It's Wednesday April 16

and three of Albuquerque's six member Police Oversight Commission have resigned, saying that they have no real power to do their jobs, that the City Attorney's Office has undermined them at every turn, and that the Commission is a 'mockery' in terms of oversight,

cleanup crews are moving toward the contaminated section of WIPP, very, very slowly,

and Governor Susana Martinez is being compared to Sarah Palin and eyed for a presidential run.

Meanwhile, a ferry boat sank off the cost of South Korea, possibly killing hundreds,

children are struggling to understand the unfathomable mystery of the Sony Walkman,

parents are complaining to libraries about the use of words like "pee-pee" and "Dr. Diaper" in the Captain Underpants book series,

and a man was arrested after licking a cop's eyeball outside of a bar called "Pisser's Palace."

Have a great day!

Good morning, it's Wednesday April 9th,

and New Mexico's law enforcement academy is being sued by former instructors for encouraging illegal activity,

but APD officers managed to take in a suicidal gunman without getting anyone killed,

and he'll enter care at the Metropolitan Detention Center, currently the largest mental health care facility in the state.

Meanwhile,

a mass stabbing at a Pennsylvania school injured 20 people,

Vermont farmers are watering their crops with donated human urine,

a company called Veet is selling leg-waxing products with ads that demean women, trade on homophobia and just generally make a case for tearing down our culture and starting fresh,

and Texans are inadvertently pooping on bluebonnets.

Have a great day!

It's Wednesday, April 2

and there's been another police shooting in Albuquerque, although this time it was the US Marshals and not APD,

a former Albuquerque policeman who was fired in 2011 after kicking a prone suspect "repeatedly" in the head would like his job back,

and family members of civilians exposed to radiation from the Trinity test are getting ready to protest at the bomb site's annual opening.

Meanwhile, Chile has been rocked by a deadly earthquake,

the Supreme Court struck down even more campaign finance limitations,

the latest Facebook scare campaign is claiming that kids are smoking coffee to get high; this guy tried it and says it sucks,

and Harvard's library discovered that at least three of their books have bindings of human flesh, one of which belonged to a man who was flayed alive.

Have a good day!

It's Wednesday, March 26,

and yesterday, hundreds of people turned out to protest the fatal shooting of James Boyd by Albuquerque police,

so APD showed its willingness to take citizens' concerns seriously by immediately shooting and killing another person,

meanwhile, Her Enlightened Beingness Gwyneth Paltrow would like for her readers to know that she and husband Chris Martin will be "consciously uncoupling," or, as mortals call it,"divorcing,"

and kangaroos are invading Romania,

dog sex remains utterly weird and awful,

and Robert Basler of the Santa Fe Reporter isn't sure whether New Mexican food actually exists.

Have a great day.

It's Wednesday morning,

and a strange plume flashed across radar near the Trinity nuclear test site and nobody knows what it means,

APD will soon elaborate on how their use of "less than lethal force" still managed to kill a man in the Sandia foothills,

Assistant city attorney Greg Wheeler advises that you not pay parking tickets issued by private parking lots, while private parking lot owners advise that you not listen to Greg Wheeler,

Albuquerque's own Supper Truck is getting national attention for responding to a negative review in an adorable way

San Francisco has rounded up a crack troop of firefighting goats,

and Christopher Walken just keeps dancing and dancing.

There are things in the world beyond your understanding. One is Bitcoin and another is Kanye West. Now, you can save time by not understanding both in one convenient package: the Coinye. Kanye, by the way, is totally suing.

Just because the cops tell you to administer a forcible enema and colonoscopy doesn't mean you should do it.

A family and their dog barricaded in a bedroom and police frantically dialing animal control. When will humanity learn its lesson? Beware the cats of Portland.

In the wake of WIPP's radioactive leakages, officials at Los Alamos say they are looking into "alternatives" for storing their toxic waste. No word on what those alternatives are, but this analyst suggests shoving the boxes all the way into the back of the closet and then putting more boxes on top of them.

The Neverlanders Social Club, with their Walt Disney tattoos, cartoon character dress code and penchant for hanging around the Small World ride, may not fill you with fear, but you're bound to be unnerved.

Finally, all you never wanted to know about what went wrong with 1994's Street Fighter movie REVEALED.

Sometimes, it pays off to be bad at your job. Just ask Mae Keane, whose boss told her to use her lips to sharpen the point of a radioactive paint brush. She refused, got fired and, unlike many of her more cooperative coworkers who died in the 1920s, lived to be 107.

UNM student fees seem to have been supplementing shopping runs at Nordstrum's and the cops are looking into it.

More photos of Justin Bieber's stint in jail are on their way, but his junk will be blacked out.

After being closed down following a month of fires and radiation leaks at WIPP, new waste is now piling up outside the facility.

Hoverboards! They're totally real! Or at least this straight faced viral video featuring Christopher Lloyd is real. And that's almost as good, right?

A misplaced decimal point underlines why it's a good idea to check your receipt before leaving the Waffle House.

There's more proof that walking your dog can be good for you: a couple found $10 million in rare gold coins while taking Fido out for a stroll.

Meanwhile, in Florida, four foot long lizards are invading the swamps and eating up all the native animals because of course they are. It's Florida.

The CEO of the world's largest Bitcoin exchange asks you not to contact his employees with questions about where your money is because "they have been instructed not to give any response or information." Sounds legit.

San Francisco hates Google and San Francisco bar patrons hate Google Glass.

Oh hey, WIPP. WIPP is still leaking radioactivity, but DOE officials would like you to know everything is just fine. Really, man. They got this. You don't need to worry your pretty little head about it at all.

Former Navy Seals hired to protect a ship got so bored waiting for pirates to show up that they decided to kill themselves with heroin.

The Bueno chile recall has hit the Pit.

The WIPP nuclear waste burial site is apparently suffering a radiation leak.

And Bigfoot is going suburban? Could be. It's Detroit, so all bets are off.

Alleged "Craiglist Killer" Amanda Barbour may have murdered between one and 22 people. But probably just one.

On the off chance that you're thinking about castrating a hippo, you should probably give up on the idea.

Looking for a new way to lose money? Albuquerque hosts the US's first Bitcoin vending machine!

Oh my god, it's a rabbit stampede. The fuzziest stampede of all.

Bigfoot has arrived in Albuquerque! Although this isn't the famous Bigfoot of the Northeastern redwoods. This is the less well-known fake rubber Bigfoot of the Texas Hill Country.

Finally, all the journalism about the greatest rags-to-riches-to-freaking-out-about-getting-people-addicted-to-a-phone-game story of our generation, Flappy Bird, collected in one place.

Bueno Foods has announced a recall of its frozen green chile. Thousands of journalists struggle to not type the words "no bueno" into their headlines. Some fail.

After three years of clockwork freak-outs about it, the House quietly raised the debt ceiling "without condition" last night. Somehow, the world still hasn't ended.

Hey Albuquerque! Stop pointing laser beams at airplanes! It's all fun and games until you blind a pilot and they crash into the Simms Building.

Shia LaBeouf's new hobby is sitting in a dark room with a bag over his head, crying with strangers.