Laura Marrich Eats Sandwich, Retains Water

I was on the news this morning talking about Reuben sandwiches for Deanna Sauceda’s morning segment. She was really nice and kept calling me “Girl!,” like the righteous drag queen bestie I never had. Her cameraman’s name is Lovely. Michael Lovely, in fact. But his camera was marked “Lovely KRQE,” and Deanna called him Lovely. “Lovely, why don’t you get some B-Roll while I talk to Tony?” And he was a lovely chap, with a cool hairdo.

My thoughts, to be read aloud during the director’s cut of “Ask Deanna”:

What’s the word for “rye,” again? ... It’s on the tip of my ... oh, yeah, “rye.”

Wait, I have a huge, oddly shaped head? Why didn’t anyone tell me?