Grapples!

What nature intended apples to be if nature was really into the bionic man

The only thing sweeter than a Grapple is the sweet thighs of this apple.
The only thing sweeter than a Grapple is the sweet thighs of this apple.

Finally, somebody has figured out how to replace the offensive natural relish of the apple, or “tree potato,” with the flavor of everybody’s least favorite type of Hubba Bubba--Concord grape. If I had a Grapple for every time I bit into an apple and said 'Ug…too apple-y, what is this? Some sort of apple?,' I’d be a man with a pantsfull of my new favorite fruits: Grapples (rhymes with “staple” not “Snapple,” the “a” is long, just like the aftertaste).

A sketchy carton of Grapples at sketchy Smith's.
A sketchy carton of Grapples at sketchy Smith's.
MC

According to the official Grapple website, the Grapple starts as a useless Washington Extra Fancy Fuji apple that is then infused, in a patent pending process, with the mouthwatering taste of Concord grape flavor. What you end up with is a fruit-food that has made the great step from the fanciful land of magic and dreams to our realm of the real, just like the flying car and the ligar.

The Grapple motto is “Looks like an apple. Tastes like a grape.” However this doesn’t quite capture the experience the consumer will have when biting into this sweet and juicy snack alternative. How about one of these instead:

The new Grapple: “Turn your taste “buds” into your taste friends-for-life.”

OR

The new Grapple: “How can something so tasteless be so delicious?”

OR

The new Grapple: “Who just shat in my mouth and called it an apple?”

Enjoy!