I Wish I Could Vomit Whenever I Wanted

It would be excellent if I could vomit whenever I wanted. I’d vomit on my steering wheel while driving; I’d vomit on people instead of saying hello. I wish I could control the color and smell of my vomit, too.

I wish I had the power to smell really bad or really good whenever I wanted. I would get close to people and smell really bad. Then when they choked and gagged I’d ask them what the problem was, while immediately making myself smell really good. And they’d say “oh, nothing, nothing,” while trying to sniff me. Then I’d make myself smell really bad again.

I wish I could see through my eyelids. That would really bug people because they’d ask why I had my eyes closed and I’d tell them “they’re not.”

I wish I could create any flavor I wanted in my mouth. Fried chicken. Snickers Bar. You name it. Then I’d just sit around and tell people about all the flavors I was tasting. It would be a little like coming back from a music festival and telling everyone about the bands I listened to. “Yes, well, I’m glad you’re tasting a Snickers Bar. Yes, I have tasted them and they are very good.”

I wish I could make my ears grow as big as paper plates just in the corner of your eye, then shrink them back to normal as soon as you looked straight at me.

What if you could taste with your fingertips? “I don’t know what tastes worse: these gloves or that shovel handle.”

Here’s one you can try yourself. Take off your shoe and your sock and run your finger between your toes. Now smell your finger. It doesn’t smell very good, does it?

The End.