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Feature
‹‹ V.20 No.32 | August 11 - 17, 2011

Feature

Captain Edward England Merriweather’s Severely Abridged Planktionary

Fig. 1 POTUS flank
Fig. 1 POTUS flank
chiroplanktor: noun – a person who adjusts a planker’s spinal alignment during a plank. (e.g., “Your arms aren’t straight in that photo. Where was your chiroplankter?”)

flanking: verb – the art of creating a fake plank in an obviously impossible location or circumstance. (See illustrations.)

formal planking: verb – planking during a formal event, specifically in formal attire and conspicuous locations.

permaplank: verb – to die. (Hardcore plankers get buried face down.)

plank/flank skank: noun – a person so addicted to planking/flanking that he or she is constantly planking/flanking and will plank/flank anything.

planking: verb - lying facedown, straight as a plank, with one’s arms at one’s sides.

plankoff/flankoff: noun – a situation where two plankers/flankers compete to create the most incredible plank/flank.

plankophile: noun – a person who doesn’t plank, but watches others plank and enjoys looking at planking photos.

plankout: verb – holding a plank position for such a long period of time that one falls asleep. (See also PWI.)

planktographer: noun - a person who takes photos of people planking for later posting on the Internet. (Must be affiliated with the planker to qualify. See also plawker.)

planktronica: noun - music with perfectly timed rhythm and an uplifting feeling to assist with a person’s planking.

plankwich: noun – a horizontal pileup created by people planking on top of one or more plankers.

plawker: noun - a person who stares at or takes pictures of plankers but is not affiliated with them.

plunk: noun - a flunked plank. (See also replank, chiroplanktor.)

PWI: noun - planking while intoxicated.

replank: verb – to plank the same location again in order to correct a plunk or get a better photo.

splank: verb – aka “ass planking.” To plank with your bare ass showing. (For this type of planking, Union suits with snap flaps are advisable.)

steamplank: verb – to plank while wearing steampunk regalia. (Highly respectable steamplanking has been documented on the top of airborne dirigibles.)

Fig. 2 Spring break flank
Fig. 2 Spring break flank

Fig. 3 King cobra flank
Fig. 3 King cobra flank

Fig. 4 Moon flank
Fig. 4 Moon flank

Fig. 5 Scimitar flank
Fig. 5 Scimitar flank

Fig. 6 Thrilla in Manila flank
Fig. 6 Thrilla in Manila flank

Fig. 7 Mustache flank
Fig. 7 Mustache flank

Fig. 8 Edward Hopper flank
Fig. 8 Edward Hopper flank

Fig. 9 Blue meth flank
Fig. 9 Blue meth flank

Fig. 10 Shark Week flank
Fig. 10 Shark Week flank

Fig. 11 Death metal flank
Fig. 11 Death metal flank