Stop it! You're freaking me out!

No offense to Bob Marley, but if you don't worry about a thing, if you really think every little thing's going to be all right, then you're smoking something a lot stronger than plain old Mary Jane. The world's a scary place, and it's getting scarier with each passing month. Sure, we've put Halloween, Dia de los Muertos and a creepy city election behind us, but we here at the Alibi sincerely believe the worst is yet to come.

Spin your way to a worry-filled day

With so much worrisome activity in the world today, it's getting harder and harder to determine what's merely a source of concern and what's really worth worrying about. Stop waffling over your worries: Let the Alibi Worry Wheel take all the guesswork out of fretting. From the apocalypse to pinkeye, we've got 32 of your favorite neurotic obsessions in one convenient little spinner. Keep one at home, in the car and at the office—you'll never be far from something to worry about!

Arachibutyrophobia—fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth
Dishabiliophobia—fear of undressing in front of someone
Medomalacuphobia—fear of losing an erection
Papaphobia—fear of the Pope
Politicophobia—fear of politicians
Anablephobia—fear of looking up
Anuptaphobia—fear of staying single
Autodysomophobia—fear of one that has a vile odor
Coulrophobia—fear of clowns
Eremophobia—fear of being oneself
Euphobia—fear of hearing good news
Hellenologophobia—fear of Greek terms or complex scientific terminology
Metrophobia—fear of poetry
Optophobia—fear of opening your eyes
Phagophobia—fear of being eaten
Phalacrophobia—fear of becoming bald
Pteronophobia—fear of being tickled by feathers
Soceraphobia—fear of parents-in-law
Source: phobialist.com

Creepy, crawly, creepy, crawly, creepy, creepy, crawly, crawly, creepy, creepy, crawly, crawly

No matter how many times someone reassuringly tells you, "most insects aren't poisonous," or "they're more scared of you than you are of them," their advice doesn't seem to resonate whenever a bug of some sort crawls up your leg, flies into your mouth or is located anywhere near your general vicinity. The truth is, you have good reason to be terrified of bugs.

Let's do the Hypochondriac Shuffle, shall we?

Necrotizing Fasciitis—This disease, which involves a type of flesh-eating bacteria, can affect many parts of the body but usually is found in the extremities. It's characterized by, among other things, unexplained fever, inflammation of the infected area and raised lesions filled with purple or blue fluid. Early detection is key because the disease can spread very easily to other parts of the body. Still, it's probably not a good idea to rush to the hospital every time you have an unexplained fever or a rash. But may we suggest instead gouging away any suspicious-looking flesh with a pocketknife or other sharp object?

A few of our favorite conspiracy websites

www.conspiracyplanet.com
Features conspiracy topics regarding 9/11, anthrax, genetic engineering and much, much more.

www.bvalphaserver.com
Includes articles on UFOs, cloning, chemical weapons and more.

www.theinsider.org
Conspiracies from the past and present, including our government's current hidden agenda and Christopher Columbus' web of lies.

www.freemasonrywatch.org
Conspiracies related to the Free Masons.

www.conspiracyarchive.com
Articles on World War II and United Nations hoaxes as well as a section dedicated to microchips implanted in people's brains.

www.batesmotel.8m.com
A site entirely dedicated to proving that we never landed on the moon.

www.mcadams.posc.mu.edu/sites.htm
Discusses the various theories about who really shot JFK.

www.museumofhoaxes.com
Features a forum where conspiracy theorists can chat about whatever is on their mind. No topic is too out-there or farfetched.

www.topsitelists.com/bestsites/conspire/
A ranking of over 20 conspiracy sites. (Scroll down.)

For all you know, your identity has already been stolen

It happened to Sandra Bullock in 1995's classic action thriller, The Net, so why can't it happen to you? Think your boring life can't erode into a murderous web of lies, accented with spontaneous explosions, perpetrated by some conniving thief? Think again.

Alibi staff members reveal their deepest, darkest fears—online at alibi.com