“Bones” (FOX 7 p.m.) FOX’s hit show airs its 100th episode of solving bizarrely intricate crimes and engaging in flirty sexual banter with the crime-solving partner you never quite get around to sleeping with.
“Private Chefs of Beverly Hills” (Food Network 8 p.m.) Oh, good. Another opportunity to show how crazy and annoying rich people are. Like catering an expensive brunch for their dogs.
“The Message” (TLC 8 p.m.) Each week, a different person gets an opportunity to send a message to someone he or she has been searching for. So, basically, it’s an hour-long, weekly version of Facebook?
“Gator 911” (CMT 10 p.m.) So, is this new docu-reality show about police emergencies that somehow exclusively involve alligators, or is it a show about pet gators who are in need of assistance? Given that it’s on Country Music Television, it could be either.
The Awkward Comedy Show (Comedy Central 1 a.m.) A documentary / standup special about nerdy African-American comedians? Talk about your rare demographics. Heck, the token black guy in Revenge of the Nerds wasn’t even technically a nerd. He was gay. ... Wait. Is Urkel involved in this?
Mega Piranha (SyFy 7 p.m.) Oh, SyFy Channel. Is there no scary noun you can’t put the word “Mega” in front of? (Mega Snake, Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus. Mega Fault.) What’s that? This one also stars former pop idol Tiffany and former “Brady Bunch”er Barry Williams? Mega awesome, I say!
“Saturday Night Live” (KOB-4 10:30 p.m.) Tonight’s musical guest is Justin Bieber. Is he even allowed to stay up this late?
“What Chilli Wants” (VH1 8:30 p.m.) That would be Rozonda “Chilli” Thomas from TLC. And apparently, what Chilli wants is a reality dating show just like every other washed-up star in Hollywood.
“Treme” (HBO 8 p.m.) This new HBO drama is set three months after Hurricane Katrina and takes place in one of New Orleans’ most storied neighborhoods. Steve Zahn, Rob Brown, Melissa Leo, Khandi Alexander, Kim Dickens and John Goodman are among the neighbors trying to pick up the pieces.
“Romantically Challenged” (KOAT-7 8:30 p.m.) “Who’s the Boss” cutie Alyssa Milano returns to TV as a recently divorced mom looking for love with the help of three friends. All is right with the world.
“Glee” (KASA-2 8:28 p.m.) Broadway baby Idina Menzel guest stars on the spring season premiere of FOX’s musical hit.
“Deadliest Catch” (Discovery 7 p.m.) New season, same old crab.
“Ugly Betty” (KOAT-7 9 p.m.) Betty goes bye-bye after four seasons of poor fashion choices and bad time slots.
“South Park” (Comedy Central 11 p.m.) On tonight’s epic 200th episode, creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone promise the return of every single “guest star” who’s ever been pissed off at the show. Hmmm. Michael Jackson, Paris Hilton, David Blaine, Tom Cruise, R. Kelly ... the list is so long.