Well, kids, let’s see what’s going on in the news today:

The city of Albuquerque has decided that supporters of a marijuana decriminalization measure need to have more signatures on their petition than the city had originally told them. OOPS. Too bad the deadline was Monday. And no, they don’t get an extension.

Murderers of a retired educator in Chimayo claim to have held a ‘witchcraft’ ceremony after the killing. Which sounds super creepy, but apparently only involved "wrapping a ribbon in something and putting it in a baggie." I guess it's creepy if the 'something' was an eyeball. But way less creepy if the 'something' was a, I dunno, pencil. Basically, my feelings about this story are dependent on what got wrapped in a ribbon and then put into a baggie.

An Albuquerque man tried to stretch the family food budget by killing, then butchering the family dog. Which was a chihuahua, by the way, which could feed maybe one person? I don't think this guy thought things through.

And the Duke City is due to become the Cake City this weekend. Cake kind of sounds like Duke and it’s the best I could come up with before my coffee hits bottom. Also, I’m still thinking about that witchcraft thing. And the pot thing. And the dog thing. Is there something wrong with the state this week?

A team of surgeons removed 232 teeth from the mouth of a 17-year old boy in India.

Two more mysterious holes leading to the blackest depths of the Earth have opened up in Siberia. Scientists think it’s happening because of an eruption of gas, but the Internet thinks it’s probably mole men.

And Harrison Ford’s ankle injury is probably going to prevent puffins from having sex. Dammit, Harrison Ford. First Indy 4 and now this?

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It's Wednesday, July 23

and a teenager says he looked into the mirror after beating two homeless men to death and "saw the devil,"

APD cornered a fugitive and shot at him for the second time in six months. This time, they killed him.

A boy exploring an abandoned house in Ohio discovered a mummified corpse hanging in the closet.

Archaeologists have found the remains of a huge, 7-foot-long dog buried near the site where a demonic hound was said to have murdered church-goers in the 16th century.

A mysterious, yawning crater has opened up in the Yarnal region of Siberia and nobody knows why. Please note that "Yarnal" translates to "End of the world."

And some women are rejecting feminism because they need help opening jars.

For our inaugural episode, calendars editor Mark Lopez and I (Ty Bannerman, food and features editor) discuss some upcoming events, the food at Backstreet Grill and chat with novelist and creative writing professor Erika Wurth about the connection between Native American oppression and the current crisis at the border.

Stream it below, and feel free to leave a comment about how weird our voices sound or whatever.

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It's Wednesday, July 16, and all you people want is clickbait? I'll give you some damned clickbait. Clickbait that will SHOCK YOU.

This woman ran from State Police, and you'll never guess what happened next! They shot her. I bet you could have guessed that, actually.

Another woman left her dog in a hot car in T or C, and what this police officer did may give you decidedly mixed feelings.

Activists in Santa Fe are pushing for a new law that will change marijuana possession FOREVER.

Here's the NUMBER ONE reason the CDC is going to try and not contaminate its samples with anthrax anymore.

The Ku Klux Klan has been giving away candy to neighborhood kids, and their parents are upset about it. You'll never guess why!

660 pedophiles got arrested in Britain with this one weird law enforcement trick.

There. Now make with the clicky-click. CLICK IT. JUST CLICK IT.

Good morning, it's July 9,

and the lights are out in parts of Albuquerque,

the jails are abusive in Truth or Consequences,

the mailboxes are exploding in the Heights,

and the family of a man who was killed in Albuquerque by US Marshals have released his name to the press.

Meanwhile,

rockets are flying and tanks are rolling in Israel/Palestine,

the former mayor of New Orleans is going to prison,

a Google exec found that his "mutually beneficial arrangement'" wasn't so beneficial when the call girl administered a fatal dose of heroin

your kids are still watching too much TV,

and no, Barack Obama would not like to get high with you, sir.

Last weekend, the geeks had their annual "prom" at Albuquerque Comic Expo. This weekend, the carnivores will reign supreme at the 11th annual Pork & Brew BBQ State Championship, a three-day celebration of all things meaty and grilled. There will be beer, wine tastings, eating contests and samples galore, and if you don't go through an entire case of wetwipes by the end of the first day, you're doing it wrong. The event starts tomorrow and continues on Saturday, July 5, from 11am to 8pm both days, and Sunday, July 6, from 11am to 5pm. Tickets range from $20-$60. Santa Ana Star Center, Rio Rancho • Fri Jul 4 • 11am-8pm • $20-$60 • View on Alibi calendar

It's Wednesday, July 2,

and ArtBar by Catylyst Club will be closing its doors due to problems with the State Alcohol and Firearms department,

Joline Gutierrez Krueger of the Journal is freaking out about raccoons,

and Gary Johnson is finally president! Of a marijuana cough drop company.

Meanwhile,

an analysis of several Bigfoot hair samples suggests that legendary creature is some kind of wolf/ cow/raccoon/bear hybrid,

Target is asking that people please stop bringing huge guns into their stores,

whereas the state of Georgia says it's okay for you to bring guns wherever you want! Including bars, government buildings and airports,

and in a revelation straight from my nightmares, plants can hear themselves being eaten.

Good morning! It's Wednesday, June 25,

and the attorney representing a UNM football player who was accused of rape has publicly released a cell phone video showing his client and the alleged victim "in numerous and different sexual positions,"

Taos is still wrestling with whether or not to rename Kit Carson park after something other than the man in charge of the "Long Walk" where thousands of Navajos were forcibly relocated from their homelands,

a group of anti-abortion protestors think that Gov. Martinez isn't "pro-life" enough,

and an Albuquerque man tried and failed to use a fake penis called "the Whizzinator" to pass a drug test.

Meanwhile

a teenager who planned an attack on his school involving multiple guns, bombs and molotov cocktails thinks he might be mentally ill,

the Supreme Court ruled that police need a warrant to search your cell phone,

and a man in Queens walked into a McDonald's with a knife sticking out of his back. "He was cool and calm," said his friend.

Have a great day!

Good morning, it's Wednesday, June 18,

and the Assayii Lake Fire is continuing to spread,

a memorial for Nancy Myers, a woman who was killed at a homeless encampment by a hit-and-run driver on June 9th, will be held this Friday at 6pm at the Albuquerque Rescue Mission courtyard (525 Second SW),

and one New Mexico gubernatorial campaign has been caught lying in emails, and the other apparently doesn't like "fat girls" in bikinis,

Meanwhile,

the US Patent Office has revoked the Redskins' trademarks because they are "disparaging to Native Americans,"

Youtube will soon begin blocking music videos from independent labels,

and a London bus stop is being haunted by a VHS copy of Hell Raiser.

Have a great day!