Confession: I’ve never read a David Sedaris book. But a lot of people love the guy, and so the good folks down at The Cell Theatre (700 First Street NW) are putting on The Santaland Diaries, based on the writings of Sedaris. The play documents the wacky, true adventures of Crumpet the Elf, the character Sedaris played while working at a Christmas display inside Macy’s, apparently a menial job he held before becoming a pre-eminent humor writer. Sometimes I’m glad I was just an alcoholic before becoming a professional writer. The production runs Dec. 2 through 19, Thursday through Saturday at 8 p.m.; Sunday shows at 2 and 8 p.m. Tickets are $20, $15 for students and seniors. The 2 p.m. show on Dec. 5 is pay-what-you-wish.