“Killer Jellyfish” (Discovery 7 p.m.) I'm not as amazed by the fact that there are jellyfish in the oceans that can kill you as I am by the fact that Sci-Fi Channel hasn't made a movie about it.
My Neighbor Totoro (TCM 6 p.m.) Every Thursday in January, TCM is featuring the work of Japanese master animator Hayao Miyazaki. Tonight kicks off with my personal fave, the charming kids' film My Neighbor Totoro. It's followed at 7:30 p.m. by the “Terry and the Pirates”-esque adventure Porco Rosso (about a World War I fighter pilot turned into a pig). At 9 p.m., it's the romantic drama Whisper of the Heart. Watch them all. You'll be glad you did.
“John Doe” (Sci-Fi 5 p.m.) Sci-Fi takes over airing FOX's long-canceled cult series about a genius amnesiac who solves crimes. Unfortunately, the show ended before the source of the protagonist's otherworldly knowledge was revealed, so don't tune in expecting closure.
“After Midnight: Las Vegas” (Food Network 8 p.m.) This foodie special tells you the best places to nab a nosh in late-night Las Vegas. And, as everybody knows, the prices on prime rib drop precipitously after the clocks strikes 10 p.m.
“2006 Miss America Pageant” (CMT 9 p.m.) How little do Americans now care about the Miss America Pageant? Well, it's being broadcast this year on Country Music Television.
“NFC Championship Playoffs” (KASA-2 4:30 p.m.) Who's gonna be in the Super Bowl? Well, this will decide one of the teams, anyway.
“Inside the Actor's Studio” (Bravo 7 p.m.) Tonight's guest: Martin Lawrence. “So, Mr. Lawrence, what principals of the Stanislavsky method of acting did you apply to your role in Big Momma's House 2?” ... Wanna know why this season of “Inside the Actor's Studio” sucks donkey balls (sample guests: Rosie O'Donnell, Queen Latifah, Elton John, Barbara Walters)? It's because the Actor's Studio Drama School went bankrupt and the show is no longer associated with New School University. Hence, we're faced with the award-winning acting talents of Barbara Walters, whose résumé consists of ... let's see ... playing “Mrs. Frazier” in a 1975 episode of “Maude.”
“Elvis Birthday Cakes” (Food Network 7 p.m.) Pastry chefs from around the country compete for a $10,000 prize for decorating birthday cakes in The King's honor. Mr. Presley would be proud.
“Courting Alex” (KRQE-13 8:30 p.m.) Jenna Elfman does a “Dharma & Greg” 180, returning to TV as a workaholic lawyer trying to balance a career and a personal life.
Hood Rat (Sci-Fi 9 p.m.) It's a hip-hop horror movie starring Ice-T as a landlord battling a killer rat invasion. I'm laughing already.
“Jamie Foxx: Unpredictable” (KOB-4 7 p.m.) Talented actor Jamie Foxx milks his short-lived career as a mediocre R&B singer by performing cuts from his new album. Perhaps he'll be joined by Eddie Murphy, Don Johnson and Bruce Willis, who will all perform cuts from their respective albums.