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What can’t you do with this?
What can’t you do with this?

If you’re like me, you have a hard time in new social situations (mostly stemming from the conviction that everyone there is jealous and shit). But sometimes, your job or the young coffee stand boy you’re attempting to get naked forces you to meet and mingle with new people. What to do? Here are some tips I’ve picked up:

When someone introduces herself, say, “Liar!”

Bring some ham with you.

Mention that you have black friends.

Wear a cumberbund.

DON”T bring up the Spanish-American War.

DO offer Mentos.

Correct people’s pronunciation.

Take a souvenir with you to show you appreciated the host’s hospitality.

Watch TV.

Remember: Anyone can make chit-chat and play nice. You’ll go far if you make an impression.


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