Hey, egghead, have we got a treat for you. If you can complete these 20 questions correctly and turn them in sooner than anyone else along with a completed angry monkey puzzle (see facing page), you will be rewarded with a jaw-dropping jackpot of fabulous prizes, including a $15 gift certificate to Bookworks, a "mystery" gift certificate to Mecca Records, a whopping $100 gift certificate to the District, a box of Belgian chocolates from Wild Oats, an Alibi T-shirt, and last but certainly not least, an official Alibi flyswatter that will make you the envy of all your fellow eggheads.

Is your name Linthor, the High Unicorn of the Known Seven Realms of Strandall?

Is there only one of you?

Are you a horse, but gay?

Are you pure and good?

Do you have a mane of snowy white with lavender highlights?

Yes! But maybe no.

Do you game?

If you do game, do you have a Level 60 Night Elf Mage?

Are sweats your "uniform”?

Do you juggle or practice magic?

Do you Do the Dew?

Do you believe in fairies or unicorns?

Do you answer to a self-given nickname like Vinnie the Torch?

The entire staff of the Alibi took the following quiz, and to our dismay the answer is yes—yes, we are all going to hell. I, for one, don't care. It's going to be a party down there complete with delicious pelican meat.

Choose the answer that most closely applies to your guy.

1. You met him _______.
a.) in your dreams
b.) while on a bender
c.) on a dark and stormy night

2. When you go out on dates _______.
a.) his teeth sparkle and his ponytail gleams
b.) it's always slightly uncomfortable
c.) chicken fries are usually involved

3. He spends his free time _______.
a.) getting kittens out of trees
b.) working on his look
c.) kicking around the hack

4. Bedtime is the right time for _______.
a.) magic and tenderness
b.) moderate satisfaction
c.) reluctance

5. If he were an art movement he'd be ______.
a.) neoclassical; noble and tasteful
b.) impressionism; widely reproduced
c.) claymation; not even an art movement

6. His main form of transportation is ______.
a.) his pet pegasus
b.) a dune buggy
c.) your car

7. If he were an animal he'd be ______.
a.) a ferocious lion with a heart of gold
b.) a kitty cat
c.) dead, inedible chicken fries

8. His future plans include ______.
a.) mastering human flight
b.) rocking
c.) Steel Reserve

9. He plans to accrue wealth through ______.
a.) his breakthrough concepts on human existence
b.) rocking
c.) winning big on scratchers

10. Your relationship will be history when ______.
a.) he meets the long sleep of death
b.) like clear Pepsi, his charms fizzle out
c.) a blonde stripper named Krystal comes into the picture