“50 Super Epic TV Moments” (E! 10 p.m.) Are we talking when man walked on the moon epic, when Joanie married Chachi epic or that time some rich housewife slapped some other rich housewife on some reality show epic? I'm guessing the latter.
“Ugly Americans” (Comedy Central 11:30 p.m.) CC's hilarious cartoon series returns for a second, well-deserved season. This one can get raunchy with the best of ’em, but the secret to its success lies in its sincere main character, nice-guy social worker Mark Lilly, who just wants to help his unusual clients (zombies, vampires, space aliens, talking koala bears) adjust to life in New York City. And maybe hang out on the couch watching a romantic comedy with his hot girlfriend. Who happens to be a soul-sucking demoness. Poor Mark.
“Bucket & Skinner's Epic Adventures” (Nickelodeon 6 p.m.) Between this and “50 Super Epic TV Moments,” it looks like “epic” is the TV word of the week. For what it’s worth, Nick's newest tween sitcom chronicles the adventures of two surf bums looking for tasty waves.
Frankenstein 1970 (TCM 12:45 a.m.) This ill-regarded 1958 Z-grader takes us to the far-flung future of 1970. There, the impoverished grandson of Baron von Frankenstein (Boris Karloff) rents out his castle to a film crew so he can use the money to buy an atomic reactor and make a monster. Yup, it’s as silly as it sounds.
“Super Summer Snacks: Unwrapped” (Food Network 7 p.m.) From Kool-Aid to Klondike Bars, find out how your favorite hot weather treats are made.
“Pigeon Forge Family Challenge” (GAC 8 p.m.) Watch real families battle over $10,000 by competing in "fun family activities" at the redneck Disneyland known as Pigeon Forge, Tenn.
“Twilight Zone” Marathon (Syfy 7 a.m.) Calm down, teenagers. This is not a newsmagazine show about Twilight. It’s a lazy network programmer’s idea of filling up the holiday weekend. For other examples of easy-to-program marathons, look on ... well, basically any other channel today and tomorrow.
Citizen U.S.A.: A 50-State Road Trip (HBO 7 p.m.) This timely documentary takes us to all 50 states to talk to newly naturalized citizens and find out what brought them to call America their home.
“Macy’s 4th of July Fireworks Spectacular 2011” (KOB-4 8 p.m.) If fire restrictions are keeping you from drunkenly setting Chinese explosives on fire this holiday season, you can always observe the festivities on television.
“Boston Pops Fireworks Spectacular” (KRQE-13 9 p.m.) I take back what I said earlier—maybe “spectacular” is the TV word of the week.
“The Little Couple” (TLC 8 p.m.) You thought basic cable was over its unhealthy fascination with little people? You were wrong.
"Flipping Out" (Bravo 7 p.m.) Now that he's back for his fifth season, apparently Jeff Lewis, America's most persnickety man, is no longer a real estate flipper. He's an interior designer. Which should still provide him with plenty of opportunity to throw temper tantrums on an hourly basis.