Rulz To Live By

Patricia Sauthoff [ Mon May 24 2010 12:44 PM ]

As a sometimes observer and never participant of karaoke, I may not be the most qualified person in the world to write hard and steadfast rules for the game. However, after a karaoke outing over the weekend I've got some ideas. They're not quite guidelines, they're a little more firm than that, so lets just throw spelling to the wind and call them rulez:

1. Don't pick a song whose words you don't actually know.
This seems obvious right? Sadly, it's apparently not obvious to everyone. Now, I don't mean you have to have the song absolutely memorized, but at least be able to quote the chorus without the aid of the original.

2. Know your audience.
Unless you're really, really, really good (we're talking professional opera-singer good here) stay away from the ballad. It's got sentimental value, I get it. But that's why you've got a mirror and a hairbrush. This is karaoke--we're drunk and we want to dance, please don't bum the rest of us out.

3. Remember, you are not Whitney Houston.
"I Wanna Dance With Somebody" is the only exception.

4. Get drunk.
Responsibility is important. However, if you've got plans to get on stage to rock you're going to need some liquid courage.

5. Not that drunk.
Being wasted enough to do a Billy Idol impression is great. Being wasted enough to do a Jim Morrison in New Haven is not.

Got your own rulez? Lemme know. I'm trying to build up the guts to (someday) get up there myself.

Karokelistings.com has a whole database of karoke around Albuquerque and the US (it's good to do out of town where no one knows you). Is it up to date? Probably not...

Public Comments (4)

- Nick Brown
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6. know your good keys [ Mon May 24 2010 2:22 PM ]

Belinda Carlisle and I are comfortable singing in different keys. I can't sing her songs, and she won't sing mine.
- sloppy
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Put your trust in rule #4, and damn the consequences [ Mon May 24 2010 3:00 PM ]

Don't go out of town; that's a cop out. You need to do it front of people who know you, preferably people you have to work with.
Keys schmeeze! That's another cop out. I've only tried to sing what has been sung by Bruce Dickinson, Rob Halford, and Ronnie James Dio. That doesn't mean I'm able; it's just that anything less is pointless. Aim for the impossible!
- marisa
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The best karaoke [ Mon May 24 2010 4:35 PM ]

is the worst karaoke. It's like puns.
Don't apologize. Be terrible. Be loud. Sing whatever impossible thing you want to sing. Get too drunk. Cry on stage cuz that song is about your ex. Be a mess.
Karaoke is the great equalizer.
The only rule of karaoke: Don't be good at karaoke.
- dustcircle
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add'l advice [ Wed May 26 2010 6:22 AM ]

More rules to consider:
+ If you know a regular singer does a particular song, DO NOT do this song. It'll seem too much like competition.
+ Tip your host DJ, but do not ask for favors.
+ Clap always to encourage others.
+ If a heckler/asshole determines to sing after he rudely yelled at another singer, when he/she goes onstage, don't heckle back; Go outside with your group for a smoke break. When he/she sees people leave when they sing, it'll send a message that their poor conduct isn't appreciated. Silent offenses are the best.