Alibi V.22 No.6 • Feb 7-13, 2013

feature

Weekly Alibi’s First Ever Sex Survey

Are bicycles sexy? I don't think so, and we were fairly careful not to ask about bicycles when we developed our First Ever Sex Survey. That notwithstanding, bicycles came up … along with graveyards, pancakes, rimming and other seemingly endless whatnots in the mountainous avalanche of data our survey produced. And cars. It seems like lots of people in Albuquerque are having sex in cars, so pay attention, and lock up next time you're in the parking garage.

Nearly 1,500 people responded to our survey. Who were these people? Let's consult the pie charts.

What did we learn? I'll leave that to our panel of experts.

Sexy Body Parts, Turn-Offs and More

If Albuquerque were a man, he would be an ass man. Based on the results from the sex survey, it was the highest reported sexiest body part. But don’t worry if you’re wishing you had more junk in the trunk, the second-highest rated sexiest body part were the windows to your soul.

My secret turn-on is …

The results are in, and it comes as no surprise that the Duke is one kinky city. The purpose of sex has evolved for many into a recreational activity, rather than a species-perpetuating endeavor. Note that, of the 800+ answers, not a single response included “procreation.” Instead, we see a varied, colorful list of hedonistic sensory indulgences, elaborate fantasies, yearnings for specific body parts, items of clothing, bodily fluids, and appetites for complicated sex acts that would challenge even the most adept multi-tasker.

My sexiest experience ever was ...

While reviewing the results from the Alibi's first sex survey, I was delighted to see that many of our neighbors play very well with others. Within the confines of relationships and randomness of delightful happenstance, friends are hooking up with friends, couples with couples and sometimes just inviting others to watch. In addition to these delightful tromps into the land of non-monogamy, my heart was warmed by the dozens of contributions that gush about partners, husbands, wives and every combination therein.

Albuquerque’s Sexiest Staff

I once heard it said from a very wise man in the restaurant industry that "men go where the women are—and women go where the bathrooms are clean."

Celebrity Sex

Call it “The List,” call it a “hall pass,” slap whatever name on it you like: Even the most committed couples can make concessions for their partners sleeping with other people. So long as those other people are celebrities. The thinking is twofold. Firstly, long-term relationship or not, you’d be a fool to pass up an opportunity to manhandle People Magazine's “Sexiest Man Alive.” Secondly, your odds of meeting, seducing and actually closing the deal with a famous person are slim-to-none—so what’s the harm in a little fantasy fling?

Sexy Albuquerque Fun Facts

53.4% of us never engage in cyber sex, 80.8% of us like to talk dirty, 74.3% of us have made out with a stranger—and other fascinating stats.

Fifty Shades of Yellow

BDSM Tips for Newbies

The rampant popularity of E.L. James’ Fifty Shades of Grey has moved BDSM and fetishism from taboo to mainstream. However, the fetish community had a fairly negative reaction to this book for multiple reasons. Aside from painting the community in a negative light, the book conveys the grave misconception that any goober in possession of necktie can magically become a dungeon master overnight. The reality is that BDSM, a compound acronym for Bondage, Discipline, Dominance/submission, and Sadomasochism, is very much a delicate art form and can be potentially dangerous without the proper protocol and precautions. Here are a few tips for those adventurous lovers hoping to expand their horizons this Valentine's.

Non-Monogamy 101

Curious about consensual non-monogamy? Well, you've come to the right place. In a world where there is open communication and negotiation no one has to cheat, and the likelihood of having your needs met (and even your fantasies and desires) is very high. We're going to cover the basics, and if that whets your appetite or peaks your interest, we'll include some easy ways to find out more.

Sex Tips from the Alibi Survey

Now that the cat is out of the bag, what are you going to do with the information? Learning about sex can be intimidating, but it doesn’t have to be. Self Serve is Albuquerque’s Best Sexy Shop, as voted by Alibi readers, and can offer an alternative to the old-school sex shop. Now that you have some of the intimate details of your fellow Albuquerqueans, you can proceed with confidence and dive into your fantasies head first. Here are some of our tips based on the survey results, but feel free to check us out online for more info at selfservetoys.com

Graphic Graphs

We had more sexy graphs that we could fit in print!

Three really is the lucky number according to survey takers. The third date was the most common answer for number of dates before you get physical with a lucky friend. But don’t worry, second and first dates were the next most popular times to break out the condoms and lube.

art

Berman's Quixotic View of the Gila Wilderness on Display at 516 Arts

The Gila Wilderness unfurls from the northernmost point of Silver City for miles, untouched and untamed. Along with the Aldo Leopold Wilderness and the Blue Mesa Wilderness, the Gila forms the almost three million acres of the Gila National Forest. A haven to Ponderosa pines, a coursing river and native fauna, the Gila Wilderness has been unmarred by human touch since it was declared the country's first wilderness area in 1924. There are no roads, no paths—even bikes are prohibited in the undeveloped wilds of the Gila.

news

film

The Rabbi’s Cat

Arabesque animated fable offers a feline’s take on Middle Eastern religion

From the very first frames, viewers can tell the adult-oriented French cartoon The Rabbi’s Cat is going to feature some lovely, bright animation and an exotic setting. That’s almost but not quite enough to leaven a muddled story that requires a bit too much contemplation. The film is based on the work of French comic book artist Joann Sfar, who wrote and directed the lavishly animated, mostly successful biopic Gainsbourg: A Heroic Life. Sfar co-writes and co-directs The Rabbi’s Cat, ensuring the artist’s vision is, for better or worse, fully preserved.

Reel World

The Sun Never Sets, a documentary about a weekly paper in Española, N.M., plays Saturday, Feb. 9, at Guild Cinema. Albuquerque Film Club hosts their next screening Sunday, Feb. 10, at 2 p.m. Word is that Oscar host Seth MacFarlane (creator of “Family Guy”) will be shooting his next feature film (following the mega-successful Ted) right here in New Mexico.

Bowled Over

Best & Worst Super Bowl Commercials

A blackout, an army of Beyoncés and an intentional safety: Super Bowl XLVII may have been the first Super Bowl in a long time that was more interesting than the multi-million-dollar commercials surrounding it. In fact, this year’s ads weren’t a very standout collection, consisting of mostly rehashed and underwhelming entries. What’s the point of spending millions on a 30-second spot if people aren’t going to be buzzing about it the next day?

music

Music to Your Ears

Sate your cravings for alt.country/gothabilly, rarefied postmodern composition and hip-hop with a little help from Music to Your Ears.

Sonic Reducer

This week, we listened to new releases from Sharon Needles, The Joy Formidable and Ancient VVisdom.

food

Eat Your Greens

Vinaigrette knows how to dress a salad

Vinaigrette is a refreshing change from the mix of mostly New Mexican, Asian, and pizza places that dot Downtown and Old Town Albuquerque.

Alibi V.22 No.5 • Jan 31-Feb 6, 2013

Don't Let the Bedbugs Bite

The bedbug may be the best known—and feared—pest in the country beside the cockroach. The media commonly reports that they're growing in numbers and spreading across the country. In reality, they've always been around and always will be.

news

music

Resonating at a Higher Frequency

Hector Peña crafts conduits for mojo

Geoffrey Plant reports on maker and musician Hector Peña’s passion for creating useful art and a movement to get the Southwest inducted into Cigar Box Nation.

Music to Your Ears

Whether you’re in the mood for vintage Louisiana dance tracks and Northern soul, a funk-rock-punk-ska amalgam and reggae or witchy psych-folk, Music to Your Ears has you covered.

food

Secret No More

B2B Bistronomy arrives in Nob Hill

Nestled into half of the space formerly occupied by now-defunct Vivace, Bistronomy B2B is a small restaurant that specializes in burgers and beer (that’s what the B2B stands for), as well as salads and mixed drinks. Inside, a square bar dominates the dining area. Behind it, a wall of 33 taps pump out an assortment of local microbrews—Marble, Chama River, Turtle Mountain, etc. Bistronomy is yet another proponent of the locavore trend, so the beer and food both call Albuquerque home.

film

Warm Bodies

Dead guy stalks cute girl in conventionally quirky zombie romance

“Cute” is not a word that can be applied to a lot of zombie movies, but it’s the most apt description available for Warm Bodies, a PG-13 undead romance from indie writer-director Jonathan Levine. Levine has spent the last few years making almost-but-not-quite cult films like All the Boys Love Mandy Lane, The Wackness and 50/50. Warm Bodies follows in that tradition, a likable but imperfect black comedy that will find moderate box office success while infecting a handful of loyal fans.

Reel World

Former Albuquerque television sportscaster Charlie Minn comes into town this weekend to lead an intense seminar and interactive workshop at the Digital Arts and Technology Academy (1101 Lamberton Place NE). On Tuesday, Feb. 5, starting at 6:30 p.m., producer and director Donna Wells and Corrales horse photographer Lynne Pomeranz will present their film “She Had Some Horses” at the Esther Bone Memorial Library.

Once Bitten

“The Taste” on ABC

ABC’s new cooking competition “The Taste” promises—repeatedly, it must be noted—to be a cooking competition “unlike any you’ve ever seen.” This is a completely accurate description—but only if you’ve never seen a food-based show before. For the rest of us, it’s a totally generic, frustratingly unsatisfying taster menu of refried ideas.

art

Good in the Kitchen

Changing Attitudes Towards Femininity Showcased in Tamarind Exhibition

In Good in the Kitchen, curator John Mulvaney explores the ways in which societal changes in the mid to late 20th century have reshaped the production of contemporary art. Specifically, the exhibition addresses how both men and women portray ideas about domesticity in a post-feminist environment. 

Alibi V.22 No.4 • Jan 24-30, 2013

The Art of the Narrative @ The Stranger Factory

In the spirit of comic book craze, the Stranger Factory hosted a one-time exhibition curated by Jimmy Palmiotti featuring the art of well known comic book aficionados like Gilbert Hernandez (”Love and Rockets”), Amanda Conner (”Power Girl”), Geoff Darrow (”Shaolin Cowboy”) and many others.

feature

Crazy for Pétanque!

New Mexico’s learning a new game.

You need balls of steel to play this game, but don’t let that stop you.

Hey superfreak, it’s the Alibi’s first ever sex survey!

Help us map the love-scape of Albuquerque with your totally anonymous responses

So, I've been meaning to ask you this for a while now: How many dates do you usually go on before having sex? Too personal? That's OK, I won't tell. But have you ever made out with a stranger? What about talking dirty? I mean, you look the type. I'm pretty sure you're down with sex toys, aren't you? No? Well, that's surprising, considering your libertine attitude in other areas. I've got a few other questions, but I guess we should stop beating around the (ahem) bush and (ahem) plunge right in to the Alibi's first ever Sex Survey. Wait, let's make that FIRST EVER SEX SURVEY!!! It's fast, cheap and anonymous, just like your last booty call. Or was that my last booty call? I can't keep it all straight.

news

Bruise Brothers

Last Thursday, members of the local media were invited to the Jackson/Winkeljohn Mixed Martial Arts academy in honor of three team members who will be compete for the UFC on Jan. 26 in Chicago. Jesus-haired Clay “The Carpenter” Guida will make his Featherweight (145 lb) debut against Japanese star Hatsu Hioki. Then, in a lightweight (155 lb) bout with important title implications, Donald “Cowboy” Cerrone will face Anthony Pettis. Headlining the card will be Albuquerque native John “The Magician” Dodson, who battles Demetrius Johnson for the UFC’s Flyweight (125 lb) title.

food

Crafting Community

La Cumbre Brewery’s Jeff Erway talks about the camaraderie in Albuquerque’s microbrew scene

Community is a tricky thing. You have to balance a little of this with a little of that to make it work. Beer helps, of course, so it may not come as a surprise to learn that many of the makers of your favorite local beers know each other. In fact many of them learned their trade together and have remained friends even as they've established competing businesses. Jeff Erway, president of La Cumbre Brewing Company, sat down with me at his taproom recently and talked about this camaraderie among brewers. “It's the nature of our industry,” he says. “We as brewers aren't trying to beat each other. Them being successful is a success for me.”

The Bitter Taste of Success

Mixologists have long had a secret behind their bars that most casual drinkers aren’t aware of: small bottles of cocktail bitters. Bitters are intensely aromatic combinations of herbs and spices which give unique flavor profiles to mixed drinks, and they’ve been an important part of cocktail culture since its beginning. In fact, the earliest written definition of a cocktail, from back in 1806, was “a stimulating liquor, composed of spirits … sugar, water, and bitters.” You only add a few drops of bitters to a drink, but Bill York, son of a Santa Fe chef, is betting his business on them.

film

Sundance Goes Under the Sea

“Coral: Rekindling Venus” at the New Mexico Museum of Natural History

The world-famous Sundance Film Festival takes over Park City, Utah, Jan. 17 through 27. Drive fast, and you can still catch the tail end. Most years, though, the average person has no chance of seeing any of the films being screened in this rarified setting. Movie houses are jam-packed with celebrity guests and studio executives looking for the next indie hit. That leaves little room for average Joes. But this year, you’ve got a chance to see a Sundance premiere. And you don’t even have to go to Utah to catch it.

Reel World

UNM’s Rodey Hall premieres the award-winning documentary feature Bicycle Dreams this Thursday, Jan. 24. Starting at 7 p.m. Professional, New Mexico-based stuntman Kurly Tlapoyawa—who appears in the just-released Arnold Schwarzenegger movie The Last Stand —will be teaching a “Film Fighter Stunt Workshop” on Saturday, Jan. 26. The 11th season of “Project Runway” gets underway this Thursday, Jan. 24 on the Lifetime Network. KNME is continuing its Community Cinema series Wednesday, Jan. 30 with a free screening of Soul Food Junkies at the KiMo Theatre from 7 to 9 p.m.

Shoot to Thrill

“Banshee” on Showtime

Cinemax attempts to horn in on the original series sweepstakes with its new attention-grabbing series.

music

¡Viva Hyperbole!

Acoustics of a social experiment

Musician and writer Jim Phillips pushes a stroller and braves a bar to bring you the scoop on the Super Awesome Acoustic Show.

December

Author and audiophile Mike Smith shares his December experiences with live music and love-at-first-sight.

Sonic Reducer

This week, we listened to new releases from Christopher Owens, Feast of the Epiphany and Antoni Maiovvi.