Safeguarding Feminine Daintiness

Oh! He doesn’t love me anymore! Where’s my drinkin’ Lysol?
Oh! He doesn’t love me anymore! Where’s my drinkin’ Lysol?

WARNING: This is totally cringe-worthy

Freaky old Lysol used to suggest women douche with the stuff. You know, because “it provides a perfect protection against infection and its gentle deodorant qualities are a safeguard of feminine daintiness.” Accordingly, it was also used as a birth control method to kill sperm after intercourse by, well, you know ...

I’m trying to avoid the word “scalding” here, because this thing is so horridly vivid on its own, but imagine ...

You probably can’t read it here, but this ad says:

Q: Why does she spend the evenings alone?

A: Because she keeps her home immaculate, looks as pretty as she can and really loves her husband, BUT she neglects that one essential ... personal feminine hygiene.

Q: Is Lysol safe and gentle as well as extra effective?

A: Yes, the proved germicidal efficiency of Lysol requires only a small quantity in a proper solution to destroy germs and odors, give a fresh, clean wholesome feeling, restoring every woman’s confidence in her power to please.

Um, so if my ladybits are melting away, I’ll be a more pleasing partner? Poor women of the ‘20s and ‘30s. Imagine spraying this stuff around and then getting it on. Shudder, shudder, shudder. Now please think of something more pleasant. Unicorns for example. Or something less phalic.

Or, check out more fascinating Lysol ads here.