Sports

The Return of Major League Baseball

Or, how to have a 9-month excuse for vegetating in front of your TV with a beer and a bath robe.

“Keep your eye on the ball, honey! Eye on the...shit.”
“Keep your eye on the ball, honey! Eye on the...shit.”

Ah, spring time is finally here. Flowers a bloomin’. Birds a chirpin’. Wood’s a crackin’. Time to roll out “America’s Favorite Pastime™” from its ever-so brief hibernation.

The 2010 MLB regular season kicked off in dramatic fashion Sunday night as the Boston Red Sox hosted George Steinbrenner (who may look more like the Tales from the Crypt crypt keeper than the crypt keeper himself) and his gazillion-dollar circus New York Yankees Sunday night. The Yankees, whose payroll easily dwarfs most countries’ entire GDPs, are heavily favored to win it all again this year, fresh off their record 27th title win last season. If their “Mission: Redux” isn’t made clear enough, manager Joe Girardi wears a jersey emblazoned with the number 28 to show that his team means business, once again. What a prick.

If there’s any justice, goodness and grace left in this world, they could be challenged by strong AL East division rivals in the form of the Tampa Bay Rays and Boston Red Sox, while over in the NL, the Philadelphia Phillies are expected to head back to the big dance for the third consecutive year. Yankees vs. Phillies again? That sounds about as anticlimactic as a Dick Cheney heart attack.

For the love of Christ, is anybody willing to don the glass slippers and be this season’s Cinderella story? Young teams stacked with talent like the Colorado Rockies St. Louis Cardinals or San Francisco Giants could make a strong run at it.

Who ya got?