Week in Sloth

The Week in Sloth

“Wipeout” (KOAT-7 7 p.m.) It’s “family night” on ABC’s wacky-violent game show. And you know what that means. Yup, network-television-sanctioned child abuse! Or as the show’s episode title waggishly puts it, “Kids Eat It for Free.”

“Hall of Game” (Cartoon Network 8 p.m.) In a move that puts them a step closer to becoming some other network (I’m thinking ESPN Kidz!), Cartoon Network airs its first-ever professional sports award show. Tony Hawk hosts. Cartoon Network, Tony Hawk and an award for Most Awesome Mascot? Seriously, why are the Grammys and the Oscars getting all the attention this month?

“Camelot” (Starz 9:05 p.m.) Starz applies the same “flesh + blood” formula used in “Spartacus” to sexy up the myth of King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table. Jamie Campbell Bower (Twilight: New Moon) is Arthur. Joseph Fiennes (Shakespeare in Love) is Merlin. Eva Green (Casino Royale) is Morgan. ... Sounds like fun, but don’t you think the whole Camelot thing has been reworked to death at this point?

Area 51 (Syfy 7 p.m.) It took Syfy this long to get around to making a bad movie about Area 51? I’m kinda shocked.

“The 2011 Independent Spirit Awards” (IFC 8 p.m.) The cool-kid Oscars scores Joel McHale as host.

“Oscar’s Red Carpet Live” (KOAT-7 5 p.m.) Absolutely, the Oscars are important. But it’s the red carpet arrivals that matter most. Who cares if you win or not? More importantly, who were you wearing?

“Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations” (Travel 7 p.m.) Anthony Bourdain starts off his seventh season in Haiti. Must be nice. I’ve been working at this paper for, like, 18 seasons, and they’ve never once sent me to a beach in the tropics.

“Fashion Police: The 2011 Oscars” (E! 11 p.m.) This won’t be as high-spirited as the Grammy Awards deconstruction from earlier this month. (I doubt, for example, Nicole Kidman will be emerging from a giant egg on the red carpet.) Still, this is the proper way to decompress from all that Hollywood self-congratulation: by allowing Joan Rivers to bag on stars who look awful in $60,000 dresses.

True Grit (AMC 6 p.m.) Regardless of whether the Coen brothers’ remake wins an Oscar on Sunday night, AMC is airing the 1969 original tonight. Watching it, you’ll notice two things: How surprisingly faithful the remake is and how freaking slow the original was. Also, Glen Campbell is not a good actor.

“Cuff Me If You Can” (ID 8 p.m.) Sadly, not a docu-reality show about S and M fanatics, but a re-enactment show about resourceful criminals who go on the run from law enforcement.

“Car Science” (Speed 8 p.m.) Speed Channel’s “MythBusters for Car Nuts” examines such automotive puzzlers as: how to execute a high-speed 180-degree turn, what’s the best way to eat while driving, and is it possible to actually stop on a dime?