All sweetners are NOT created Equal

someone got paid to write these

First there was Taco Bell sauce psychology (see really old post!) and now we have another corporate nit wit with nothing to do. So how competitive is the artificial sweetner market that their packets are printed with "use me" motivations? Here is my top ten of "use me" motivations (Hey Merisant, send my check to the alibi office!):

#10 If you are bored read this packet
#9 Screw you yellow packets!
#8 Pink packets are for pussies!
#7 Bitter aftertaste with no calories
#6 Contains PHENYLALANINE (can you pronounce it?)
#5 Causes cancer in mice
#4 I'm blue if you don't use me
#3 Writer looking for new job, call me
#2 Contains cocaine

and the number one new phrase for the Equal packet...
(drum roll Paul)

KEEPS THE FAT OFF YOUR ASS!

Collect all 12 next time you are in a crappy restaurant like Applebees and your spouse is too busy playing tick-tac-toe with your kid to care that you are sitting there reading these stupid packets.