Meet the Alibi Staff: Bobby Zeal

Life Coach

Bobby enjoys the freedom of movement only spandex can provide
Bobby enjoys the freedom of movement only spandex can provide

We all feel down in the dumps on occasion, and that's not good for business. So when the blues hit the Alibi staff, Bobby Zeal perks us right up.

Because of his profoundly unpleasant body odor, Bobby is sometimes avoided like the plague at our offices. Still, if you can manage to take shallow breaths while in the vicinity of his armpits (or "stench holes" as he calls them) Bobby can shove some wisdom into even the thickest of skulls.

"If you're familiar with Chris Farley's 'I live in a van down by the river' character on Saturday Night Live, that's kind of what I'm going for," Bobby says. "I scream, I rant, I have short legs and a husky frame. I do all the things that made that character both humorous and helpful."

One employee recalls Bobby's words of encouragement after a tough day at work. "He just kept yelling and getting his spit on me," she says. "My face felt like a washcloth by the time he was finished, but I think I really learned something."

Bobby likes to build people up by tearing himself down. Using a laundry list of his own personal problems, Bobby makes any catastrophe seem trivial. "He's going through a lot," the staff member asserts. "The rash on his back that's slowly creeping across his entire body is enough to make you realize things could be worse. And don't get me started on his stench holes."