Planking in Albuquerque

Why lying flat as a board is the new rage

 

Planking is what all the cool kids are doing these days. What is it? Apparently you just lay face down on any surface(s), with the stipulation that your body must be stiff. As a plank. That's really about it. It's kind of like parkour on ketamine—done by a sloth.
Being purveyors of all things hip and in-the-know, several Alibi staffers decided to explore this puzzling phenomenon. One finding was that your level of plank-coreness—at least in Downtown Albuquerque—can be directly attributed to how much pigeon shit you are willing to subject your face and torso to.
When I was a kid we used to have this thing called "sunbathing." You'd lay facing the other way, on comfortable surfaces like grass and sand. Not face down. Not in pigeon shit. Kids these days.