Nacho Cheezier

But not really

Not spicy. Not sweet. Not even pink, really.
Not spicy. Not sweet. Not even pink, really.

I am in no way qualified to review real food. I do, however, consider myself and junk-food connoisseur. The stranger the better. I venture into chemical, salt-laden flavor combinations others cringe at. Have you ever eaten chicken-flavored potato chips?

Really, Doritos? You ripped off this?
Really, Doritos? You ripped off this?

Still, I am not as skilled as our fabled Jennifer Wohletz, who began the snack attack blog on a fateful day in May 2006. But in her honor, I bring you a review of:

Doritos Spicy Sweet Chili.

Success! Even though I don’t really approve of “Collissions” as a name clearly intended to add excitement in a maneuver of outdated “Gen X” advertising.
Success! Even though I don’t really approve of “Collissions” as a name clearly intended to add excitement in a maneuver of outdated “Gen X” advertising.

First of all, they’re an abomination. Kind of vinegary. I bought a bag, ate three and threw it in the trash. And though they’re heralding the flavor as something totally groundbreaking and unusual, I think the chips taste suspiciously like Pringles Select Szechuan Barbecue. Also pretty gross.

However, I really liked Doritos Collisions, a lovely, crinkly bag that wielded two kinds of Doritos. Mine cradled Zesty Taco and Chipotle Ranch.

Still, I’m curious about why Frito Lay would bother experimenting with all these flavors. When people think Doritos, they think Cheezier or Ranch. And you’re never going to have a hit like Ranch twice in a lifetime.