And in alphabetical order

We could only pick some of these to run along the folio of each page in the print edition this week, but online there is no physical space to consider. And that’s why we love the Internet.

A mi cariño J, con lob y quises -L

Adrienne, Roberto and Mateo, you make my heart smile. Love you. Ninny

Antonia, you are the love of my life. Happiness is you. <3Nicole

Babe I have confidence in us and know we will be alright. Happy Valentine's!

Beloved X-14, perch on my shoulder like a parrot and I'll scratch your head.

Birds woo through fits of amorous tweet,you melt my soul in first greet

Blaze daddy, you make reggae beautiful

Brian, my everything, i love u more each day, here's to another year, Kristin

Bunny Bunny I love you, you are a great daughter! Love, Momma Pajama!

CAF—13 years together and who knew love could be so good?

Can't wait to spend a lifetime of Valentines Days with you Love Always....

carl, I wish you could replace will smith in the robot movie. love, offspring

Clay, 10 years of dorky, passionate,amazing, love. You're all I'll ever need. Love Audra

Cynthia P. My heart feels, you're the dream I want to make come true.

Dario, Thank you for sharing your smiles, kisses and music with me. Besotes, DoDRedhead

Dotrod, clean plate clubmember, bff, little spoon, dirty-clothes-nester, you complete me.ovariesB4Brovaries.N.

Ed: Looking forward to life-&-love w/you in the country Tiny Home! You ROCK! Julia

Enfreake, I'll always pay for your bean burrito with potatoes

Gomez: I'm sorry they cut your balls off. Love, Petey.

Grandma and Grandpa Torres, Thanks for your wisdom and generosity. love u- Kristin&Brian

Handsome, my heart overflows with love with love for you. Always and forever, Beauty

Happy Valentines Day My Handsome Man I'm Blessed to have you in my life!!!

Happy Valentines Day to my favorite blondes! You are both always in my heart.

Hey Meatspouse! Happy N+1th V-Day, where N is an arbitrarily large integer. <3 Sweetler

Hey Sugar-tits, I love you. Happy Anna Howard Shaw Day!

I love reading The Alibi, it makes me feel gooey inside

I love you like a fat kid loves cake!!!

I love you more than blue meth

I'm Clayble to say, you have Clayquered my heart.

Jocelyn- Happy v day we love u- Kristin and Brian

Josh and Colton, you are like 50mgps and HD porn after lunch

Julian, pour some weed crumbs on me

Kat, I love you (sometimes) in a non creepy way. Jami

Kim, you are nothing like courtney cox in friends

Kitty Cap, Keep sneaking into my bed and snuggling me. I love you- Kristin

linda beaver, I bought the car to talk to you

Marcy, you turn olive garden into the party garden

Maybe marriage has me a little high, but you'll always be my favorite datura.

Miss Logos, finally I know how you feel. It makes all the difference. XOXO.

Mitch, thank you for being my best friend. I love you. Jami

MKSol, I luv u n miss u bby. Keep up the good work. <3

MXG, you have become my home. I am thankful for our life together. -JFK

My Dearest SexyB & Pikey, I love & miss you! Love, BriBri

My love can't be seen, heard, or touched but, it's felt in my heart

My love for you is like, my love for alcohol-fresh!

My name is Sandy and I love candy.

Narnar, you are my favorite water baba.

Nena, I'll brush your hair until it falls out, kiss your baldness forever lvpr

Never doubt how much you mean to me and how much I Love You!!!

Nicole, as the sands of time run through my love will be with you.

Officer Trujillo, your hair looked good, like real good

Oh my dear Medusa, I love it when we get stoned together. -Perseus

Osiris, you're hot enough that i'll humor your opinion on ra's al ghul

Oskar—Stop, stop, stop controlling my mind. Love, Dad.

Room 15 at Painted Sky, Ms.Shay loves you and thinks you're the coolest!!

Roses are red. Violets are blue. I'll pick up the dog doo for you!

SABERTOOTH LOVES WOLVERINE! And Jodi! And Rebecca! 14. Aloha. Ooosh. Yip. Explosions. Amor, Jinero!

Sandra, I love looking at your pretty ears—Love, Lance

Santana, I'd let you borrow my sleeping bag at least 3 more times

SlimHalwzy, there is always that one person that will always have ur heart..

Smoochy smoochy, my sweet smizmar.

Three heads, six eyes, twelve paws. I love you my Cerberus pack.

To Boss Lady, you see cool stuff, know awesome ways and it makes sense.

To Dennis, Best. Husband. Ever. I love you, always. Love, Pumpkin. :)

To Emily, the silly, sweet, smart, and beautiful daughter of mine- Mommy loves you!!!

to my handsome witty charming bruiser skier .. my love grows steeper every year...kisses...french...hjc

We love you MAMA ROCCO and Don! Love- Brian and Kristin

When she bleeds its red, and her lovely skeleton shows. Love you, little troll!

You make me crazy, you drive me wild! What's not to love?!

You're fuzzy and warm and love me unconditionally! What more can a girl want?

YOUR ONE AND ONLY ROSY BUTT CHEEKS LOL 1ST VDAY 2*14*14 MUAH XOXO DURTE!!!!

In Woody Allen’s 1975 Russophile-lit satire Love and Death, Sonja (Diane Keaton) dispenses some of the best love advice ever captured on celluloid.

“To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be unhappy one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness.”

Sure, as that Nazareth song goes, love hurts, scars, wounds and mars. But the payoff that sometimes accompanies ardor, passion and devotion is pretty terrific. So, whether you’ve already locked down your sweetheart or not, send a sweet or sexy—and did I mention free?—Love Note to your beloved in the Alibi’s Valentine’s Day issue. Love Notes must be 14 words or less and be submitted by noon on Feb. 5 at alibi.com/lovenotes. Caveats: Don’t use your sweetie’s last name, but pet names and initials are cool. And while we’re well aware that haters gon‘ hate, these are Love Notes. It’s totally free, and creating a user account at alibi.com is a breeze. In the immortal words of Marvin Gaye, let’s get it on.

1.) Because it fucking sucks and was created by Satan.

2.) It makes me think of all the happiest moments in my life, and how they are tainted and smoldering in a violent ashen ball of dishonesty, backstabbing and infidelity.

3.) Belgian chocolate and red wine are for the birds. I want something freshly killed and dripping blood paired with a warm pint of Canadian Mist and a 6-pack of Mickey's big mouths.

4.) By now you've probably realized the irony in the title of this piece. I'm not the first to decry this horseshit-disguised-as-chocolate-mousse excuse for marketing, capitalism and the disgusting fact that some people actually do sincerely care about each other, but trust me lovebirds, it will pass. It always does. People are inherently selfish, callous and evil. Do yourself a favor and turn that silver-plated dinner fork into a weapon and get the agony over with. In the end, it's either you or them. Your choice.

5.) Those little candy hearts taste like Pepto-Bismol mixed with sidewalk chalk and are the human dietary equivalent of rat poisoning. Whoever made them can suck my dick.

6.) Because you can't actually get a Wild Turkey I.V. machine.

7.) Because this isn't Canada where "heartbreak" is a viable medical reason to get prescription painkillers.

8.) Because it doesn't make me want to listen to Death Cab for Cutie in the dark while crying and gingerly scraping a dull plastic knife across my wrists.

9.) Because it doesn't make me want to listen to Adele's "Someone Like You" in the dark while crying and gingerly scraping a dull plastic knife across my wrists.

10.) Because, as the song says, "Lean a little bit closer, see, roses really smell like poo poo." Actually, roses smell nice. Except when you've taken a shit in a bouquet and left it on your ex's doorstep. In that case, I'd have to agree with Outkast.

11.) The fruit basket industry is run by, and caters to, intolerable douchebags.

12.) "C'mon baby, just give me a second chance. I promise I won't (fill in the blank) ever again, or call your mom a (fill in a longer blank)."

13.) It always ends in a drunk dial.

[click to enlarge]

Folk artist and Pez-master Steve White has a new line of refurbished dispensers, just in time for V-Day. Some offerings are decidedly more risqué, such as an unclad cowgirl riding a bull with the title “Buck Naked.” Other clever titles include “Eve of Destruction”—and I won’t even go into the sexual allegory of that one. But if you’d like something a little more tame for your sweetheart, White’s matching male and female winged “Love Bird” series is bound to suit your fancy. The models all go for $20 a pop, and you can procure them by buzzing Steve at (505) 702-2093.

Last year, Weekly Alibi revived its long-haired, Luddite, pre-instant-messaging tradition of free Love Notes running in our print (and web) Valentine’s issue. It was a hit, so we’re doing it again. The big issue is February 9, the deadline is Feb. 1.

Submit your Love Notes here!

Kat Cox

says Liz Lemon

DON’T watch TV at work. Especially not the best bits of the deal-breaker episode of “30 Rock.”

DO read Alibi advice columnist Kat Cox’s article on a real deal-breaker.

Send your problems to askkat@alibi.com or through facebook.com/kat.curious.

Guillermo / CC BY-SA 2.0

Once through the metal detectors and past the zombies waiting hours upon hours to pay out the nose for minor traffic infractions, Metro Court is a puffy, love-filled dream of nuptual bliss.

Four score and one couple jumped the broom today at Metro Court, says spokeswoman Janet Blair. They came from all over. The couples were comprised of one man and one woman.

Meanwhile, on Civic Plaza, demonstrators rallied for marriage equality. Cora Bernal commented on the Alibi’s Facebook page: "I thank everybody who gathered, everybody who called representatives. I truly believe that nonviolent protest can change even the hardest of hearts (see history, including recent history in Egypt)."

1) Spell addressee’s name correctly. (Is there an accent over José’s “e”? One “t” or two in Bernadette? What’s the punctuation on “C. de Baca”?)

2) Ponder positive attributes. Her shapely forearms, his dainty waist, his/her curly, soft armpit hair. Her bawdy sense of humor, his firm feminism, his/her knitting prowess.

3) Put quill to page. Avoid boring words. Abandon adverbs altogether. Be specific.

4) Spellcheck.

5) Purchase fancy envelope and sealing wax. Find love interest’s address. Purchase/borrow stamps.

6) Ugh. This is too hard.

7) Seriously, can’t we just make out?

8) Is there an easier way to do this at least? Maybe even something more impressive?

9) There is!

10) Alibi love notes. Takes five minutes. Fill out the online form by noon on Wednesday, Feb. 2. Making out should commence by Thursday, Feb. 10, when the issue hits the stands all full of <3.

Remember when we used to do these back in, like, 1997? Before the interwebs gave us all free porn and music? When only birds could tweet? When cell phones were the size of a cinder block? Oh, you weren’t born yet? Well, here’s the scoop: Weekly Alibi is giving away free Love Notes to be printed (and, duh, made available online) in our Feb. 10 Valentine's issue. All you need to do is submit your message (25 words or less) by noon on February 2. Then sit back and wait for your sweetie to reciprocate.

The rules:

• Do not call the Weekly Alibi office. We never answer the phone anyway.

• Alibi Love Notes are in no way associated with the personals. (These are our personals.)

• Please do not use your beloved's last name. First names, initials and pet names (e.g. “Smootchy-kins” or “Cream-puffins”) are fine.

• This is a forum for lovers only, not haters. If you've got something nasty to say, don't waste our time. And please, no stalkers. (Stalkers, read that last line again.)

• Weekly Alibi assumes no responsibility for broken hearts, misunderstandings, false promises, STDs or unwanted pregnancies; we've got problems of our own.

• Twenty-five (25) words is the limit for each Love Note. Our computer will count for you, but it won’t spellcheck. (Hmm, is spell-check hyphenated?)

Submit your Love Notes here!