http://alibi.com/blog/33761/article.html
Pets

Free cat to bad home

My cat knows I’m an insomniac and she thinks it’s funny

She sees me when I’m sleeping. She knows when I”m awake.
John Bear
She sees me when I’m sleeping. She knows when I”m awake.

It’s been nearly three days since I last slept. Or has it been four?

In either case, my cat is a jerk.

I’ve probably complained about her before.

This is my second week working on staff at the illustrious Weekly Alibi. The first week, I was deathly ill. That’s just my luck.

This week, I have been, without fail, stirred from restless sleep by the pitter patter of clawed paws raking my face. There is also the whiskers-in-the-nose face rub and the dreaded nose bite.

The cat also bites my feet and howls like a banshee if I stall.

She eats breakfast at 3:30 a.m. I will feed her. She demands it. She apparently eats again at 6:30 a.m. and meaningless torture commences at 7:30 a.m. I am usually crying by 8 a.m.

I have taken to flinging her from the bed, hoping that the threat of bodily injury will spark some sort of survival instinct in the reptilian brain of hers. I usually feel guilty about this. I don’t actually want to hurt the kitty as I am a 250 pound galoot; I only want sleep, precious, little sleep.