Crap-nology

Pictured are my parents, laughing at my incompetence.
Pictured are my parents, laughing at my incompetence.

Recently, after a year and a half of faithful and flawless performance, my cell phone began to show some significant signs of old age. Mainly it lost its hearing, or rather, I couldn't hear anybody who called me. So, instead of trying to fix the embarrassingly out-of-date dinosaur, I purchased a new soon to be out-of-date POS. A Samsung t629, with Bluetooth technology, a 1.3 mega pixel camera, a game called Bobby Carrot and an incredibly annoying habit of finishing any word I try to write. Its called "predictive texting" and I can't figure out how to turn it off. My last model simply had the option, but this one does not. Texting has now changed from a time saving device of quick communication, to a study on how to find an alternate way of expressing myself without sounding like a heartless robot. Composing the word "no" is not an option, the phone assumes I mean to write "on." So instead, I need to come up with phrases like "I did not," "not today" and "how about an alternative option." And because a question mark or exclamation point are nowhere to be found, my questions sound like strange demands: "You want to get drunk with me this afternoon." And trying to feign excitement for somebody reveals my true feelings: "I'm glad you're pregnant."

Now, 2 weeks later, I've had to adapt and learn. Through trial and error I've learned many of the ins and outs, but still, no matter how much I try, I cannot write the names of all of Santa's reindeer. Here goes: Easier, Dances, Prancer, Thyem, Comet, Bushe, Doomes, and Blitwen. And of course Stemlsi the Red Nosed Reindeer.