Event Horizon

War is Hairy

Saturday, Feb 20: Battle of the Beards

morguefile.com

"Battle of the Beards" sounds hilarious, doesn't it? You're picturing ZZ Top or Cousin It or some cute, family-friendly hair farm on legs—who maybe puts a braid and ribbons in when they're having one of those "goofball days." And Duke City Harley-Davidson are trying their damnedest to make it look that way for their fuzzy face-off this Saturday, Feb. 20, with a whimsical list of competitive categories: men's natural beard design, men's fake beard design and women's fake beard design.

Isn't that cute? Won't that be fun? Well, some of us out here on the edge still remember the Beard Wars of '87, and we know there's nothing "fun" about an all-out, balls-to-the-wall, whisker-cushioned rumble. There are tears trapped in brambly face brush and ingrown follicles. Razor-burns that take no bribes, scraping rich and poor alike.

"Oh ho," you say, "isn't this little event announcement just so wacky?" Fine. You obviously won't listen to reason. Go ahead and drop in at Duke City HD at 12pm to enter the battle for all I care. Voting's at 2pm, and the winner will be announced at 4pm. If you're still there at that time, just remember that I gave you fair warning. This is on your head—your face, I mean. Duke City Harley-Davidson • Sat Feb 20 • Noon-4pm • FREE • ALL-AGES! • View on Alibi calendar