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RSSRaw posts and updates from our writers with info too timely or uncategorizable for print. What, we said something stupid? Chime in, buddy.
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Timewaster

Val Kilmer used to own a ranch in New Mexico.

By Nick Brown [ Fri May 3 2013 4:17 PM ]

But he ate it.

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Timewaster

Paranormal Freakout: I saw a ghost.

By Nick Brown [ Fri Apr 12 2013 12:13 PM ]

This morning I saw a ghost floating up in the neighbor’s back yard. When I looked again, it was really just a painter climbing a ladder. With the face of a human skull!

".... Add a little soul to this white Christmas."

timewaster

Holiday greetings

Boring and bizarre

By Geoffrey Plant [ Mon Dec 24 2012 12:54 PM ]

Christmas is best tackled with a sense of humor. Otherwise it's a great occasion for a nervous breakdown or a stroke. I hope everyone will heed William Shatner's holiday advice. This Mennonite has a boring Christmas message (with hypnotic music) about saving the world without spending too much on postage. Here are the Christmas greeting cards you wish you'd received, and the family photos you're happy are not yours.

Rest assured your office Christmas party went better than the Bluth's party. Listen to some Neil Hamburger (w/ Canned Hamm) jokes! Enjoy the full Christmas With the Chipmunks album from 1961, or just forget the whole thing with FEAR.

Timewaster

Property of A-B Inc.

By Nick Brown [ Thu Sep 27 2012 10:52 AM ]

These black things in front of the gas station are the property of A-B Incorporated. Please do not fuck with them.

Timewaster

Happy Birthday, Mr. President!

By Sam Adams [ Sat Aug 4 2012 12:00 PM ]

While mindlessly web surfing, I came upon some ad that suggested I click on it to wish Barack Obama a happy birthday. Due to my general mistrust of web ads, I instead decided to post this as a tribute to the POTUS' 51st.

By the way, seeing as Lindsay Lohan seems to be convinced that she's the second coming of Marilyn Monroe, it's surprising she hasn't performed this yet. Then again, Marilyn had class, whereas LiLo has about the amount of class as Ke$ha at a trailer park kegger.

Wait, what was I talking about? Oh yeah, happy birthday, Mr. President!

Plant

timewaster

Sign Language

Toro Mecanico!

By Geoffrey Plant [ Thu Jun 21 2012 3:30 PM ]

The mind reels at the thought of purchasing a mechanical bull. Judging from a brief web search, mechanical bulls are still extremely popular in Mexico, where they are also manufactured by a variety of companies. Here's the John Travolta link you are looking for.

Timewaster

“Breading”

Mindlessness, continued

By Sam Adams [ Thu Feb 9 2012 2:45 PM ]

Blame it on joblessness, blame it on the country going to shit, but whatever the case, one thing is true: People are getting very bored with themselves. This has resulted in several phenomena. Planking, leisure diving and Tebowing come to mind (to name a few). Now there's something else. I'm late to the game on this one (a coworker already beat me to the punch on this topic), but apparently people are cutting out the center of bread slices and putting it on cats' heads. Fucking for real. This probably violates several animal rights laws. Anyways, here's a breading website. Jesus.

Photo by Barry Druxman[link]
Photo by Barry Druxman

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Timewaster

Weekly Alibi’s Credit Manager

By Nick Brown [ Thu Feb 2 2012 2:25 PM ]

Our credit manager is Alan Thicke. If you want credit, go to Alan Thicke.

Image from hansonews.com

Timewaster

“Not now—I’m drunk on Hanson ...”

By Wrathchild [ Mon Dec 12 2011 5:25 PM ]

As the tweenie boppers of the late ’90s began skipping the junior high dances in favor of smoking weed and watching Being John Malkovich, the tow-headed Hanson brothers faded into obscurity ... or so it seemed. The only Hanson ditty anyone remembers is the unforgivable scatty earworm that surely made Cab Calloway roll in his grave.

Unbeknownst to anyone who's had a driver's license for more than a decade, the boys have actually released 11 studio albums and received three Grammy nominations, and will soon be releasing their own beer: MMMhop.

No, really.

Isaac, Taylor and Zac are all married now with little Hanson mouths to feed, and merchandising the heck out of the family name. The brew is set for release in 2012, but will the IPA be any good? Wouldn't it be tastier and less filling to rollerskate down memory lane with a can of of your favorite suds and a gander at similar schlocky nonsense?

Plant

timewaster

Sign of the Week

By Geoffrey Plant [ Sun Oct 30 2011 3:30 PM ]

Welcome, Balloonist.

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