sports

Baseball “at bat themes” suck.

If you’re like me, you go to an average of one Isotopes game per season. If you’re even more like me, you wonder why the park can’t just let the organ player take care of business in the traditional ballpark manner. The organ is versatile, conveying tension, suspense, rapture, the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat. Can one play Take Me Out To The Ball Game on any other instrument? No, one cannot.

“Flight of the Bumblebee,” “Baby Elephant Walk,” “Greensleeves,” “Rhapsody in Blue,” “All Of Me.” These should be adequate for a night at the ballpark. Play anything you want, actually –as long as it’s on the organ. Unfortunately you should prepare yourself to be assaulted with five second blasts of Pearl Jam, Kenny Chesney, Michael Jackson and yes, The Black Eyed Peas, every time a player comes to bat. The “walk-up song” or “at-bat theme” is a plague on the game! Every time a player comes to bat, his theme is blared for a comically short time. Does this get him in the mood to play ball? Perhaps it is psychological-warfare a la Waco or the Flight of The Valkyries scene in Apocalypse Now. Makes me want to run and hide.

Maybe people recognize the players by their at-bat theme. My daughter recognized one of the Isotopes players at Wednesday’s game for one reason, not for his at-bat theme, but for his having burst into tears last season when we saw him play -you know who you are, Isotopes #7. What if one of the players’ themes was the Einsturzende Neubauten masterpiece “Yu-Gung?” Feed my Ego! Now that would make sense! On the organ.

The Isotope Stadium organ player must feel slighted, his mighty sounds stomped on by Audioslave every time # 31 comes to bat. There is respite, however. When the visiting team is at bat, all they get is the sound of the crowd, the field and the organ. (Sounds of relaxed slurping of nine dollar beer.) See the ‘Topes walk up songs here.