A New Gum. A New Day.

Act One, Scene One

No worries. I’m sure there’s a gum retro phase somewhere in our future.
No worries. I’m sure there’s a gum retro phase somewhere in our future.

A siren goes off somewhere in the deep dark halls of Wrigley's ad department. It hasn't been heard for years. Lights flash. A flurry or activity follows.

"Dammit, Jack, I didn't know I would live to see the day."

"Indeed, the time has cometh."

Enter the choir.

Bold.Stark.Gum.
Bold.

Stark.

Gum.

"It's time. It's time. It's tiiiiiiiiiiiime."

Jazz hands.

A pause.

Ad-Man jack turns to the camera, his hair tousled. "For ... The Repackaging," he half whispers.

Yes, the good people at Wrigley's, with the aid of only a few backup dancers, have unveiled a dramatic new look and name for their gum. It's called 5. It's flash. It's black. It's now. Or, at least it looks like what we thought stuff would look like in the 21st Century back in the '80s.

The cinnamon flavor is called "Flare," and there's a flame on the cover. It tastes a little bit different than the old stuff, though the distinction is so subtle, I'd have a hard time explaining it to you. It's not quite as hot, though it does seem to sustain its flavor a bit longer.

The spearmint flavor is exactly the same, in spite of the fact that it's called "Rain." A similar assessment can be made of "Cobalt," a simple peppermint. The little brightly colored foils, at least, are exciting. And I do like old-fashioned sticks of gun without the candy shell or weird gel in the middle.

From the news release (probably written by Ad-man Jack): "5 is the latest addition to the well-known Wrigley gum dynasty and is the company's first sugar-free stick gum introduction since Extra launched more than 20 years ago."

You hear that? It's a gum dynasty.

Enter the kickline and horn section.

"That's ....

the ...

REPACKAGIIIIIIIIIIING."