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Film & TV
‹‹ V.20 No.52 | December 29 - January 4, 2012

Idiot Box

Kick Returns and Reruns

New Year’s Day around the dial

By Devin D. O’Leary

New Year’s Day doesn’t really count as a holiday. New Year’s Eve is a holiday. New Year’s Day is just the day you get off work to recover from New Year’s Eve. It’s the only holiday that requires a recovery period. So, odds are you’re going to be partying your brains out on this Saturday night, and then lying around the house all Sunday afternoon just trying to get your brain kick started in time for work on Monday. Don’t worry. Television is here for you.

You’ve got a lot of choices—assuming you want to choose between football and rerun marathons. NFL fanatics will be in heaven with five games to choose from on network television alone. It’s a full slate of pro football. And you won’t miss a single college game, because—since New Year’s falls on a Sunday—all the major bowl games have opted for later dates. Fire up the idiot box and choose from morning match ups like “Carolina Panters at New Orleans Saints” (KASA-2 11 a.m.) and “New York Jets at Miami Dolphins” (KRQE-13 11 a.m.), afternoon games like “Tampa Bay Bucaneers at Atlanta Falcons” (KASA-2 2 p.m.) and “Kansas City Chiefs at Denver Broncos” (KRQE-13 2 p.m.) and at least one evening contest “Dallas Cowboys at New York Giants” (KOB-4 6:15 p.m.).

Cable networks, meanwhile, retreat to their comfort food, airing day-long marathons of their most signature shows. Syfy Channel, for example gives us “Twilight Zone” (Syfy 4 a.m.- 4 a.m.), while MTV gives us “Jersey Shore” (4 a.m.-9 p.m.). A&E does “Storage Wars” (A&E 10 a.m.-2 a.m.), while History boldly counter-programs with “Pawn Stars” (History 5 p.m.-2 a.m.). Animal Planet goes “Finding Bigfoot” (Animal Planet 5p.m.-9 p.m.). Spoiler alert: They don’t. Bravo sticks with what it knows, offering a brain-punishing 12 hours’ worth of “Real Housewives” (Bravo 8 a.m.-8 p.m.) not to be outdone, E! Entertainment Television gives us eight hours worth of soul-crushing “Keeping Up With the Kardashians” (E! 4 p.m-12 a.m.). There are probably a few episodes of Kourtney, Kim and Khloe’s various spin-offs mixed in there for good measure as well.

And I don’t know what TLC is trying to tell us with it’s post-holiday marathon of medical reality specials. Perhaps you can figure it out. They’re offering up “600 Pound Mom” (TLC 7 a.m.), “The World’s Fattest Man” (TLC 8 a.m.), “Half-Ton Teen” (TLC 9 a.m.), “Half-Ton Dad” (10 a.m.), “Half Ton Man” (11 a.m.) and “Half-Ton Mom” (12 p.m.). Me, I’m gonna lay on the couch and think about it.