“Smallville” (KWBQ-19 7 p.m.) After all the ribbing poor Aquaman has taken on HBO's “Entourage” this season, I don't think I can watch “Smallville”'s take on the character without chuckling. ... Of course, since it's on WB, you know he's gonna be hunky.
“The Apprentice” (KOB-4 8 p.m.) Tonight, “each team designs a float to promote a new science fiction adventure film.” ... Yeah, these kids are gonna storm the business world with their prom committee-like skills.
“Mysteries of the Smithsonian” (Travel Channel 8 p.m.) It's the perfect season to dig into the back rooms and forgotten filing cabinets of America's museum looking for the mysterious and the macabre.
“MLB Playoffs” (KASA-2 5:30 p.m.) It's World Series time. Place your bets. Gambling makes it fun.
Batman vs. Dracula (Cartoon Network 6 p.m.) Finally! After all these years, this new animated feature has a chance of settling that running argument I started during fourth grade recess. ... Batman in four rounds, says I.
Sherlock Holmes and the Case of the Silk Stocking (KNME-5 8 p.m.) The 35th season of PBS' “Mystery” kicks off in grand style with this highly polished Sherlock Holmes film starring the pitch-perfect Rupert Everett (The Importance of Being Earnest, My Best Friend's Wedding) as the world's most famous consulting detective.
“I Love the '80s: 3-D” (VH1 7 p.m.) The '80s are back. And they're in 3-freakin'-D. You don't know the meaning of the word “horror” until you've seen a Monchichi in 3-D!
Human Trafficking (Lifetime 7 p.m.) This two-night mini-series looks into the titular crime with stars like Mira Sorvino, Donald Sutherland and Robert Carlyle taking on the roles of victims, rescuers and sex traffickers. Guess which one of those categories Carlyle (Begbie from Trainspotting) fits into.
“Prison Break” (KASA-2 8 p.m.) After a couple of weeks' rest, Mr. Burrows is back to digging his way out of prison. ... Hey, I just got the “Mr. Burrows” pun.
“Loretta Lynn's Haunted Plantation” (Travel Channel 9 p.m) Add the words “and Truck Stop” to the end of that, and I guarantee I'm stopping by on my next trip through Tennessee.
“It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown” (KOAT-7 7 p.m.) It's officially Halloween season, Charlie Brown.
Santa's Slay (Spike TV 7 p.m.) Pro wrestler Bill Goldberg stars as Santa Claus, who as it turns out is actually a demon forced into giving out toys as part of a bet with an angel. When the bet is off, he returns to his evil ways. Seems they could have waited a month or two to air this seasonal horror spoof.
“Over There” (FX 11 p.m.) Fox's Gulf War series comes to an end. Unlike, you know, the real war.