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The Daily Word in depraved penguin sex and Gordon Ramsay self-destruction

The Daily Word

Military suicide rate at highest level in ten years.

Is the Obama administration using leaks to bolster the President's image?

Small town murder rates are climbing.

It's not gonna happen, Jeb Bush.

Fire at the the downtown Hyatt overnight.

How prepared is the military for the eventual alien invasion?

Georgia widow wins $3 million lawsuit after husband dies during three-way.

"We're not racists, we just want to be with white people." said racist KKK member while defending the group's Adopt-A-Highway application.

Self-destruct with Gordon Ramsay.

Dead toddler comes back to life, then doesn't

The most shoplifted items are …

Trees reveal mysterious 1,200 year old radiation burst.

ATTN sinners: Introvale birth control pills recalled.

Depraved penguin sex scandalized uptight polar explorers.

Don't worry Israel, those weird lights in the sky are just the Russians testing their ICBs.

115 years together is enough for these tortoises.

Fiona Apple has a new album.

Pizza Hut getting into the gross sandwich business.

Happy Birthday, Peter Dinklage!!!