My sister and I sleep on the grass in the front yard of our childhood home. The whole town has been abducted by aliens. They fly north overhead in lighted cylinders in long procession. The grass around us grows long.
As I return from my jog I pass some bleachers. Two beautiful blonds call out to me: 'We're single! You're single!' I give them dual thumbs up and then trip and stumble as I continue on. I hear laughter. Later, inside, I recline on the couch in an embrace with the taller of the two. I am awestruck by her familiar beauty. She seems to be attracted to me too. Then I see the problem: she is crazy. She channels Napoleon and her bare skull face is tightly bound with many windings of dental floss.
I am sitting in a class with next to a blond, tanned beauty. She is playing footsie with me. We are in the middle of a written/oral exam.
Q: “Will she have used load average = overdrive?”
A: “If she drove faster than five!”
I am walking through the mall. I pass my old friend D and her dark-haired Aussie girlfriend. D gives me a severe look. I bow and kiss her hand. She wears a gold band on her finger. She asks me when I'm going to grow up. I tell her it's too late, so never. We are joined on a furniture store bed by four of her friends. I joke in response to some anecdote: “That will kaak in your craw!” This gets a big laugh. One of the girls is playing with my tie. I see where this is going.
Against our advice, my friend B consumes an entire package of red chili powder, rendering him microscopic. I can still hear his tiny voice, but I can't see him.
I am led inside a darkened long boat to look at a car for sale. It is a 3/4 size 1930s sedan with a sleeping compartment in the rear—all black and chrome. The guy wants $100 or $200K. The car is also amphibious, owing to its large, grey running boards. The guy will demonstrate, but the fog on the beach is still too heavy.
"They're not letting anyone in yet." Soon, everyone leaves for the battle.
Jack Sparrow explains: "I actually try not to kill too many people, and trust God to keep me safe." I tarry, looking for my gloves.
I start to run up the river bank, realizing I am late. I picture myself helping with the wounded and the ammo on the long boat, as I have done before. But the long boat has already returned, nearly deserted.
I climb aboard and hear the cries: "They sucked our blood everywhere!"
I now hear war whoops, like coyotes, from up the river. N, dressed in black, walks somberly past me.
"Scairdy?" she asks, then quotes: "'Even his little will be taken away from him.'"
Song: "All my life, all your life, yer numb, yer numb, yer dumb, and then you die…"
In a field near the top of my childhood street I search for a place to build a fort for my nephews. I examine a shady, overgrown area behind some rusty corrugated siding. An old farmer appears. He is friendly and leads me into a huge house he is remodeling. I see his wife down a long hallway with a plywood floor. In the living room, I meet his three daughters. The farmer resumes painting above the mantle. The middle daughter tells a story about my old friend S. I ask about S’ sister. I ask if S is married.
"No, but close to it—with (girl's name)!"
"That's even better!" I say.
I am riding in a flatbed truck with some farm workers. I spot some tornadoes on the horizon. We arrive at "Washer Heaven." A Great Dane tries to climb over the rail into the truck. I pat his paw. "Good Dog", I say and try to push him off.
I briefly meet Martha Stewart face-to-face at a party where others wearing novel jewelry are dancing. She transforms into someone else I know.
The old colonel has invented a new game whereby one takes hold of some loops in the ears of a small wooden elephant and gives chase by flying in a sine wave, rising and falling, rising and falling…