There are several relatively lucrative ways to sell your body without ending up handcuffed in the back of a patrol car at one o'clock in the morning, screaming for your mama. Even if you've got no education and no marketable skills, you can still make a few bucks here and there by selling yourself—all perfectly legal, I assure you.
Alibi fast-food critic Nick Brown knows a thing or two about survival. A member of the highly secretive Green Chile Militia for the past 19 years, he spends three weeks every summer training with fellow survivalists deep in the Gila Wilderness near Silver City.
Why do they call it the Duke City?
I'm walking up Central at 5 p.m. against a cold wind. It's January, and dusk is quickly turning into night as I stride east, mall walker-style, toward my evening class at UNM. Only a block into the journey at Central and High Street, a man yells at me from a large, moving truck. I don't catch the particular crass flattery, but do get an earful of "Wooooo!" A loud honk follows and the vehicle speeds away. Humiliated and angry, I want gestured and spoken obscenities to flow forth and assault these degenerates, but for fear of retribution all I can do is seethe. As I continue walking—under I-25, past Presbyterian, by abandoned and defiled storefronts, passing hooker upon drug-addled hooker—I can now only see the city's ugliness and despair. Along the way I am heckled three more times.
The floodwaters are rising, the earth is quaking, zombies are breaking down your back door and you have a house full of dinner guests (of the living kind). Your first instinct may be to pop open a can of Dinty Moore, but you can do better than that. The key to surviving extreme circumstances is to not give up. Do not give up hope, and do not give up your basic human need for fine foods.
So you’re stuck in the wilderness with five of your closest buddies. You've run out of food and rescue is beginning to look unlikely. Though no one has brought it up, you’re all wondering who is going to be eaten first.
Thousands of people say they were abducted by aliens, and you might be worried you’ll be next. If you suddenly find yourself floating out your bedroom window toward a mother ship hovering somewhere over the South Valley, take the following steps. You should memorize this list; if you keep it by your bedside table, you will likely be paralyzed and unable to reach for it—or your glasses—as you are tractor-beamed toward the ET visitors.
Who knows what you should and shouldn't do in college? Not us, really. Plus, you probably won't listen to anyone, you animal. We're tired. We're world-worn. We've got bags under our eyes. Maybe that qualifies us as advice-givers after all. Humor us.
Sure, some majors are likely to land you more money than others, but have you really considered all the pros and cons? Read our guide carefully before you commit to a course of study.
Like the increasingly popular vegan versions of Thai food that are popping up around town, sushi is starting to catch the Tofurky Syndrome. This is what I call the attempt to make animal-product-like food out of animal-product-free ingredients—Tofurky being, essentially, tofu in the shape, color, and arguably flavor and texture of turkey. In the Thai restaurants that go vegan, this translates into a colorful assortment of protein pretenders that you can’t help but be impressed by, even if you think it’s a bit silly.
State PAC contributions show deep partisan fissures
Mexican peace movement crosses the border
“Here Comes Honey Boo Boo” on TLC
Looking around, there are plenty of bellwethers for The End of Civilization as We Know It. For you, it may be global climate change. Or gay marriage. Or the end of the Mayan calendar. Whatever floats your boat, people. If I were to pick my poison, I’d have to say the unending tidal wave of reality television shows is a cultural death rattle of Doomsday proportions. Galloping high and proud as the lead Horseman of that particular Apocalypse is TLC’s new series “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo.”
The Albuquerque Film Festival returns for another try this weekend. The fourth annual fest will take place Thursday, Aug. 16, through Sunday, Aug. 19, at KiMo Theatre. The theme this year is “Aliens & Outlaws.” Organizers have curtailed some of the more local and independent films to make room for well-known sci-fi films like E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial, Heavy Metal, Donnie Darko, Mad Max, The Goonies and Repo Man (most of which have been featured at Alibi Midnight Movie Madness screenings). There are a handful of local productions worth checking out, though. Thursday at 5:40 p.m., there will be a selection of New Mexico-made shorts: “The Rebound,” “20 Ways,” “Placed” and “The Man-App.” Friday at 4 p.m., we get Milagro Man: The Irrepressible Multicultural Life and Literary Times of John Nichols. The celebrated New Mexico author (The Milagro Beanfield War, The Wizard of Loneliness) is scheduled to be in attendance for a post-film book signing. Friday at 7 p.m., there’s a world premiere for Home Sweet Home, a micro-budgeted horror thriller shot in Alamogordo. On Sunday at 10 a.m., the festival will be screening the local web series “Flock,” about a Bible school con-man. This year’s Dennis Lee Hopper Lifetime Achievement Award winner is cult filmmaker Alex Cox. If you missed your chance to see him last year at Guild Cinema, he’s back introducing his films Repo Man and Walker in a Saturday double feature starting at 9 p.m. The festival closes out on Sunday night at 9 p.m. with the local premiere of the Japanese drama New World, which is being distributed by Santa Fe’s own Tidepoint Pictures.
The Week in Sloth
King Tuff is the alias and band of Brattleboro, Vt. native and L.A. resident Kyle Thomas. His music varies from mellow psychedelia to blazing power pop. Imbued with Mr. Tuff’s righteous guitar parts, every bit of it is worthy of earnest Bic salutations or fully engaged fist pumps. You can see King Tuff play live on Monday at the Launchpad with similarly amazing L.A. band Audacity. In the meantime, eavesdrop on the telephone conversation King Tuff and I had about jock jams and the magic of music. And I totally was not the stoned one.
An international symposium and its underground offshoot
Mother Road opens doors to the public in advance of its September production
Taps flowed, pizza was passed around and old friends joked together in the basement of JC’s NYPD pizzeria. As the cast and crew of Mother Road Theatre Company’s upcoming production of The Killer Angels gathered for its first rehearsal, the air hummed. I felt that familiar flutter as the first page of the script turned. Here we go! I thought to myself. This is the best part—the part where the magic of making a play all begins.
Jessica Kostelnick’s installation plays house at The Tan
Chasing the big-money phantoms in New Mexico
With the rise of the super PAC, so too have emerged watchdog groups that track spending, donors, leaders and beneficiaries. We found OpenSecrets enormously helpful in compiling this list of the big-money political groups today. But that ranking of who’s on top will shift dramatically in the coming weeks, so it’s best to keep a close eye on roster. ProPublica’s PAC track tool is also useful and easy to parse.
1) How did an inmate get out of the BernCo jail early?
How Sears, Roebuck & Co. midwifed the birth of the blues
This typeface is not absurdly tough, yet its pointiness and near-illegibility lends a special aura of mystery that suggests magic, action and adventure. Find those things on Friday, Aug. 10, at the Launchpad (618 Central SW). Tenderizor, Glitter Dick, Contortionist and Drought conjure rainbows in the dark (and the like) beginning at 9:30 p.m. Admission is 21-and-over and $5. (JCC)
An interview with directors Jonathan Dayton and Valerie Faris
Six years ago, music video superstars Jonathan Dayton and Valerie Faris took a break from making clips for Red Hot Chili Peppers, The Smashing Pumpkins and R.E.M. to direct their first feature film. That indie dramedy, titled Little Miss Sunshine, went on to gross more than $100 million at the box office and locked down four Academy Award nominations.
Top 10 things I’ve learned while watching the 2012 Summer Olympics
The Olympics are designed to instill in participants—and by extension, viewers—the principles of cooperation, team spirit, individual merit, sportsmanship, strength, bravery, tenacity, skill and international brotherhood. Most of what I absorbed from watching this year’s competition, however, involved the number of free condoms issued in Olympic Village (150,000!) and the mistaken belief that eating mass quantities of McDonald’s food will make you a great athlete. So, with the games coming to a close this weekend, I look back on all the things I learned from the XXX Summer Olympics.
The seven-film retrospective tribute to Akira Kurosawa comes to an end this Thursday night at KiMo Theatre with the master’s final period drama, 1985’s Ran. The film is an epic, majestic retelling of Shakespeare’s King Lear saga set in feudal Japan. It certainly demands to be seen on the big screen and is a great film to close out the series on. The screening will take place on Aug. 9 at 7 p.m. Tickets are $5 to $7.
The Week in Sloth
Aliens dig Earth music in Rob Reid’s Year Zero
At first glance, painter Melissa Morgan's Enter Anthropocene embraces an ethereal, flower-childlike bond between humans and nature. But that's where Cassidy Watt—owner of Metallo Gallery (2863 Hwy. 14, Madrid)—says Morgan shows her sleight of hand for subtle metaphor. "There is a celebration in the paintings because they're very beautiful and pretty," says Watt, "but I think there's also a warning there."
The art and science of fermentation
At a Korean superstore in Las Vegas, I watched an employee whose sole job, it seemed, was organizing a vast array of kimchee. Her domain consisted of thousands of plastic tubs of fermented fish and vegetables in various combinations, usually spicy. She darted about the immense display cases and scrutinized the tubs' arrangement, rearranging their contents like beads on a giant abacus.
The first time I drove through Las Vegas, I had no idea what lay hidden beyond the freeway exits. I remember a Chinese restaurant along the main gas/food drag, and any number of New Mexican restaurants and familiar fast foods. But I’ve since embarked down the side streets to get a closer look at what was once a boomtown. It’s a nice outing just 125 miles from Burque, through verdant hills and open grasslands.
Scientific progress goes boink in scary-smart documentary
Surviving Progress is a heavy-duty think piece of a documentary based on Ronald Wright’s best seller A Short History of Progress. Co-directed and co-written by Mathieu Roy (François Girard en Trois Actes) and Harold Crooks (The Corporation), the film tries to tackle some giant-sized issues regarding humanity, progress and the very future integrity of our civilization.
Guns, drug cartels, federal agents and the apocalypse collide in a Deming firearms store
It was an overcast winter day when Mexican President Felipe Calderón stood at the main international crossing in Ciudad Juárez and unveiled a massive sign aimed at the U.S. side of the border. It made for a dramatic photo opportunity. A white sheet billowed behind billboard-sized letters fashioned from the twisted remains of guns that Calderón said were confiscated by law enforcement. They spelled out the words “No More Weapons.”
“Anger Management” on FX
It came as no surprise to learn that, mere weeks after getting fired from the top-rated “Two and a Half Men” for his easily demonstrable bad behavior, Charlie Sheen landed another sitcom at a rival network. If there’s one thing today’s pop cultural landscape rewards, time and again, it’s bad behavior. Another thing that it rewards: mediocrity.
Our neighbors to the south in El Paso are once again firing up the projectors at the historic Plaza Theatre for the Plaza Classic Film Festival. This year’s fifth annual fest takes place Aug. 2 through 12 and will feature a bevy of modern and classic Hollywood films. Organizers have really bumped up the star power this year as well. The guest of honor is no less than Al Pacino! The Oscar-winning actor will participate in a one-night-only Q & A detailing his illustrious career. The event will take place on Saturday, Aug. 4, at 7:30 p.m. Tickets are $65 to $125. Other fantastic guests include Mary Badham (To Kill a Mockingbird), Eva Marie Saint (North By Northwest, On the Waterfront) and Tippi Hedren (The Birds, Marnie). Among the individual films being screened are 1958’s A Night To Remember, 1951’s An American in Paris, 1998’s The Big Lebowski, 1942’s Casablanca, 2001’s Donnie Darko, 1933’s Duck Soup, 1982’s E.T. The Extraterrestrial, 1966’s The Endless Summer, 1954’s Godzilla, 1994’s Pulp Fiction and 1973’s The Sting. Believe me when I say there’s something for everyone here. The festival is even hosting the “re-premiere” of a newly restored print of 1966’s infamous Z-grade horror flick Manos, The Hands of Fate (which was shot in El Paso). The list of films is simply enormous. Check it out the lineup for yourself. Individual tickets are up for grabs at the box office and all-fest passes are available. Special hotel rates can be found next door at the Camino Real Hotel, if you wanna make a weekend out of it.
The Week in Sloth
The 23 year-old Chicharroneria Orozco has for years inhabited a drafty adobe on Isleta. But this summer it set up shop in new digs on the north side of Bridge, just west of the river, in the same building that the underwhelming Siete Mares used to occupy.
A perfect storm of bounty
The Albuquerque Northeast Farmers' & Artisans' Market is nearing the halfway mark on its third season. You'll find it across Wyoming from Whole Foods on the Albuquerque Academy campus on Tuesday afternoons from 3 to 7 p.m. The vendors sell a balance of raw produce, meat and prepared food options, as well as gourmet dog food, pottery, skin care products, baby clothes, and other folksy crafts.
Making sense of last year's run on the banks
The Roost perches at the Outpost for its fourth season
Hydrophonium: a tuned jar of water fitted with a submerged microphone. Described by its inventor, Danishta Rivero of Voicehandler, as an “electroacoustic percussion instrument,” this unusual device can be played in a number of ways. For example, it can be struck with a mallet, or bubbles can be blown into it through a straw. The resultant sounds are then processed through a variety of electronic effects.
I don’t know what homicidal 1989 comedy Weekend at Bernie’s has to do with rock bands Call It Art, Rebilt, My Heart The Hero, Parachute Picnic or Sweet Weapons. Hopefully only this flyer. See them play at the Launchpad (618 Central SW) on Saturday, Aug. 4, starting at 9 p.m. The 21-and-up show is $5. (JCC)