alibi online
Free Will AstrologyAlibi's Personals

The Suffering of Redheads

A lifetime of misery awaits
A lifetime of misery awaits

It’s hard to be a redhead. Unless you grew up in Scotland or a creepy enclave outside of Boston where the denizens are translucent-skinned and skulk about in the shadows, you were ostracized, made fun of, beaten as if you were a stepchild. And let’s face it; redheads grow up to either be attractive or freaky looking. For women, it’s about a 60/40 split that you’ll be cute. For men, it’s about 10/90. Rough.

There’s tons of myths about redheads: that we glow in the dark, derive power from feasting on the blood of the young, are born knowing all the words to Wagner’s Ring Trilogy. Most of these are untrue. But one urban myth has been proven by science: Redheads are more susceptible to pain and are resistent to anesthesia.

Turns out a mutant gene causes us to experience more pain than you brunettes and blondes. I have only one thing to say:

I fucking knew it! I have not been whining for thirty-plus years; I’ve been expressing an appropriate level of discomfort given my gene mutation. Suck on it, Mom.

But now that I’ve been identified as a genetic mutant, I wonder, will the world fear me and my kind even more than before? Will the calumny against redheads reach epic, and I fear tragic, proportions? It’s not like we can take much abuse.

To be continued....


Today's Events

Shift Dance Festival at VSA North 4th Art Center

Kelsey Paschich
Francois Achan

Unique choreographic voices, points of views and movement styles from dancers Allie Hankins, Jacqueline Stewart, Jacqueline M. García, Lisa Nevada and Kelsey Paschich.

Leftover Soul • vinyl dance party at Sister

Cerrillos Station Farmers Market at Cerrillos Station

More Recommended Events ››

  • Select sidebar boxes to add below. You can also click and drag to rearrange the boxes; close using the little X icons on each box. To re-add a box you closed, return to this menu.
  • Because you are not logged in, any changes you make to these boxes will vanish as soon as you click to another page. If you log in, the boxes will stick.
  • Latest Posts
  • Web Exclusives
  • Recent Rocksquawk Discussions
  • Recent Classifieds
  • Latest User Posts
  • Most Active Users
  • Most Active Stories
  • Calendar Comments
  • Upcoming Alibi Picks
  • Albuquerque
  • Duke City Fix
  • Albuquerque Beer Scene
  • What's Wrong With This Picture?
  • Reddit Albuquerque
  • ABQ Journal Metro
  • ABQrising
  • ABQ Journal Latest News
  • Albuquerque
  • NM and the West
  • New Mexico FBIHOP
  • Democracy for New Mexico
  • Only in New Mexico
  • Mario Burgos
  • Democracy for New Mexico
  • High Country News
  • El Grito
  • NM Politics with Joe Monahan
  • Stephen W. Terrell's Web Log
  • The Net Is Vast and Infinite
  • Slashdot
  • Freedom to Tinker
  • Is there a feed that should be on this list? Tell us about it.
    Core Conditioning Flow
    Core Conditioning Flow10.1.2016