I Am Mr. Daniel Howard

The whole story falls apart and he basically just asks if he can steal your identity. Never mind that other shit.

John Cleese as Mr. Daniel Howard
John Cleese as Mr. Daniel Howard

I am Mr. Daniel Howard, an Accountant with Lloyds Trust Bank Plc, I am the personal Account Manager to Mr. Terry Collings. (BULLSHIT)

On the 21st of April 2004, Mr. Terry Collings (Herein after shall be referred to as my client), (BULLSHIT) his wife and their three children were involved in a car accident in London (BULLSHIT: NO SUCH PEOPLE, NO SUCH ACCIDENT).Unfortunately they all lost their lives in the event of the accident (YES, HOW UNFORTUNATE), since then I have made several enquiries to locate any of my client's extended relative, this has also proved unsuccessful. (YES, I’M SURE)

After these several Unsuccessful attempts, I decided to trace his relatives over the Internet, to locate any member of His family but of no avail, hence I contacted you to stand as his next of kin.(YES, THAT MAKES PERFECT SENSE)

I contacted you to assist in repatriating the money in addition, property left behind by my client before they get Confiscated or declared unserviceable by the bank where this huge deposits were lodged. (RE...PATRIATING... WHAT?) Particularly, Lloyds Trust BankPlc, where the deceased had an account valued at about 10 million Great British Pounds. Consequently, the bank issued me a notice to provide the Next of Kin or have the account confiscated within the next twenty official working days. (WHAT? YOU’RE LOSING ME)

Since I have been unsuccessful in locating the relatives for over 2 years (WEEKS? YEARS? WHAT?) now I seek your consent to present you as the next of kin of the deceased based on the fact that you are a foreigner (THAT MAKES NO SENSE, DOES IT?) so that the proceeds of this account valued at about 10 million Great British Pounds can be paid to you and then you and I can share the money. (YOU TOTALLY LOST ME) 50% to me and 40% to you, while 10% should be for expenses or tax as your government may require. An attorney will be contracted to help revalidated and notarize all the necessary legal documents that can be used to back up any claim we make. All I require is your honest cooperation to enable us sees this deal through. (YOUR WRITING IS GOING TO SHIT, MR. HOWARD) I guarantee that this will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law, you can reach me on my personal email address.

To Enable us discuss further I would like you to send me the following information so I can open up a next of kin file on your behalf here in the bank.

1. Name in full:

2. Address:

3. Nationality:

4. Age/Sex:

5. Occupation:

6. Direct Phone number:

Best regards, Mr. Daniel Howard

(BULLSHIT)