Mummy, I just walked home, and it WAS AWFUL. There were all these really nasty people who behaved as if they hadn't been brought up right ... giving me attention I didn't want. I mean, don't they realize that I should only have attention I desire and control?
Also, mummy, my rent is going up so I'm going to need another check. The homeless scum ... I mean, less-fortunate people here ... are like three blocks away from the boutique-cum-improv theater, and I think that's why business is slow. This city living thing is tough, that's for sure. It's just like South Central here, I'm so sure.
And mummy OMIGOD urine!! There is URINE on the sidewalk! Next to the ... um, less-fortunate guys ... it's soooo disgusting! I can NOT believe it!!! I so wish you didn't help me buy that loft now. I know that sounds ingrateful, but I was thinking that if enough of us moved in to the neighborhood, we could, like, make those scumbags move away!!! Or at least to some sort of halfway house or something! Ewwww!
Anyhow, I might have some better news because I've written one of my pieces where I (rather archly, if I do say so myself) remind the public servants that they have a job to do: make things the way I like them. And other people like me, too. This 'gentrification' thing is definitely trickier than I thought, and they're not holding up their end AT ALL.
I have gone and purchased a weapon so don't worry (and please don't lecture me, I sat through the training class even though the moron instructor kept splitting infinitives).
Anyhow, gotta run, the condo association is meeting tonight to see what we can do about the sound of the air brakes on the buses that stop outside the building. We're thinking of a class action suit against the City. I know you always taught me to stand up for myself, and you'd be proud.