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“Fresh Prince” Gets Googled

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What happens when you run the lyrics to the theme song from “The Fresh Prince of Bel Air” through every language on Google Translate? Well, this. Enjoy. Apricot.

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The Feds Are Coming For Me!

I do not want to mess with this guy.
I do not want to mess with this guy.

If I don’t show up to work tomorrow, it’s because the FBI has arrested me, thrown me in jail and confiscated all my stuff. I just got an email from FBI director Robert Mueller III. The subject line of the email is as follows:

“Attn: This is to inform you that we the fbi have a warrant to arrest you if we dont hear from you immediately,this is the final warning you are going to receive from the fbi office do you get me? I hope youre understand how many times this message has been sent to you. We have warned you so many times and you have decided to ignore our e-mails we have been instructed to get you arrested immediately, and today if you fail to respond back to us with the payment then, we will close your bank account and jail you and all your properties will be confiscated by the fbi.Robert Mueller, III FB I Director”

That’s the subject line, mind you. Imagine how scary the email itself is. ... Actually, that’s all there is to the email. Huh.

By the way, if you ever need to contact the director of the FBI, his email address is hamhock3@aol.com.

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Let’s Play Global Thermonuclear War

Nukemap is a handy online app that allows you to rain some nuclear annihilation down on your hometown (or any town for that matter). Simply input the GoogleMaps location you’d like to destroy and select the historical payload you want to unleash. (Do you feel like the dainty 16-kiloton “Little Boy” or the whopping 3.3-megaton Chinese ICBM today?) Then, push the button and see if your neighborhood survives. Probably not. It’s scary and fun ... and educational too, I guess.

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Congressman Luján ditches SOPA

Rep. Luján
Rep. Luján

Last week, I tracked down comment from New Mexico’s representatives and senators on the Stop Online Piracy Act and its twin, the Protect IP Act.

Rep. Ben Ray Luján, who represents Santa Fe and northern New Mexico, was signed on as a cosponsor of SOPA. A few minutes ago, his spokesperson Andrew Stoddard sent word that Luján was no longer supporting the measure:

Online piracy is a serious issue that hurts our economy and costs us jobs in New Mexico. Counterfeit medication and contaminated drugs that are sold online endanger the health of Americans. It is clear that steps need to be taken to combat online piracy, but after further review, I have decided that I can no longer support SOPA in its current form. Over the past few weeks, I have heard from many of my constituents who agree that piracy is an issue that must be addressed yet have serious concerns with provisions in this bill. After listening to them and talking with folks in the district over the weekend, I took another hard look at the bill. While we need to take steps to address online piracy, we must also protect the unique qualities of the Internet.

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Three of five N.M. congressmen cosponsored SOPA and PIPA

In light of today’s blackouts, I hit up all of the state’s representatives and senators in Washington to get their take on the Stop Online Piracy Act and its twin, the Protect IP Act.

Meanwhile, around the country cosponsors are announcing they can no longer support the legislation. But three of New Mexico’s delegation have their names signed to the bills. Read on to find out who and why.

Sen. Jeff Bingaman
Sen. Jeff Bingaman
Sen. Jeff Bingaman (D): He’s signed on as a cosponsor of PIPA. Spokesperson Jude McCartin says that Bingaman is concerned about how intellectual property theft affects New Mexicans. In our state, she says, there’s a thriving TV and movie industry. “If ‘Breaking Bad’ is illegally downloaded from a website, that affects everyone who works on that show in New Mexico.” The cost of intellectual property infringement is $50 billion each year, “which translates to hundreds of thousands of jobs in the U.S.,” McCartin says.

There’s an existing law, she says, that allows the courts to shut down and Internet site for illegal activity, such as child pornography. But U.S. laws don’t have international reach. PIPA requires Google and other search engines to stop linking to illegal sites, she says.

Calling it “censorship of the Internet,” she notes, is shorthand and creates misunderstanding. But the bill is not without its issues, she acknowledges, and Bingaman is working to make improvements on it before it exits the Senate.

Sen. Tom Udall
Sen. Tom Udall
Sen. Tom Udall (D): He’s also a cosponsor of the act. His office has received a number of calls and emails regarding PIPA. “A free and open Internet must also be protected, and some of the concerns with this bill are legitimate,” he says. A balance must be struck between protecting American jobs and businesses from online piracy, he adds, and allowing innovation on the web to go unhindered. Udall is working to make sure the bill is amended, according to spokesperson Dan Watson.

Rep. Steve Pearce
Rep. Steve Pearce
Rep. Steve Pearce (R): Southern New Mexico’s congressman opposes the measures. “I do not believe that the proponents of SOPA and PIPA have effectively demonstrated the need for this legislation,” he says. “The administration should focus on cracking down on countries that steal our intellectual property before we pass new laws.” Pearce also supports the blackouts, and says he stands by a person’s right to speak out in disagreement with the government. The bills could tie the hands of “small-market innovators who are the real engine of our economy, especially on the web,” he adds.

Rep. Martin Heinrich
Rep. Martin Heinrich
Rep. Martin Heinrich (D): Albuquerque’s congressional representative does not support the measures. Spokesperson Whitney Potter says “he believes this legislation could have unintended consequences that would increase cybersecurity risk and inhibit American innovation.”

Rep. Ben Luján
Rep. Ben Luján
Rep. Ben Luján (D): The congressman for Santa Fe and northern New Mexico is a cosponsor of SOPA. His office has gotten a lot of calls and emails about the measure. He’s talked about it during community outreach meetings. People have visited his office to chat about it. And folks have even stopped him in the grocery store. “I am taking a close look at their concerns and will take another hard look at the legislation and its impact.”

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Thousands of websites to protest SOPA tomorrow

The good kind of sopa. Let us not allow this other suspect SOPA to tarnish its good name.
The good kind of sopa. Let us not allow this other suspect SOPA to tarnish its good name.

You’ve probably heard that Wikipedia, Reddit, Boing Boing, Mozilla, TwitPic, WordPress and others will go dark tomorrow. Politico estimates about 7,000 sites will participate in the blackout.

Google will put a button on its homepage directing users to information about Stop Online Piracy Act, the bill these Internet giants are protesting.

The BBC broke down the controversy for us.

Here’s an explanation of how SOPA and its Senate twin PIPA could affect you.

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Fake Gov. Susana Martinez, real Gov. Susana Martinez

There are two pretend guvs on Twitter.

At least, the Alibi hopes they're pretend. Because no one should outlaw Don Schrader's booty shorts. Our official editorial policy is firmly in favor of those shorts. Anonymous sources confirm: The other apparel option is nekkidness.

Susana2014 aims to offer insight into Martinez' internal world.

SusanaLaTejana writes in haiku.

In actual news, real ex-Gov. Bill Richardson is pissed at real Gov. Martinez for being disrespectful to him.

There's also a fake CoachLocksley.

And a clearly labeled FakeAbqPolice.

Know of any other satirical Twitters?

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So much free music. Be badder than bad.

Like a bumbling discoverer from centuries past, last week I stumbled on a populated continent: netlabels.org, a catalog of labels offering free mp3 downloads. You can shovel through the heap of costless audio by genre. There are 500 categories, each housing anywhere from one to 100+ labels. Those labels harbor scores of musicians and release their cuts on the web, no charge.

Now you can get intimate with even more bands than your compatriots, which is vital to reproductive success.

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Webgame Wednesday

The Picture of Dorian Gray

The Picture of Dorian Gray is a classic Gothic horror novel by Oscar Wilde. It’s also a nifty little web game. Cute little Dorian is aging at a rapid pace. You’d better solve a series of puzzles quickly, or the dude is gonna expire of old age. The title has “Chaper 1” in it, so we can assume more of these will be on their way. This one’s (very) short, but sweet.

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The Living Dead vs. The Chiclone

According to today’s top Google search terms, human beings are more concerned with zombie attacks than severe weather. That means something. Not sure what. But it means something.

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    YOU (ALBUM RELEASE)
    YOU (ALBUM RELEASE)4.24.2014