesus Bandit remains at large in Hawaii.

There was live sex on stage at a Dead Kennedys concert.

There’s no such species as a black panther.

”The X Files” is coming back to TV with Mulder and Scully.

Here’s what guitar strings do.

You’ll be surprised by some of these amazingly cheap movie props.

Deep-fried batteries are the future.

You remember things better with your eyes closed.

More knockouts at Knockouts.

A strange diamond-shaped object appeared in the sky above Albuquerque.

The Walmart shooter remains at large.

Happy birthday, Dolly Parton.

Two APD officers will be charged with murder in the shooting death of James Boyd.

Here’s a list of last night’s Golden Globe winners.

Guys who post selfies are crazy.

A man with Broca’s aphasia can only say the word “tono,” which isn’t precisely even a word.

Gastrointestinal microbes may cause arthritis.

If you let me stare into your eyes for four minutes you’ll start getting lots of email from me.

A graduate of Los Alamos High School is the new president of Croatia.

Snow is coming to Albuquerque.

Happy birthday, Kreskin.

The wife of the Georgia Police Chief who accidentally shot her is in fair condition.

The star of ‘Real Housewives’ starts her 15 month prison term today.

In Brazil, a man drove three hours to the hospital with a knife stuck in his head.

Two stars of The Godfather have birthdays today. Diane Keaton turns 67 and Robert Duvall turns 84.

Here are seven strange things that arouse the female homosapien.

Sarah Palin continues to put her paw in her mouth.

In local news, this Chimayo resident’s ‘70s prom pic ended up on the front of a flask.

Meanwhile, Taos residences may have to resort to carrying flasks if this law is passed.

A tiny house was stolen.

It’s so cold in Minnesota exposed skin will get frostbite in ten minutes.

Prince Andrew’s sex scandal is making headlines.

Get ready for a bunch of Warhol exhibits.

Now worry about invisible bombs.

A hermaphroditic bird with unusual coloring has been spotted.

Another plane is missing.

Lizard Squad claims an assist in the Sony hack.

Viewers are weary of Reality TV.

Three lefts make a right for ants.

Cosby hired detectives to dig up dirt on his accusers.

How do hand warmers heat up?

What are Albuquerque’s busiest intersections?

Downtown’s ice skating rink is open and tiny.

Liam and Mia were the most popular baby names in NM this year.

The Year In Review Facebook App wasn't such a good idea.

John Oliver tells us why New Year’s Eve sucks.

A cyclist is sueing the city over a pothole.

In Northern Ireland, a man was beaten to death with his own guitar on Christmas Eve.

A woman in California was recently reunited with her hotrod: a Mustang that was stolen 28 years ago.

Caution: these quotes may inspire spontaneous creativity.

The Seattle Times has accidentally gone back in time.

Meanwhile, it’s time to think about the future... the far future.

Late rock drummer Colin Flooks, aka Cozy Powell, was born on this day in 1947. He played with the likes of Rainbow, Whitesnake, Black Sabbath, Jeff Beck. He would have been 67.

The President of Argentina is trying to curb werewolfism by adopting a seventh son and making him her Godson.

Iron Maiden's seventh album Seventh Son of a Seventh Son, touches heavily on the theme of the paranormal, and features the song “The Clairvoyant."

A Texas plumber's work truck ended up in the hands of ISIS, and he has no idea how.

Dr. Oz s a quack.

The best part of waking up is Kiss’ Paul Stanley in your cup.

A runaway bin lorry caused multiple fatalities in Glasgow.

A driver in France also mowed down several pedestrians in the town of Dijon.

In more uplifiting French news, research shows champagne bubbles may be cause for celebration.

The former singer of Creed lost his marbles a while back and has yet to regain them.

Pope Francis' Christmas speech to the Vatican Clergy was not all warm and fuzzy.

George W. the painter tries to get the nose right.

Review the year in bigfoot sightings.

Me hungover? You hungover.

Songbirds can sense tornadoes in time to get the heck away.

A South Valley rehab center is under Norovirus quarantine.

When you shoplift an axe you become and axe-wielding shoplifter.

Don’t hold your breath on that downtown ice-skating rink.

Happy birthday, Barbara Billingsley.

There was a gigantic fire in downtown Los Angeles.

“I hate mummies!”

Experts say a trend toward special orders threatens the delicate balance of speed and profitablity in the burger universe.

Happy deathday, John Lennon.

There is no shortage of red crabs.

Study up on the latest booze trend: American single malt whiskey.

The world’s largest truffle sold for $61k at auction.

Chlorine gas brought tragedy to the Midwest FurFest.

Has the mystery of the Tjipeter rubber blocks been solved?

Obama has acid reflux.

James Bond probes the Doily Danger Zone.

The Lizard Squad knocked the PlayStation network offline for hours just to be mean.

Slayer rescued a kitten.

As a beer city, Albuquerque ranks high.

Accusers think Kari Brandenburg inappropriately tried to protect her son from criminal charges.

A little girl died in a crash on Coors this morning.

Happy birthday, David Carradine.

The FBI says soldiers should get off social media.

Darren Wilson resigned from the Ferguson PD.

Slavery thrives in Great Britain and they’re not all Goreans.

Mickey Rourke’s boxing victory was rigged.

A long-lost masterpiece was found in the movie Stuart Little.

How many jokes-per-minute does your favorite sitcom average?

David Bowie hates “The Little Drummer Boy.”

Thanksgiving leftover sandwiches are a thing.

What’s your favorite Mondegreen?

The new Star Wars trailer is out.

The lights are up on Santa Fe plaza.

A Taos woman had a 1972 encounter with a man in a Cosby suit.

Mom ratted on Byron for murder.

Local sub shops were robbed and use only the freshest of ingredients.

Happy birthday, Charlene Tilton.

And now a word from our sponsors.

Marion Barry died.

An ex-NBC employee claims he stood guard at Cosby’s dressing room door.

Kohler unveils an odor-eliminating toilet seat.

A giant isopod stopped eating and died.

Kirk Cameron witnesses to homosexuals.

Venice is going to ban wheeled suitcases. They’re noisy.

Kean University bought a $219k conference table from China.

There are rules for dating Miley Cyrus.

Lee Harvey Oswald died on this day in 1963.

Winnie the Hermaphrodite.

There was a fatal crash at 4th and Montano this morning.

Happy birthday, Denise Crosby.

Leave it to Web MD to take the fun out of kissing.

The international movement to legalize assisted suicide has pissed off the Pope.

The Hollywood Film Awards get interesting with the help of Johnny Depp and Kristen Stewart.

Here's what 200 calories looks like.

Facebook is making a Facebook for your job in addition to the current one for bitching about your job.

There's a town for people who can't remember.

The president of Turkey contends Muslims discovered America.

An old-timey lady did your bike tricks first.

The Poop Boat: exciting and new.

You may want to think twice before taking that elephant ride on your next vacation.

Miss Honduras has gone missing just days before the Miss World pageant.

If you’re up late, don’t forget to bundle up and check out tonight’s meteor shower.

Thanks for the links, Geoff Plant and Sarah Bonneau!