My day of victory has finally come. It took two-and-a-half years on staff at the Alibi to get to this moment. After vigorous battles—both mental and physical—with many opponents, I stand triumphant to claim my prize: a section dedicated to the martial arts.
It was simple once Steven Robert Allen was out of the way. My fierce Tang Soo Do skills pitted against his Tai Chi-flailing for an easy coast to dominance. He may claim to have left by choice, taking a job where his law degree would be of some use, but it's a lie. He was really afraid of my thunderous round kick, which is known throughout the office to cause mass destruction. Don't tell Cheney.
Do not mourn the Arts Section; it had a good life and was given a proper burial. It was just time for the stronger art form to take over with fists of fury. Rest assured this is best for us all. Rest in pieces, Art Section. Rest in pieces.
Three local theaters are opening performances this weekend and all of them appeal to this battle-loving heart. I give you the Trifecta:
On Thursday, March 27, the Mother Road Theatre Company opens its debut production of its first season, The Odyssey. Based on Homer's Odyssey, there is a clear correlation with martial life as Odysseus, the main character, is a warrior on a journey home. Odysseus' “react, don't act” disposition coupled with the anger of the gods makes for a deadly good time. The Odyssey runs at The Filling Station (1024 Fourth Street SW, 873-4831) every Thursday through Saturday at 8 p.m. and Sunday at 2 p.m. through April 20. Tickets are $20 general, $15 students and seniors.
Q-Staff Theatre (4819 Central NE, 255-2182) reopens its doors on Thursday, March 27, after some remodeling and an expansion to present Snake Oil for the Lovelorn. The space Q-Staff took over used to be a Capoeira school so it seemed right to mention its rebirth in honor of the students who formerly trained within its walls. Snake Oil for the Lovelorn runs Thursdays through Saturdays at 8 p.m. and Sundays at 7 p.m. through April 5. Tickets are $12 general, $9 student and seniors.
Master of oddity Vortex Theatre (2004 1/2 Central SE, 247-8600) presents King Lear, opening on Friday, March 28. King Lear may not be as bloody as Hamlet, but there are plenty of delusional ravings, which are nearly as good. King Lear runs Friday and Saturday at 8 p.m. and Sunday at 6 p.m. Tickets are $12 general admission.