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Stuff Albuquerque Needs

Mini golf can be educational
Mini golf can be educational

I love the not-summer. It's 70-some degrees, sunny, with tiny little rain showers to cool us down. Thank you, Albuquerque.

But is Albuquerque all she can be? I think not, but let us not blame our fair Duchess (Albuquerque is definitely a woman, but that's another blog). We have a responsibility to contribute to the awesome-ification of Dona Burque. Consider, then, these suggestions:

1. More miniature golf. There are only three places to partake in my second-favorite diminutive version of sports: Putt-Putt, Golfernoggins, and Hinkle. Putt-Putt and Hinkle are boring, as there are no windmills or pirate ships or caves or anything. Just holes. And Golfernoggins scares the crap out of me, largely because its logo consists of a animated golfball, and I hate it when inanimate objects have eyes. Why are we, a place with much-touted perfect weather, not home to the best miniature golf courses in the world? How hard is it? Is it themes? Here's some: Red-Light Districts of the World, Communist Rulers, Star Warz (with a Z to avoid lawsuits). I just made all of those up. See?

2. Doughnuts. Holy shit, I love doughnuts. You know who else loves doughnuts? Everybody. Marketing solved. Unfortunately, there's only Dunkin Donuts, which tastes like candles. This is retarded.

3. Dive bars that don't show sports that I'm not afraid to go into. Many cities have what I'll call your middling dive bars: not swanky, but that rate low on the shanking-probability scale. Yes, we have some. Like three, right? So everyone goes to those three, which sucks because one of the biggest reasons to go to a divey bar is to get drunk anonymously, which is hard when you run into co-workers, former lovers, and Marty Chavez.

Exotic
Exotic

4. Russians. None of our signs are in Cyrillic. That's bullshit.

Public Comments (12)
  • You fuckin' A.  [ Wed May 27 2009 11:48 AM ]

    Testify, Edith!

  • Highland Swing  [ Wed May 27 2009 11:53 AM ]

    We used to have a really cool miniature golf course with authentic 1950s eternally-turning windmill and miniatures of New Mexico tourist destinations (allegedly designed by a Highland High student). Until 2005, that is, when it got paved over to become a generic office space because nobody running it had the smarts to attract business.

    Alibi's fairly weak coverage of the tragedy is here.

    Here's a Flickr set of this sorely-missed mini-golf masterpiece:

  • Highland Swing was poorly maintained  [ Wed May 27 2009 12:53 PM ]

    There were always leaves on the greens, which were coming apart. It had the feel of a borderline opium den/family fun destination.

  • Damn right.  [ Wed May 27 2009 1:08 PM ]

    We need more dive bars. Corner bars too. Why can't I just go down the street and get a low-key night cap in a little bar with a juke box? Why is because the city and neighborhood associations won't let people open new bars, so we're stuck with mostly booty bars, rock dives, weird heights sports bars like Doc & Eddy's, and faux upscale bullshit sprinkled about.

  • AH-HAHAHA!!!  [ Wed May 27 2009 2:37 PM ]

    Dude, you are so getting my vote in the next mayoral election!

  • Highland Swing's problems  [ Wed May 27 2009 3:05 PM ]

    There were always leaves on the greens, which were coming apart. It had the feel of a borderline opium den/family fun destination.

    See? It's people like you who went off to the mall because Highland Swing looked too sleazy who helped bury it. A pox on you!

    True, I would usually go there both drunk and stoned, but that's no different than how I come to work.

  • I almost forgot  [ Wed May 27 2009 3:41 PM ]

    ... that back in the early 90s, NuCity (now the Weekly Alibi) sponsored some kind of combination Tecate-drinking contest and golf tournament at Highland Swing.

  • Jerry  [ Wed May 27 2009 3:50 PM ]

    now you're just taunting us.

  • russian donuts  [ Wed May 27 2009 3:53 PM ]

    How about a a Russian themed mini golf course with a dive bar and donuts? I think that may be called Heaven.

  • I didn't want to blow  [ Wed May 27 2009 3:59 PM ]

    everyone's mind by coming right out with it, Sven, but you're absolutely right. God knows I'd like to sink a ball into a hole located in the ice pick wound in Trotsky's head while drinking an Irish Car Bomb, followed by fritters. Damn you, Albuquerque!

  • Lady Lumps.  [ Wed May 27 2009 4:00 PM ]

    Golf Course.

  • Doughnuts.  [ Wed Jun 3 2009 7:20 AM ]

    for a good Doughnut its time to brave the tasty little dive bakery that moved into the old Wolfs Bagles location on lomas, 'La Dolce Vita Bakeryā€ˇ' 4300 Lomas Blvd

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