Sometimes, it pays off to be bad at your job. Just ask Mae Keane, whose boss told her to use her lips to sharpen the point of a radioactive paint brush. She refused, got fired and, unlike many of her more cooperative coworkers who died in the 1920s, lived to be 107.

UNM student fees seem to have been supplementing shopping runs at Nordstrum's and the cops are looking into it.

More photos of Justin Bieber's stint in jail are on their way, but his junk will be blacked out.

After being closed down following a month of fires and radiation leaks at WIPP, new waste is now piling up outside the facility.

Hoverboards! They're totally real! Or at least this straight faced viral video featuring Christopher Lloyd is real. And that's almost as good, right?

A misplaced decimal point underlines why it's a good idea to check your receipt before leaving the Waffle House.

There's more proof that walking your dog can be good for you: a couple found $10 million in rare gold coins while taking Fido out for a stroll.

Meanwhile, in Florida, four foot long lizards are invading the swamps and eating up all the native animals because of course they are. It's Florida.

The CEO of the world's largest Bitcoin exchange asks you not to contact his employees with questions about where your money is because "they have been instructed not to give any response or information." Sounds legit.

San Francisco hates Google and San Francisco bar patrons hate Google Glass.

Oh hey, WIPP. WIPP is still leaking radioactivity, but DOE officials would like you to know everything is just fine. Really, man. They got this. You don't need to worry your pretty little head about it at all.

Former Navy Seals hired to protect a ship got so bored waiting for pirates to show up that they decided to kill themselves with heroin.

The Bueno chile recall has hit the Pit.

The WIPP nuclear waste burial site is apparently suffering a radiation leak.

And Bigfoot is going suburban? Could be. It's Detroit, so all bets are off.

Alleged "Craiglist Killer" Amanda Barbour may have murdered between one and 22 people. But probably just one.

On the off chance that you're thinking about castrating a hippo, you should probably give up on the idea.

Looking for a new way to lose money? Albuquerque hosts the US's first Bitcoin vending machine!

Oh my god, it's a rabbit stampede. The fuzziest stampede of all.

Bigfoot has arrived in Albuquerque! Although this isn't the famous Bigfoot of the Northeastern redwoods. This is the less well-known fake rubber Bigfoot of the Texas Hill Country.

Finally, all the journalism about the greatest rags-to-riches-to-freaking-out-about-getting-people-addicted-to-a-phone-game story of our generation, Flappy Bird, collected in one place.

Bueno Foods has announced a recall of its frozen green chile. Thousands of journalists struggle to not type the words "no bueno" into their headlines. Some fail.

After three years of clockwork freak-outs about it, the House quietly raised the debt ceiling "without condition" last night. Somehow, the world still hasn't ended.

Hey Albuquerque! Stop pointing laser beams at airplanes! It's all fun and games until you blind a pilot and they crash into the Simms Building.

Shia LaBeouf's new hobby is sitting in a dark room with a bag over his head, crying with strangers.

Bill Nye the Science Guy and Ken Ham the Creationist Man finally went head to head in the "origin of the Universe" debate last night. Condensed version: Ham thinks God did it, while Nye says something doesn't add up about that whole Noah's Ark business.

Some New Mexicans are freaked out by the snow that fell this week. They say it doesn't melt. I was going to test this myself but all the snow, um, melted.

CVS is no longer enabling your nicotine addiction. But the guy hanging out in the parking lot will be happy to help you try something harder.

Overnight raids by the NYPD uncovered drug dealing suspects with a possible connection to Philip Seymour Hoffman's death.

Maybe you're feeling a little schlubby this morning and you wonder if it's because Mercury is in retrograde. Here's a way for you to find out.

Big news in the video game world: the people's desire to pretend to be a goat will not go unanswered. Coffee Stain Studio's Goat Simulator may soon enter Beta development.

Last night, Obama gave his annual State of the Union address. Here's the important part.

And, of course, the rebuttal.

How not to deal with the media: New York representative threatens to throw reporter off balcony and "break him in half." With the cameras running.

Remember that time Pete Seeger refused to cooperate with HUAC? He did offer to sing them some songs though.

The Journal has an interactive map and comprehensive timeline of APD shootings, as well as information on the resulting cost to taxpayers.

More proof that God's running out of ideas for miracles: The Toe Jesus of Silver City. Go home, God. You're drunk.

Watch out, everybody! The tumbleweeds are fighting back!

Gov. Susana Martinez delivered her "State of the State" address yesterday. The gist: she's for good things and against bad things. If only her policies reflected that.

The Candy Lady is heading to court to fight her eviction today. Maybe she should just pay her rent already?

The KKK has hit on a new recruitment strategy: Lollipops! and racism! (The second part isn't new.)

New Mexico's anal-probe-happy police officers have just cost taxpayers $1.6 million.

Toronto mayor Rob Ford is still crazy and drunk. Also, apparently, Jamaican?

A candidate for the Florida House of Representatives celebrated MLK day by calling for the lynching of President Obama. "I guess they're going to call me a racist now," he added.

Jimmy Dean has discontinued their 16oz roll of sausage and this Texan is mad as hell about having to buy a 12oz "fucking pussy roll of sausage."

The NSA is still watching you masturbate/plot terrorist attacks/play minesweeper, even if your computer is offline.

In the far future, you will tell your children that January 15, 2014 was the day you first heard of the Great Banana Caper.

Life-sized robot baby teaches innocent passersby that children are evil and should never be approached, no matter how pathetically they cry.

More proof that children are evil: Nasty notes from the under-10 set. "Sorry because of nothing."

The attorney representing a former police officer who shot and killed a man for texting in a movie theater is arguing that the shooter was actually a victim in fear for his life. Because the other man threw popcorn at him.

Neutral Milk Hotel will be stopping by Albuquerque in April.

And finally, the world is dark and depressing and our hearts go out to the children of Roswell.

• This is real life? (sloppy) [ Wed Jan 15 2014 11:22 AM ]
  

Council watch: Albuquerque officials get catty on camera.

Kim Jong Un and Dennis Rodman are still BFFs. Even if Rodman can't sing.

Governor Chris Christie may use traffic snarls to punish his enemies. So whose local slap fight is to blame for construction on south San Mateo?

Lost footage from The Day the Clown Cried, Jerry Lewis's misbegotten Holocaust film and apparently one of the worst movies ever made (but only seven people have ever seen it, so who knows?), has been found.

Can you tell real headlines from fake? Is this one fake?

A Veterans Affairs Medical Supply Center in an Albuquerque is removing all Duck Dynasty items from their shelves.

And La Santa Muerte is stalking the streets of 'Burque.

I'm crawling out of bed on New Year's Day just for you, beloved readers.

But hey, happy new year! Let's all look forward to the year of the swan, the salamander, the e-engagement, the modest sheath dress, the brain, the bros, the pitcher, the light heavyweights and 48 other things proclaimed by writers all over the world.

Somebody made a big mess in Times Square last night. About 50 tons of mess. And somebody else has to clean it up.

If you head out for breakfast today you might notice that your Albuquerque servers are a little bit happier. About a buck fifty an hour happier, in fact.

And the Boy Scouts of America will be slightly more tolerant starting today.

But those opposed to Obamacare will be fuming.

Hey! A lot of people saw a lot of monsters last year. Monsters like big gold fish, suspicious logs in lakes, mangy dogs and a giant squid.

And now I'm going back to sleep.