Food

“One of them 11 or nine star restaurants or somethin’”

The funniest thing you’ll hear today. Yessir.

Listen here, or thereabouts.

Apparently “it’s been real hot” down in Mobile, Alabama. But the heat isn’t stopping the good folks at the U of South Alabama hospital cafeteria from telling you their daily menu. No sir.

A friend who works in Mobile pointed me in the direction of what is arguably one of the greatest greeting messages ever recorded. Apparently the cafeteria records their menu for the public everyday, but today the normal person was out. So someone had to fill in. I’m not sure who this man is, but if I had to guess I’d say his last name is Leghorn and that he calls a Keyser blade a slingblade, yessir.

“You can get all this good refreshing salad stuff and put it on one of them styrofoam plates. ... Yessir.”
“You can get all this good refreshing salad stuff and put it on one of them styrofoam plates. ... Yessir.”

In terms of the menu, if you’re in the mood for Mexican, “The taco junior is $2.39. It’s real good. Good stuff. Ya know, ya need to be good to yourself and you deserve a break. Did you know that we have waterfront dining? Yessir, yessir. Right here in the cafeteria, just like one of them cruise ships. Kinda like the cafeteria afloat, a boat, goin’ three mile an hour or somethin.’”

But if you’re vegetarian, “You can get all this good refreshing salad stuff and put it on one of them styrofoam plates. And you know, load it up! put side bars on that thing (what?), ya know. Yessir.”

Oh, and when you’re done, “after you clean up where you’re sittin, ya know, leave one of them cased quarters (huh?) there on that table. It makes you feel better, it makes you think you been eatin’ at one of them 11 or nine star restaurants or somethin’.”

And please remember that you deserve that break, because “maybe you been pushin’ one of them little carts on wheels, goin’, ya know, here or there or somethin’.”

The cafeteria is open from 11 to 1:30, or thereabouts. Yessir, or somethin’.