Top 10 Reasons Lists Are the Worst

10. I read most every one I come across.

9. They never have me on them. I have not made any lists. Neither have you, probably. We are nothing if we’re not listed. I’m not even listed in the phone book.

8. Writers are fierce know-it-alls who want their list to be individualized but not too out of step with what other writers are writing. Safety is dull.

7. Will someone please make a list of the worst Top 10 lists?

6. Why do we chunk out time this way anyway? 10 years are just 10 years. I want to see a list of the best movies of the last 17 years.

5. Lists tell what you already know and talk about people who’ve already saturated a layer of your brain. Where’s the list of stuff I don’t know about?

4. Michael Jackson will be on every list. Even unrelated lists. Like, “Top 10 Shapes Most Often Spotted in Hamburger Patties” will have MJ as No. 1.

3. So will Tiger Woods.

2. So will Obama.

1. Lists are reductive.