Also see “Idiot Box.”
“The Capital One Bowl” (KOAT-7 11 a.m.) Watch football, use your credit card.
“The Rose Bowl Presented by Citi” (KOAT-7 3 p.m.) Watch football, get a home loan.
“The Allstate Sugar Bowl” (KASA-2 6:30 p.m.) Watch football, buy insurance.
“Better Off Ted” (KOAT-7 7:30 p.m.) This is the time of year that the networks say, Screw the schedule!, and start throwing shows on whatever night has a hole in it. Here, for example, is a new episode of Tuesday night’s “Better Off Ted,” which you would be sorry if you missed.
“HGTV Dream Home 2010 in Sandia Park, New Mexico” (HGTV 7 p.m.) Find out who our new neighbor is in tonight’s giveaway.
“AT&T Cotton Bowl” (KASA-2 noon) Watch football, call someone on your cell phone.
“Doctor Who: The End of Time, Part Two” (BBC America 6:30 p.m.) Or “Doctor Who: The End of David Tennant’s Awesome Run.” Matt Whatsyername, you’ve got a lot to live up to.
“Demons: They Bite” (BBC America 8 p.m.) England gifts us with its newest sci-fi/supernatural series. This one’s about a teenager who finds out he’s the last Van Helsing and must now dedicate his life to wiping out monsters. Apparently, it’s got a pretty heavy “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” vibe. But that’s OK. We like “Buffy the Vampire Slayer.”
“Frank the Entertainer” (VH1 6 p.m.) Frank “The Entertainer” Maresca, star of VH1’s “I Love New York 2,” “I Love Money” and “I Love Money 2,” gets his own reality dating show. I’m not shocked: Everyone who appears on MTV or VH1 is contractually obligated to helm his or her own dating show. I’m just wondering why Beavis & Butt-head haven’t been given a dating show yet.
“Iron Chef America: Super Chef Battle” (Food Network 6 p.m.) I’m picturing nuclear-powered chefs cooking lasagna with their hands, flying assistants winging ingredients across the arena at super-speed and mystical ninjas leaping through the air to attack their culinary rivals. ... I’m going to be disappointed, aren’t I?
“Tostitos Fiesta Bowl” (KASA-2 6:15 p.m.) Watch Football, eat some Tostitos. ... OK, at least that one makes sense.
“Conveyor Belt of Love” (KOAT-7 9:02 p.m.) And you thought VH1 was good at reducing dating to a skanky, exploitative enterprise? Here, ABC rips the protective coating off a one-hour special that demeans prospective bachelors and bachelorettes by essentially turning them into prepackaged meat on a rotating conveyor belt.
“FedEx Orange Bowl” (KASA-2 6:15 p.m.) Watch football, mail something.
“I Get That A Lot” (KRQE-13 7 p.m.) Ew. CBS returns with this awful hidden camera prank show in which celebrities (Julie Chen, Paris Hilton, Snoop Dogg, Rachel Ray, Tony Hawk) pretend not to be celebrities, but ordinary schnooks like you and me—which, of course, they aren’t. The joke’s on us!
“The 36th Annual People’s Choice Awards” (KRQE-13 8 p.m.) Continuing proof that “people” have awful taste. Expect lots of awards for stuff like G-Force and “Two and a Half Men.”