Week in Sloth

Thursday 5

“Broke & Famous” (VH1 8 p.m.) VH1’s new docu-series examines people who fit the two titular categories but somehow still haven’t managed to land a dating show on VH1. I know, weird. On tonight’s series premiere, we get Willie Aames. Hard to believe Scott Baio’s wingman in both Zapped! and “Charles in Charge” is broke. Don’t feel too bad for him, though. He did get naked with Phoebe Cates in 1982’s Blue Lagoon rip-off Paradise. That’s gotta count for something.

Friday 6

“Ancients Behaving Badly” (History 7 p.m.) This new “history gone wild” series starts with Caligula—who’s a pretty hard act to follow, in the bad behavior category.

“Platinum Babies” (WE 10 p.m.) From the makers of “Platinum Weddings” comes this look at the pampered lives of fabulously wealthy moms-to-be and stinking-rich babies. Aren’t babies so much cuter when they’re spitting up on D&G?

Saturday 7

“Strikeforce: Fedor vs. Rogers” (KRQE-13 8 p.m.) Because “Giant Eastern European Dudes Beating One Another MMA-Style” wouldn’t make as good a video game title.

“The Wanda Sykes Show” (KASA-2 10 p.m.) While I can’t wholeheartedly endorse TV’s new policy of giving everyone their own talk show, I am intrigued by Wanda Sykes’ chatty debut—mostly because she’s actually funny, but also because she’ll be one of the only black lesbian talk show hosts on TV. ... Besides Oprah, I mean. (Oops, I’ve said too much.)

Sunday 8

“Family Guy Presents: Seth & Alex’s Almost Live Comedy Show” (KASA-2 7:30 p.m.) “Family Guy” creator Seth MacFarlane goes power-mad and hosts a variety show filled with musical numbers, sketch comedy and celebrity guests.

“2012 Apocalypse” (Discovery 7 p.m.) Wait. Are you talking about the Roland Emmerich movie or the allegedly world-ending calendar year? Because I’m telling you right now, the movie’s gonna be the harder of the two to endure.

“2012: Startling New Secrets” (SyFy 7 p.m.) Don’t make me repeat myself, TV.

“Keeping Up With the Kardashians: The Wedding” (E! 9 p.m.) Ooh, I haven’t been this excited for a reality show publicity stunt / holy matrimony since Spencer and Heidi inked their corporate merger.

“Kidnapped for 18 Years: The Jaycee Lee Dugard Story” (TLC 7 p.m.) Yeah, that didn’t take long.

Monday 9

“Jesse James’ Hidden Gold” (History 7 p.m.) First time I’ve heard of it. But I’m all ears.

Tuesday 10

“James May on the Moon” (BBC America 9 p.m.) You know, the host of “Top Gear.” And he’s not actually on the moon. Just talking about it excitedly.

“In the Spotlight with Robin Roberts: Bright Lights. Big Stars. All Access Nashville.” (KOAT-7 9 p.m.) Jesus, Robin, pick a title that’s shorter than the show next time.

“Full Throttle Saloon” (truTV 8 p.m.) A reality show. About a biker bar. In Sturgis, S.D. During the annual Sturgis Motorcycle Rally. ’Nuff said.

Wednesday 11

“Ghost Hunters Academy” (SyFy 8 p.m.) Dear God. They’re reproducing!