Nope, UNM didn't blow up yesterday.

There's a downside to putting your church on wheels: somebody might steal it.

Britain has a special holiday gift for China: £45 million worth of pig semen.

How to be a reverse racist, an instructional video.

Meet the durian, the spiky king of fruits which smells like delicious, delicious garbage.

Eight examples of how purebred dogs have been ruined.

It turns out that asking questions like "If Santa Claus is a black man, wouldn't all the presents be stolen?" doesn't really help the cause of diversity.

The weather is getting wintry and some ABQ kids need help staying warm. Here's where you can donate a coat.

A 14-year old kid was banned from Coronado mall for being punched in the head and called a fag. And then his attacker posted a video of the incident to youtube.

The NSA is watching you masturbate.

President Obama is preparing to pardon a turkey, as presidents have done since 1989.

And since the turkey gets pardoned, it's reasonable to ask: What do they eat at a White House Thanksgiving? Why, another turkey, of course. A very bad turkey who doesn't have a cute name like "Popcorn" and therefore doesn't deserve a pardon, I assume.

You can add this to your repertoire of animal-based similes: "As stealthy as a seahorse."

And finally, my favorite headline of the day: Confusion in Ekiti town as goat delivers human-like baby goat!

Did you hear about that election yesterday? People made some decisions. Good ones, as far as I'm concerned.

In related news, here's a video of Pavarotti singing "Perfect Day" with Lou Reed.

A Democratic Hawaiian state representative has decided to stop destroying people's possessions with a sledge hammer. "The point that I was trying to make has been made,"he said.

A cache of millions of dollars worth of art, originally seized by the Nazis, will not be returned to its rightful owners because of a German law written by the Nazis. Damn Nazis.

Poor George Zimmerman just keeps having to act in self defense. He is now being charged with domestic aggravated self defense after he pointed a gun at his girlfriend in self defense and then shattered a glass table in self defense. A week earlier, he apparently choked her in self defense. It is unknown at this time whether she was in possession of skittles or a hoodie during any of these incidents.

Need a hiding place for a million dollars worth of gold bars? An airplane toilet is probably a bad idea.

• Z-Man is a mess that keeps on messing up! (BrokenArrow) [ Thu Nov 21 2013 8:37 AM ]
  
• Arrow: Don't Get Mugged...Z-man​ shoulda stayed in Texas! Cops Love Him! (StormCrow) [ Thu Dec 5 2013 9:30 AM ]
  

The mayor of Tacloban, a Philippines city hit hard by the recent typhoon, is calling for residents to flee after an attempted mass burial was cancelled due to gunfire.

Want to help the 9.5 million people affected by Typhoon Haiyan? Send money, not goods, to the Philippine Red Cross.

Teenagers in Santa Fe broke into a home, stole some electronics and then fled. They also left a trail of candy right to their hideout, allowing Detectives Shaggy and Scoob to quickly issue a citation.

Jesus' trunk or Jesus' junk? Either way, it's getting covered up at an Albuquerque church.

UK police say that a spy who was found decomposing inside a padlocked gym bag probably died accidentally. They then nervously shuffled their feet, avoided eye contact and tried to change the subject.

Did you release a live alligator at O'Hare airport? If so, the police would like to have a word with you.

Don't forget to use your turn signal in New Mexico. Our cops are waaaay into butts.

Bill de Blasio becomes New York City's first Democratic mayor in 20 years. Some say his son's impressive Afro made the difference.

Toronto Mayor Rob Ford admits to smoking crack, but it was probably when he was "in a drunken stupor," so no big deal.

Teachers who complain about students on social media should probably stop doing that. Especially if their status update contains the words "I can just kill these kids."

But here's a perfect student: a 240-year old mechanical boy that can be programmed to write just about anything.

And the Metropolitan Detention Center faces more overcrowding: This time it's from 30,000 pounds of unpopped popcorn.

• Barnyard outrage (Pattriot) [ Wed Nov 6 2013 9:35 PM ]
  
• Up yours next!? (BrokenArrow) [ Thu Nov 7 2013 7:32 PM ]
  

Early voting begins today.

Here's a rundown on the money spent so far by organizations on both sides of the abortion ban measure.

The signs are everywhere. Beware Nob Hill's "Threat from above!"

This woman in North Dakota found a new way to make kids cry on Halloween.

Here's a list of reasons people were denied security clearances with the Department of Defense. Go ahead, do a search for "sex," you know you want to.

Don't dress up as these things for Halloween, please.

How the Ouija Board named itself, and other fascinating tidbits from the history of this peculiar "game."

If you like parties, champagne and savory tid-bits served on trays, but don't, for some reason, want people seeing your face (perhaps you are the very incarnation of a horrible disease?), the Masked Evening Ball at St. James Tearoom (320 Osuna NE, Building D) has got to be your number one event of the year. Come in formal attire with your favorite mask, and remember, you never know who could be hiding beneath the next false face. Could it be, perhaps, the King of England? (Spoiler: No. It couldn't. Don't be insane.) The festivities kick off tomorrow at 6:30pm, and the masked extravaganza will run you $75. The St. James Tearoom • Sat Oct 26 • 6:30-9:30pm • $75 • 21+ • View on Alibi calendar

New Mexico Supreme Court to decide on gay marriage once and for all today. So finally we can all stop arguing about it.

No more topless videos on Facebook. So leave your shirts and your heads on for now.

Definitive proof of the afterlife caught on camera as a ghost robs a convenience store! What do you say to THAT Benjamin Radford?

Those guys in Roswell who want to kill horses for food are in court, arguing for their right to kill horses for food.

An Australian billionaire is not only building an exact replica of the Titanic, he's also filming a new Titanic movie that will be "a lot better" than the one with Leo and Kate. He then screamed "Nothing can stop me now! I'm invincible!" and cackled insanely for 20 minutes.

It doesn't matter how good your dog is. Don't give them jerky treats. Sorry pup.

Finally, NASA shot lasers at the moon. Yes, there's a reason, but it's boring, so I'm just going to leave it at that: NASA shot lasers at the moon.

Dia de los Muertos is just around the corner, so you'd better get going on those sugar skulls if you want to properly honor the spirits of the departed. Lucky for you, this year's Marigold & Harvest Festival features a skull decorating workshop to help ensure that returning loved ones are well impressed by your beautiful ofrenda. While you're at the festival, you can also learn about composting, play games with the kiddos and watch the Decorated Bike Parade. Catch the free festivities at Farm & Table (8917 Fourth Street NW) tomorrow from 10am to 2pm. An autumnal good time is guaranteed. Farm & Table • Sat Oct 19 • 10am-2pm • FREE • ALL-AGES! • View on Alibi calendar

Oh my god, it's a sea monster. Or actually, just a gigantic, eel like fish. Which is the same thing, let's be honest here.

There's a new baby elephant at the zoo, and as usual nobody there can figure out what to name it. Maybe YOU can help? (The vote is between three names, but if enough of us demand "Kraktow, Crusher of Men" they have to listen, right?)

Los Alamos is getting mighty close to shutting down. That is, unless House Republicans come to their senses and HAHAHAHAHA!

Remember that guy who jumped from 24 miles above the earth and filmed it? Now you can see the whole descent from his point of view. Spoiler: cool cool pretty cool cool spinning crazy OMG boring boring boring crazy crazy upside down boring boring boring crazy crazy parachute boring boring boring lands.

Dried cockroaches are going for $20 a pound in China for use in cosmetics. The people who raise them en mass call it "special farming."

And finally, with Halloween just around the corner, check out the the 25 best horror films available on Netflix instant.