I had no excuse not to come to work today, my pipes are fine.
My damn pipes are also fine.
well, my day was awesome. my pipes froze, but I got em thawed, and learned how to prevent future freezing in the process.
I left the water running so my pipes wouldn't freeze, which they did anyway, and my asshole boss still made come in to work.
Then on my way to work I stepped in some gum on the sidewalk. When I looked down to see what the deal was I noticed my shoelace was untied and it broke when I tried to tie it.
Then some jerk kid pantsed me while I was bent over and during my moment of exposure I was anally raped by a passing Saint Bernard.
Fuck your day!